I put some money into a vending machine
I was in the mood for a soft drink
A man about my age was staring at me
I didn't quite know what to think
He walked up to me and said
"Do you realize you just paid 5 euros for that?"
"Is that too much?" I asked
He shook his head yes and chuckled
Feeling so embarrassed
I began to walk away
When he said out loud "Wait!"
He took some keys out of his pocket
and opened up the machine
He gave me back the money I was owed
I told him "You didn't have to do that"
He replied "I know that but I wanted to"
then he kindly smiled

We sat waiting for the bus
as we fell into conversation
He asked me if I was American
I told him that I was
"How are you liking Bristol?" he asked "Is it everything you imagined it to be?"
"Actually no" I answered "It's better than I imagined it."
We conversed about my stay here
I told him I was here visiting a friend
He admitted that he wished he would have met me sooner
because I seemed like an interesting gal
We ended up going for a walk
stopping for a break at St George Skatepark
He asked me if I was looking forward to going back home
I told him that I wasn't
"All you ever hear about is London, Manchester and many others city's
people think those are the only places in England worth getting to know
After being here in Bristol for this entire week
I have falling in love with this place and it will break my heart to go."

After a few seconds of silence he said "Then don't go. Marry me and you won't have to go."
"That is illegal" I replied back in shock
"Not if we never divorce" he said very seriously
"I don't even know you. I met you an hour ago" I said still in shock
"Alright" he told me taking a seat on the ground "Here is what you need to know
I am a bit messy, in fact I am a major slob
however I feel that after living with a woman for some time
that bad habit will eventually stop
I am a huge breakfast person
I could eat breakfast all day
I can cook too so if you are ever hungry just let me know
and I will start cooking away
I have a **** job but I make decent money
I don't live in a mansion or anything but it's a place to live
so either way I am happy
My friends are total idiots, they are in fact a group of arseholes
but they are there for me when I need them and
I know they would love to meet you
I know I am not that good looking but I will treat you right
I will put you first always as long as you never go to bed angry with me at night
I know we have known each other for only an hour
Maybe what I am asking is illegal
but I seem to have fallen in love with you
So marry me and we can work out the legal crap later."

I smoked myself a cigarette
okay maybe five
I thought long and hard about the situation
trying hard not to cry
I didn't even know this man
yet everything about him drove me crazy
How on earth could I marry a man
who barely even knows me
I put out my fifth cigarette
let out a deep exhale
"Okay" I said finally "I will marry you"
He got up off the ground, helped me up and then we started to run
For the first time in my whole existence
it felt like my life had just begun

I was 23 when I got married
I had no idea what I was thinking when I said yes to that man
I am 87 years old now
and I am still in love with him
In our 60 years of marriage he has kept his promise to me
to always put me first
I never go to bed angry at him
and we spend every Saturday afternoon at St. George Skatepark

I can't remember where I came from
It's like I woke up in a world
I have no recollection of entering
Everything is cold
Freezing even
Normally I don't mind the cold
I usually find comfort in it
only this time the coldness is causing me to feel scared
I'm soaked
As if I was swimming yet there is nowhere to swim
I feel concrete underneath my bare feet
I can't see where I am in the dark
With each step I take
I am terrified something will hurt me
Despite my fear I continue to keep walking
until I scream out in pain
Something cut me
I'm bleeding now
I can feel a warm sensation oozing from my foot
It felt like a razor
but I have no way of knowing
Now I am being cut all over my body
with each scream the pain intensifies
I stop screaming as the pain forces me to the ground
leaving me in a ****** mess
I can hear the ticking of a clock
It's faint at first
Then it gets louder
So loud I have to cover my ears
but I can't
I'm in too much pain to move
The clock chimes
I instantly wake up in my bed
I touch myself to see if I'm hurt
Nothing there
I lie in bed trying to catch my breath
as I replay my nightmare over in my head
trying to figure out what it meant

It's strange, sad and amazing to think that no matter how hard you work, how much courage you use to put yourself out into the world that is already consumed with so much hate and despite all of the pressure you feel to hide out of fear of rejection, no matter what you do or how much you try there is always that one person who can still make you feel as small as an ant on the ground and without saying anything they Can make you feel so insignificant. It's heartbreaking that you will never be good enough for some people, even family.

