He sat down in front of me with shaky hands and said

"There's this girl I know
she is unbelievably beautiful
Whenever I look at her I forget how to breathe
and when she smiles
Oh my God when she smiles
my world gets a little brighter
She always knows the right thing to say
whenever I'm feeling down
It's like she can read my thoughts
I can tell her anything
and it doesn't matter how crazy I sound
she just listens and reassures me everything will be okay
and I believe her when she says that
because she doesn't make me feel ashamed of myself
She sees both the good and bad in me
yet she doesn't run away
She has seen me angry and she does all she can to calm me down
Whenever I am with her I want to hold her
Every time she calls my name I want to kiss her
and ask her to say it again
I dream about her and it's always the same dream
she is lying in bed next to me just looking at me
and I just look back at her breathless and when I wake up
I want so badly to fall back to sleep so I can feel her next to me
one more time
She is everything I ever dreamed of
and I fear I missed out on my chance to be with her
I need to tell her how I feel but if she doesn't feel the same way
although it will crush me but I won't be angry
I would rather have her as my friend than nothing at all
I just don't know how she will respond to all of this"

I took in a deep breath and processed what I just heard
With the best wisdom I can come up with I told him
"You need to tell her that you feel this way
word for word
everything
no holding back
She deserves to know how you feel
so tell her"

With innocent fear in his eyes he looked me straight in the eye
and said "I already did"

Imagining a life without love
is like opening the door to depression
and asking depression to spend the
rest of it's life with you
I went through a period in my life
where I gave up on loving anyone or anything
I was so fed up with getting my heart broken,
not just by men but friends and relatives too,
that I became this emotionally, empty,
unhappy person
I was so miserable and angry that  without realizing it
I began to build up walls around myself
and my heart because I thought I was safer that way
I may have been safe but I was lonely
I was so lonely I became suicidal
and I had no one to blame but myself
I've learned that if I spend so much time
worrying about the "what could go wrong" situations
that I am missing out on potential happiness
waiting to enter my life and bring me
the best joy I could ever know
I've also learned that heartbreak of any kind,
although it can be agonizing,
can open doors to people and adventures
I never knew I needed in my life
I have a deeper respect for relationships of any kind
I am more willing now to put aside my stubborness
and compromise more because I have a deeper appreciation
for people and their differences
I've felt the pain one can experience with love
and I've also felt the joy
The joy outweighs the pain every single time
I will never make the mistake to push love away ever again
Love is something no human being
can live without

Seeing you for the first time
was like walking on air
after years of struggling just to take one single step
Touching you was like waking up from a nightmare
I had been trapped in
for what felt like an eternity
Hearing your laugh
was like listening to my favorite band for the first time
through headphones and feeling my heart
beat so fast I thought it would explode
Seeing your smile
was like falling off of a cliff
and landing on a bed of roses in a field made of stars
Hugging you was like taking a breath
after suffocating for so long
Kissing you was like fireworks on the fourth of July
with the warmth of Christmas
and the anxiousness of Halloween
Hearing you say "I love you"
was like coming home
and all of the pain I endured in my past
finally made sense
It all led me to you
Wonderful,
complex,
lovely,
handsome,
beautiful,
breathtaking­,
strong,
a dream come true
It all led me to you

Can this be the moment
that I finally realize what I want in my life?
Can this be the moment
that I finally get the chance at happiness?
I may be just a person
with no superhero abilities
like the ones you see on TV
I may be a nobody
but I got dreams as big as the sky
that no one can see
I may be 5.4 physically
but my soul has no limit
to what I can achieve
I may struggle on the daily
but I still wake up thinking something great will happen to me
I can't live without hope
I can't live without faith
I can't live my life thinking that this is it for me
I can't hate myself and expect to be the best for someone
out there who can potentially love me unconditionally
I'm not perfect
but I'm human
and that's all I want to be
I want to feel everything intensely
and not care who is laughing at me
I am strong in ways
I never give myself credit for
and it's not right that I treat myself like I'm not as important
as all of the people in my life that I would die for in an instant
Who will die for me?
I'm going to be somebody one day
I'm going to have my own fairy tale
and it will be messy
and it will be everything I dreamed of
and I won't want to change a thing about it
I gotta believe in what I want
it's hard but I'm learning to trust in life each day
If I can believe in everyone else then I sure as hell can believe in me
I will get my moment
I will get my hearts desire when I least expect it
I just gotta believe in it
I do believe in it
and I believe in myself

