I dipped my toe in the Atlantic
and wondered how long it would take to get to England on a rowboat
or to swim there outright
as if I would be so inclined in either fashion

I've seen **** and Jane through many trials
all the running, jumping, and frolicking
never really seemed book worthy
but I read on dutifully hoping they would surprise me

Eventually, I stopped reading the adventureless series
and grew into darker theories of life
that have lead me to ponder the distance
across the ocean to Neverland in ways that I couldn't actually attempt

Safe in my unathletic prestenses, yet vulnerable in my dreams
I remember the snowbirds that chased me
through childhood summers
I remember the accents and crystal blue eyes

I will remember your face... always
but I no longer remember your name

Asylums handle the damaged suicide
Hospitals heal faulty nods
And lovers decline to live or die.
But where do I belong?
When anger shakes my moods foundation,
These tender thoughts of being secluded
In a soul that isn't white, nor black,
But gray.
I said "Eternal,"
for this notion exceeds forever.

The light shone,
Flickering to it's epitome,
The fire on my candle rage,
The furry of the flame call out the immortal,
The presence of those away from our world,
The agonizing conflicts that occur,
Killing and shredding the soul,
As I walk deeper into the tunnel,
The strength of the candle withers,
Enthralling voices echo in the darkness,
Accompanying me,
As the rest of the world around me doesn't care,
Everyone busy in their lives,
Eat, love and hate,
I sit and stare in the corner,
Waiting for their figures to appear,
But as usual they don't care.

Do you think because you touched me you know me?
You're just a boy
and I have galaxies growing inside of me
But you believe because we shared the same sheets
You can control me and destroy me
But I'm standing up and saying no
I can't seem to let these feelings go
Where you've been, many others have been before
Doesn't mean I'll miss you any more
The rest? they thought they were the best
But me? no one can see inside thee
I build up walls so no one gets in,
No hurt, no pain, but the sunshine doesn't get let it in
Very much I'm alone
The own queen to her thrown and where a king should be
The seat is sitting empty
Care free to join me
but only if you'll love me

Another lonely day
For me to get through
I need to find my way
But that’s hard to do.
Sobriety hurt so bad
I wish to forget
But I gave it all I had
I knew I couldn't handle it.
I need to find a high
And ride it 'til the end
Without it I can't get by
Drugs are like my best friend.
It picks me up when I'm low
And at times gives me hope
It helps the real me to show
And even helps me cope.
It never lets me down
And it never tells a lie
It takes away my frown
And it helps me to get by.
Drugs are like my best friend
When I’m left all alone
On them I'll always depend
Because I’m scared of the unknown.
Its been a hell of a ride
But now it must end
I know deep down inside
Drugs aren't my best friend.

His body is
a playground

on which

my fingers and lips
have a standing play date,
where they chase each other
from shoulder to shoulder
and slip and slide

down vertebrae
each morning while

he sleeps.

I want to know
what you are doing
every minute
of every day.

Where you go
who you see
how you think
what you dream.

But I know nothing
anymore, except
that it is probably
better that way.