A snowflake fell quietly on the fingertips of her right hand
As she watched it drift down from the sky
she waited for it to disappear once it touched her skin
However once the snowflake landed it never disappeared
In the blink of an eye all around her she watched the snow rise from the ground
and as it began to spin in a circle she felt herself fighting to stand still
Before she knew it the snow was spinning so violently
she couldn't see through it
Her hair was waving wildly
fresh snow was hitting her skin so hard
it felt like mini razor blades sliding against her pores
As she tried to look for a way through the snow
she quickly came to the conclusion there was no way out of what was happening
She had to let it pass
whatever this was she had to release all control
and trust that this snow would find rest eventually
Slowly the snow started the die down
and it finally fell back to the ground
She stood there trying to catch her breath
as her legs groaned in pain from struggling to stand still
As she began to see around her without trouble
she realized nothing had changed
Everything around her looked exactly the same
She looked down at her right hand
On her fingertips where the snowflake fell was a note
written on pink paper that smelled of sugar plums
It said "the storm you were walking through has finally ended
Your next chapter in life is about to begin
and this chapter will be an exciting one
Let the magic begin
Merry Christmas"
As she read the last word the note disolved into dust
and even though nothing changed physically
somehow the world looked a little bit different anyways

I watched two waves collide into each other
while I was at the ocean
and it reminded me of how beautiful it is when two people
come together as one
They say that it's impossible for two people
to spend the rest of their lives with each other
but I beg to differ
I've never been married
I've never made it past a year in a half in a relationship
yet my belief in love is so strong
and I honestly don't know where that comes from
I used to blame the movies
I used to blame the poetry
I used to blame songs but when I imagine
taking all of those things away and not allowing
any of those things to influence my beliefs in love
No matter how bad the circumstances are around me
no matter how broken I may feel because a certain individual
hurts my feelings and makes me cry
I still cannot let go of my belief in true love
and I don't ever want to
So I stood at the ocean
watching two waves collide with one another
as two waves became one
and I was reminded that it is possible for two people to find each other
fall in love and be together for the rest of their lives
It was so beautiful that I cired

It can be hard sometimes to see your friends
moving on in their lives in ways you wish you could
Some are getting engaged
some are getting married
some are having their first baby
some are already on their third baby
It's not that you are not happy for them because you are
you are ecstatic and you are probably the person they laugh at
for being extremely excited for the happiness in their lives
It's not that you are not satisfied in your life
you love where you are because you know this is where you need to be
but sometimes you can't help but look around and think
"when will my time come?
When will I meet the one who is going to choose to
spend the rest of his life with me?
When will I get to cry at the sight of a beautiful ring?
When will I have the opportunity to stand in front of my loved ones
and declare my love for one person?
When will I get to bring a child of my own into the world?
When will I get to wake up to little arms wanting a hug as they call me mommy?"
Sometimes I feel like the universe is punishing me
because at one point in my life I was so certain I didn't want to be married
I never wanted kids
I never wanted to take the risk of giving my heart away
and trusting someone to not break it
I never wanted to give up my sleeping in however late I want
for having to wake up early in the morning for feedings
and tantrums
I never wanted to sacrifice my body to carry a child
that I would have to be responsible for the rest of my life
I never thought I was good enough to be with someone forever
I always thought I was too messed up in the head to love and guide
another human being into being whoever their heart desired
I was so sure I wanted to live my life alone
without any distractions
Now I changed my mind
I am by myself and I hate not having anyone to come home to
I have all of this freedom and all I want to do is let it go
and be needed
be wanted and share this intense I swear to God it will **** me
love I have inside with someone who will bring out the very
best in me
I don't want to be married tomorrow
I don't want to be a mom tomorrow
but sometimes I feel like I am in competition with everyone
and I hate it
I wish I never wished for the things I did
I wish I wasn't so scared to put myself out there
and I wish I never spent so many years doubting the one thing
I know I would kick *** at
and that's being a mother
I have a long way to go as far as working on myself
and I am not unhappy with my life
I lack patience and sometimes the excitement of
all of the wonderful possibilities my future holds
that haven't happened yet cause me to become so impatient
that I convince myself that certain dreams won't ever come true
I don't want to rush things
I want to enjoy the journey of falling in love
and becoming a parent
Some may think I am crazy and a little bit unrealistic
but I believe in my heart that those things are out there for me
I can't explain the feeling
I just know in my deepest heart it will happen
and when it does I will be so grateful for everything working out
in it's own time

