I look at old photographs
all I can do is cry
I sit outside and let myself freeze
as I look at the stars in the sky
I'm wondering how you're doing
I haven't seen you in a month
The last memory I have with you
is you telling me you love me very much
I think about the words you told me
I remember how you said them so perfectly
You told everyone that I was your girl
you told your family how much you loved me
Now everything is different
no one believes that now
I'm trying to not be so insecure
but honestly I don't know how
I sit here in this cold weather
doing all I can to breathe
It's hard to move, it's hard to think
when I'm begging to God on my knees
I wrap myself up in a blanket
I look at the stars one last time
I pray that you're happy wherever you are
I hope to God that you're doing alright

There comes a time where things happen for a reason and there is nothing  we can do about that. There comes a time when we leave our hearts open knowing that our hearts may get broken sometimes. There comes a time when everything falls apart and you ask yourself "how did I get here"? When that happens, that is the time to take a stand, stay strong, and tell the one you love how you feel even though you might get rejected in the end. You don't want to spend your life wondering "what if" or live in regret because you didn't take a risk in love.

I think about a lot of things
but you're the greatest thought in my head
I think about you when I am in school
I think about you while falling asleep in my bed
The thoughts I have are not bad
they actually make me smile
They sometimes make me laugh
which is good every once in awhile
I think about you taking off your shirt when it's 93 degrees outside
I don't think about the problems I have because you're the best thing in my life
I think about how your eyes look when you look straight at me
I think about how your heart beats when I hold you close against me
I think about the time when we played hide and seek in the park
I think about our first kiss and the feeling I got in my heart
I think about me falling asleep in your arms and how you hold me tight
I don't think about bad days because with you everything is alright
I think about how much I love you and how it feels good to know that you love me too
My heart never fails to beat fast whenever I think of you

How did I get here?
Where am I from?
How did I get this heart break feeling that seems to be making me numb?
Why are you not here with me?
Why did you go?
Why did you fall out of love with me?
The answer, I will never know and it hurts so badly inside.
What's even worse is that I can't get you off of my mind
I want you back
I want you near
I want the laughter, I want the touch that took away all of my fears
I want your kiss upon my lips
I want the smiles, I want the hugs
I want to feel anything but this because this feeling that I have just isn't right
It's causing me to run and hide and I don't want to be that girl who throws true love away
So I'm telling you now
I don't want to lose you
so will you please stay?

I am confident
I am beautiful
I am radiant
I am delightful
I am strong
I am committed
I am talented
and I am not a quitter
I am friendly
I am proud
I am funny
and I am loud
I am smart
I am sweet
I am lovable
I am impossible to beat
I am strange
I am weird
I am different
and I don't care
I am serious
I am caring
and I never judge people by what they are wearing
I am a dreamer
I am a friend
I am a girlfriend who is faithful until the end
I am active
I am free
I refuse to be another stereotype
I choose to be me

Today I went all natural
I feel very pretty today
I don't care how others view me
I don't care about what others have to say
I went to school in my pajamas
my hair isn't really done
Even though I am the only one in my pajamas
I am still having a lot of fun
My friends are all smiling today
today seems to be good
The weather is nice, my boyfriend is well
school is going great as it should
No one is starting drama
I am not feeling emotionally sick
I had two cups of coffee at five in the morning
so I woke up really quick
I hope today stays this way
it feels nice to not be stressed
Not only do I have plans after school
but last night I got plenty of rest
I feel very out of my skin today
I feel energized and alive
I am going to enjoy this moment that I am in
and kiss all of the drama goodbye

When I look into the mirror
I see a girl with a lot of talent
I see someone beautiful and amazing
I see a girl who is not afraid to admit when she's had it
Not only do I see beauty
I see a girl with a good heart
I see respect and intelligence
I see strength for when she falls apart
I see courage and happiness
I see understanding and hope
I see personality and *****
I see a girl confident enough to reach for the stars
I see love and friendship
I see miracles and laughter
I see **** and glamorous
I see a girl who believes in happily ever afters
I see a girl who sees the heart for what it truly is
I see a girl who is mysterious
sort of like a walking quiz
I see nothing but greatness
I see individuality
I see a girl who is proud to be unique
I see the naturally, sweet and silly Mandie  


This is a me I haven't seen in a really long time. I missed her. Please don't ever go away again.