I thought about overdosing on some pills today
it's been awhile since I've wanted to do something like that
I feel so guilty for allowing myself to go to such a dark place
but lately it's all I think about
I'm just so sad all of the time
I struggle everyday to keep myself afloat
and I don't think anyone understands how lonely
and terrifying that is
I feel like such a hypocrite for pretending to be happy
when in actuality I am miserable
I just don't see the point of anything anymore
and I don't understand why
I am so young
I am so talented in ways I never give myself credit for
I have family and friends who love me
I have been lucky to grow close to a man
who would take a bullet for me without hesitation
and still it's not enough
Something is missing and I can't figure out what it is
I don't want to die
but I don't want to be sad either
It seems so impossible yet it's true
I am caught between wanting to live so badly it hurts
and wanting to die
I can't understand it
I don't know how I got here
I don't know how to fix the way that I feel
What I do know is doing this by myself is not the best choice anymore
I can't do this on my own
and I don't want to

I used to think the world was a scary place
until I imagined myself not being a part of it
When I was a teenager all I wanted to do was die
I never realized how selfish I was being
until I found something worth living for
I fell in love with writing at age 14
and its been a love affair I wouldn't give up for anything
Through my love for writing I have been able to face demons
and suffer through heartbreaks I never thought I would overcome
Writing is a gift I always feared to share with the world
and I still have no idea why
I regret that now
and I've learned that the only way to let go of regret
is to finally face what has me so scared
I've always wanted to die knowing I made some kind of difference
However I can't make a difference
if I don't do the one thing no one else can do
and that's be me in every way possible
The thing about writing is you can't hide who you really are
The parts of you that you try to hide
always find their way to the surface
and it's those things you try to hide
that make up the most beautiful parts of you
All of the things you think have broken you
have made you stronger
All of the people who have hurt you
have only taught you the meaning of true love
All of the mistakes you made that you can't let go of
they don't hold you back
They make you wiser, tougher and able to make better decisions
I've learned that life is made up of some awful ****
and I have stories that will probably never be put on paper
because they still break me into pieces if I allow them to
Life is also full of so many beautiful things
There is so much to experience
There is so much to see
There is so much to feel
If I had a child and I could give them one piece of advice
it would be to live life to the absolute fullest
and don't worry about falling because if you do fall
you will always have someone there to help you up
The best people walk into your life when you least expect it
Everything has a way of working out
and some of the most beautiful memories are made
through the darkest moments when you thought nothing good
could possibly come out of whatever is currently causing you
to go to bed with tears in your eyes
If I could tell my younger suicidal self one thing
it would be to choose life because you have no idea
when it's going to be taken from you
I used to wish I had the answers to everything
I used to wish I could see into the future because I thought knowing certain things would calm my present anxiety
Trust me when I say it doesn't
If something is meant to be it will be
If not then something better will turn up and surprise you
Until then do one thing for me and live
Take time to appreciate the beautiful colors nature has to offer
Take time to hug those you love the most
Make time to visit places you have always wanted to go to
but you always came up with excuses as to why you could never go
Tell the one you love how you really feel
and don't worry about looking stupid if they don't feel the same way
What matters is that they know and you were brave enough
to tell another soul how much they mean to you
Don't hide from the rain
Don't get angry when time moves too slow because whether you see it or not it goes so fast and you can't take back the moments you spent being angry
Promise me despite your fears you will live
Do that for me
Please
That is all I ask