Touch me
Don't say a single word
just touch me and I will prove to you
that you are made of stars
You were created by God
who happens to be the most amazing artist
because he made you
From the lines on your face to your pounding heart
he made you and I get the absolute pleasure
of looking at you anytime I want to
You are made of more than stars
You are made of wonder
and magic
and of love
A love so pure and incredible
I have to pinch myself to make sure
that I'm not dreaming
You are made up of magic
You hold inside of you the key to my heart
You were made for me
and I was made for you
Whenever we kiss I am more convinced
we were meant for each other
Just when the world had me convinced
you didn't exist you showed up
and proved them wrong
You proved me wrong
I thought the one for me was lost
but you found me at just the right time
You are the other half of me I have been searching for
So touch me
Put your hand to mine and I'll prove to you
that you are made of more than stars

There are fireworks high in the sky tonight
and out of 7.6 billion people in the world
I get to share them with you
While everyone is looking at the colors red, white and blue
I get the pleasure of looking into your hazel eyes
and smile as they sparkle while each firework goes off
With every expression you make
my heart gets bigger as my love and adoration for you grows
You could be sitting on this beach with any other man in the world
and you chose to spend the Fourth of July with me
As I kiss your cheek I can smell the sand in your hair
from when you were lying under the sun and you laughed
at some ridiculous joke I made
You asked me to hold you as the waves hugged our feet
and the ocean put on a show that I swear was made for
only us to see
I am so lucky to be sitting next to you right now
I wish this night never had to end

Someone once told me that God didn't create humans
to walk the earth alone
He made us to come together as one with someone else
to grow and walk through life with
I've been around human beings since I took my very first breath
and honestly I still struggle to see why human interaction
is way better than loneliness
Being around people drains me sometimes
to the point I wish I didn't exist at all
Sometimes I wish I had the ability to numb myself
so I couldn't feel anything
Feeling leads you to make choices that only hurt you
in the end
Maybe it's because I am the black sheep in my family
and it's the golden rule that the black sheep is the one
that should be **** on periodically
Maybe I am just a gullible idiot for believing that for once
in my ******* life I can trust someone who will never let me down
Maybe I am insane for hoping and praying to be different
to do things different so I don't end up miserable and hating
every second of my life when I'm old
Maybe it's not other people
Maybe I am the one incapable of handling other human beings
because my whole life has been disappointment after disappointment
Maybe I am the problem
Maybe my constant fear of being shoved away like garbage
once a person sees my true colors is what causes me
to self sabotage anything good that comes my way
Maybe I do self sabotage my happiness
but maybe I wasn't meant for it
Maybe when I was born the Lord forgot to write my happy ending
where everything works out and I don't have to worry about
being let down anymore
Maybe I am finally realizing that all of the good
I had once believed in were just fantasies I cooked up in my head
as a little girl to cope with another beating I got for breathing too loudly
Maybe my fantasies were so great I actually lost my mind
by believing I deserve all of the things most people don't ever
dare to dream about
Maybe I am always going to be the one
who wishes she could be better
yet continues to ruin everything she touches
Maybe it's not other people who are a disappointment
Maybe it's me

Looking into this mirror
picking out the things I hate about myself
when I should be loving myself
Feeling so tired of having no energy
when it's my negativity
stealing my joy from me
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I don't matter
when in fact I matter
I don't want to waste another morning
thinking I'm not pretty
when in fact I'm pretty

Sitting next to a man
he's so gorgeous and those eyes I can stare into them for eternity
I'd like to kiss him and ask him out for a coffee
but I worry I'm not good enough to be with a man like him
I complain that I'm lonely
but I don't take the chance to let someone in
and let them love me unconditionally
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I don't matter
when in fact I matter
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I'm not good enough for anyone
when in fact I'm more than good enough

Lying in my bed at night
thinking of the scars I made on my skin
feeling ashamed for some choices that I made in my past
At the same time though those choices I made
paved the way for me to become a better me
I never give myself credit
for overcoming demons I thought would one day **** me
I'm so quick to bash myself
but I never love myself and that's gotta change
because I can't love anyone else unless I can love myself too
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I don't matter
when in fact I matter
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I'm some mistake
when I'm here for a reason

I don't want to waste away my life
giving into negativity and self hate
when I deserve way more than that
I don't want to waste another day
thinking I don't matter
when in fact I matter

Don't you dare spend another day
thinking you don't matter
because you matter
You more than matter
You are loved