Such an unhealthy coping mechanism
Your brain seems to float,
Your limbs go numb.
Feeling goes away.
The white smoke curls from the corners of your mouth.
The anxiety floats away with it,
riding the small plumes.

There are better ways.
I know there are better ways.

But its the easiest.
And how could I leave behind such an old friend.

i am sick of this endless cycle
a few good days
where i haven't felt little bits of my soul being ripped off
and lost in the wind.
where i feel i can conquer this illness
this plague

then i spiral

to weeks of bad days
where i cannot get out of bed
i am empty
tears welling in my eyes
for reasons i cant understand

there is no constant
instead there is constant change
i have no stability
no solid ground

people say change is good

people lie.