He whispered into my ear "I want to make love to you"
I opened my eyes
I noticed the clock said 5:13 am
I rolled over to face him and his arms wrapped around me
causing goosebumps to form on every inch of my body
His right hand touched my face as he kissed me
his tongue dancing perfectly with mine
Before I knew it we were making love
It wasn't the kind of love making you seen in the movies
It was gentle, slow and passionate
Every move he made forced me to hold back a moan
I swear would take away my voice if I let it out
I dug my nails into his back
as if I was holding on for dear life
The only noise between us were our heartbeats pounding
everything else faded away
I felt him come into me
and a part of me fell deeper in love when I looked into his eyes
There was so much love in them
it was impossible to look away
He moved my bangs from my forehead and kissed me
leaving me wanting him all over again

I sit in the steaming hot water naked and vulnerable, both mentally and physically  to blemishes accumulated on me.
The mental thoughts race back and forth between  my eyes playing and rewinding  back through mistakes I have made.
Remembering the wrong paths that dramatically  changed my history.
As the water rises I feel the anxiety inside my chest making me hyperventilate profusely.
I close my eyes plunging my face into the water, feeling my hair floating over me.
Staying under as I feel the anguish of the misconceptions of my life fall off of me.
coming up as if awakening from the dead, while ceaselessly  stepping out of the ***** water leaving it behind.
I peer into the mirror inhaling the air surrounding.
Slowly wrapping my arms tightly around my body, letting the women in the mirror know I except her.
Telling her I will always love and fight for her.

I would just like to take a moment to celebrate my brother Ty. Despite the ******* life throws his way he always manages to get out of bed and get **** done. Whenever I speak to him it doesn't feel like I am talking to a 21 year old young man. I feel like I am talking to a very wise soul. A soul who even though speaks very little words, his heart is revealed through his actions. He may make mistakes just like all human beings do but when I need a hug from my baby brother I know that I will never be denied the opportunity to cry on his shoulder. I love you Ty Andrew. When you are 80 years old whenever I look at you I will still see you as the tiny blue eyed two year old asking me to help him steal cookies from Mom's cookie jar. I am proud of you. You are a great brother and a wonderful Father. Do not let anyone tell you differently.

You ever come across a picture on social media of a woman who is so beautiful that just the sight of her makes you physically sick because you know that no matter what you do to yourself you will never, in this lifetime, be as beautiful as her?

Then you just sit and think of everything wrong with you until you are in such a depressed mood you can't even look at yourself in the mirror because you are so disgusted with what you see.

Then you feel bad because you're thinking "this is wrong. This girl can't help that she's beautiful so why do I feel like I need to ***** when I see her picture?"

Then you start to get mad at yourself because you are being so selfish because you should feel beautiful in your own skin but because of some unrealistic expectation that you put on yourself you can't help but beat yourself up.

So now you have all of these thoughts going on at once and eventually you get so overwhelmed that anxiety takes over and now you feel like you are going to have a heart attack, all because of a beautiful stranger that not only doesn't even know you exist, but is probably photoshopped to the max because for all you know she may feel the same way you do.

So now you feel stupid, ashamed, embarrassed and your day is now ****** and the sun hasn't even risen yet.

Am I the only one that goes through this?

I was on a beach
The sky was grey yet no rain was in sight
There were seven other people on the beach with me
each one minding their own business
I was sitting in the sand
allowing my hands and feet to soak up the warmth the sand provided
I looked out into the ocean and noticed the water start to tremble
The trembling now reached the shore
and I felt myself tremble as well
It felt like an earthquake
The seven people began running off of the beach
I just sat there clueless to what was happening
All of a sudden I heard screams
I turned to my right and watched half of the beach fall away
taking the seven people with it
I stood up to run but I was forced to stop
as the remainder of the beach fell away
leaving me stranded on a giant cliff
There was nothing but water below me
with icebergs clinking against each other
The cliff I was standing on slowly began to crumble beneath my feet
I had no where to go
there was nothing I could do
Finally the rest of the cliff fell taking me with it
I fell in slow motion
I attempted to scream but I was silenced
when I let go of the possibility of surviving this nightmare
I landed in the water
my head hitting the corner of an iceberg
I floated in the ocean
as blood poured from the **** on my head

Let's pour ourselves a glass of wine
and make a toast to the craziest people we know
The ones who hear constant voices
yet continue on with their lives as if everything is normal
Let's toast the ones with multiple personalities
as society labels them as dangerous
Let's raise a glass to the ones with PTSD
may they stop reliving their awful pasts
Here's to the ones with scars on their arms
from trying to free themselves from emotional pain
To the ones with eating disorders
may you stop putting so much pressure on yourselves to be pretty
To the ones who can't leave the house
without feeling a tightness in your chests
May you find the strength to make anxiety your *****
so you can put your personal chaos to rest
Here's a toast to the ones who never give up
despite the struggles you face everyday
Even though people call you names and shame you
you always find reasons to smile even for just a little while
May you always remain strong
and be a light for those who are just stepping into your shoes
To those of who are currently in recovery
may I say I am so ******* proud of you for making it this far
CHEERS!!!

I don't mind that you have a mental illness
It doesn't bother me that you have to hold on tight to my hands
whenever you feel like you are drowning
It doesn't annoy me that we can't go to certain places for dates
because your stomach ties in knots unexpectedly
It doesn't irritate me that you get stressed out
when it's really hot outside
It doesn't make me mad when you have to miss work
because anxiety makes you physically sick
Your anxiety doesn't make me love you any less
it's the opposite actually
I am in love with you deeply
I don't care that you have anxiety
Hold onto me for as long as you need to
I don't mind
We don't have to go anywhere special
as long as you are okay then I am just fine
I hate the heat too
so let's be stressed together
I am here for the long haul
your anxiety does not scare me