I am getting out of here tonight
I have no plan
I have no idea what I am going to do once I get there
All I know is that I am going to England tonight
I have one carry on bag with me
I have my purse on my right shoulder
a Starbucks latte in my left hand
and my phone in the back of my jeans pocket
I have three minutes to board my flight
or else my chances of escaping are gone
I don't know where I am going to stay once I get there
Right now I don't care
I just need to go
I have a broken heart
A soul suffocating and craving adventure
I need to go to a place where no one absolutely knows me
No one knows my past
No one knows my name
No one knows the secrets I hide
No one will know about my suicide attempt two nights ago
No one will know anything
I have one minute
I am running through the airport now
My latte is pouring all over my hands
I hear my heart beating in my ears
as the rest of the world goes silent
Suddenly!!!! I am in slow motion
ENGLAND
It has been my dream to go there for as long as I can remember
I am almost to the gate
Last call
Do I make it...?

I am pretty certain that you don't love me anymore
I see the way you look at other women
especially her
Your eyes adore her whenever she is in your presence
Your eyes used to stare at me like that
Now whenever you look at me you are disgusted
You are annoyed
I am the last person you want to see
I know for a fact that when you say you're going out with friends
you're secretly meeting up with her
I caught you one afternoon
in the cafe you and I used to go to and sit for hours
locking lips continuously as poets spoke their hearts out in the background
I caught you kissing her
caressing her
showing her attention just like you used to do to me
Everyone knows you're cheating on me
yet no one will say anything
I know that when we *******'re picturing her face but
I am too dumb and weak to think that I deserve better
I must have done something to deserve your betrayal
So like the pathetic ***** I am
I let you treat me like crap
I let you secretly see her and pretend you're with your friends
as I get drunk at home
I believe your lies hoping I will eventually become numb to them
I let you envision her while we are in bed because for some reason
I live to make you happy
I know you will tell me to leave sooner or later
yet a part of me hopes that you won't
I am pretty stupid to let a man treat me this way
Having low self esteem will do that to a person
How utterly pathetic

The world is a vicious place
with violence surrounding us all
It breaks my heart that so much hate
is causing countries to fall
Attacks are falling from the sky
as ISIS leaves fire wherever they go
People are dying, fear is rising up
as we ask questions for answers we may never know
The twin towers had their murders
when planes crashed into them on 9/11
America was in devastation
as many hearts were in ruin
Paris has now been attacked
with shootings and suicide bombs
People are lying dead in the streets
over unsolved issues that isn't their fault
America and Paris are not the only ones
who is danger at this time
Japan, Mexico and many others
also need our prayers and our help
War is so ugly
it causes more harm than good
Men losing brothers in blood spilled battles
some as young as 18 having to be put to rest so soon
Children are being beheaded
over religious differences
Threats are being made all over the place
throwing people into panic
Groups of people being held hostage
over greed and desperate need for power
My heart keeps breaking
as I get news updates every other hour
The world is falling apart
it's getting worse each day
Now is the time to stand together
and make the evil of ISIS go away
I don't want any more blood spilled
I don't want the world living in fear
I want the Eiffel Tower to put it's lights back on
I want the world to live in peace

I wish I was lying in the snow
surrounded by pine trees
I feel like I can't catch my breath
I can't decide if this is anxiety that I am feeling
or if I am just overwhelmed with happiness
I suppose I could call a friend
let that friend know how I feel
It's hard to tell someone about your problems though
when they don't consider your problems real
You see there is this guy that I like
he is everything I have been searching for
This afternoon out of nowhere
he showed up at my front door
Apparently he has a crush on me
so he thought he would take a chance
By coming to my house
and asking me out to dance
I said to him "that would be lovely"
he replied with "I will see you tomorrow night at six"
After he left I tensed up and started feeling like this
I haven't been out with a man in two years
what was I going to do
I can't go on this date
I'll end up looking like a fool
A part of me wants to cancel
another part of me wants to go
He seems like a gentleman
but how do I know
My cell phone begins to buzz
I see his name on the screen
I sit up in fast motion
trying to comprehend everything
I can't back out of this date now
that would be rude and selfish
I guess I just have to swallow my anxiety
and take this chance at happiness