My baby brother Thomas turns thirteen today
it makes me feel so old
I can't believe he's a teenager
he's so young yet so bold
It seems like just yesterday he was born
he was small and chunky too
I swear last week he was learning to walk
while chewing on his Winnie The Pooh
Everyday I see him growing
it sometimes makes me cry
It's cool to see him grow his wings
so he can eventually fly
He runs and he laughs so fearlessly
he scares me sometimes
but when he comes home with a smile on his face
that's how I know he's alright
I learn a lot from my baby brother
I don't think he knows that
I know one thing if I'm in any trouble
my baby brother always has my back
He teaches me to be carefree
to not let others define who I am
he's one of the reasons why I'm still here
and when it comes to drama he does not give a ****
I'm happy Thomas is my brother
he is definitely my baby boy
Even when he annoys me to death
he is still my pride and joy
I am glad I've had him for thirteen years
it's been a fun journey so far
I can't wait for what's coming in the next thirteen years
maybe he will be the world's next superstar
All in all I love him so much
and there is only one thing I can say
that is you are really special Thomas
I love you baby brother
Happy Birthday

Right now I am really angry
everything is bugging me
Every voice I hear is like nails on a chalkboard
and it's aggravating to me
Why can't anyone shut the hell up?
It's really ******* me off
Everyone is fighting over stupid drama
when will they have enough?
I want to go home at this very moment
I want to burst into tears
I feel alone in this very space
I'm being suffocated by my fears
I need to leave because I'm heated up
I am going to lose my mind
Why does everyday have to **** up?
Why can't I just be happy here for once?

I had a lot of anger issues as a teen but my anger was only worse when I was at school. I couldn't stand my peers. Their immaturity made me want to scratch out my eyes. The teachers always complained because I always wanted to do things on my own instead of participate with the class. I hated to participate because I am a fast learner and I just hated sitting an hour being taught something that I could teach myself. I didn't like being bothered by people. I was the girl who liked to sit in the corner and read a book by myself. I had a lot of days where I just walked off of campus because I seriously thought I would hurt someone if I stayed. Eventually I dropped out and some people may think that was a dumb choice but for me it was the best choice and I don't regret it.

When I'm angry I cut.
When I cut it's like this high.
I feel everything that's eating away at me inside come out of me through one cut.
I bleed and it doesn't hurt.
I feel relieved.
I feel like I can breathe and I suddenly have the energy to carry on when really I just want to give up.

When I'm sleeping I dream.
I dream of a world where stereotypes do not exist.
Everyone is happy.
Everyone is faithful.
The economy doesn't ****, the president is someone you can trust and everyone is getting along.
No one is emo, no one is ghetto, no one is scene.
You're just yourself and you're accepted because you're fine just the way you are.

When I'm content, calm, speechless, sad, or nervous I write.
I write about things I can't say in person.
I write about thoughts that interfere with my daily routine.
I write about my fears, my insecurities and words that when I look at them, they form an understanding to who I am but when others look at them they have no idea what I am talking about.
Writing gives me the time to be myself.
Writing is a part of me.
It is me which is why I do it everyday.

The blood seeps out of my thick pale thighs
and it doesn't seem to stop
The tears fall out of my dark hazel eyes
as I hear the razor drop
My body turns numb while ignoring the pain
it feels like I'm half dead
The blood gets darker and my eyes get wetter
there are absolutely no thoughts in my head
All I can hear is my heartbeat
it isn't beating fast anymore
I feel myself getting colder
as I sit on the cold tile floor
I feel myself getting sleepy
as if I just ran a really long race
I close my eyes and continue to bleed
while wiping the tears off of my face
I'm hurting inside more than usual today
the pain just won't go away
I could write in a journal or talk to someone
but what the hell am I supposed to say?
No one in this life can help me
so I cut to cope with the pain
All the while hoping I die
so I can get the **** away from everybody else

If I could just die in my sleep right now
that would be okay with me
I could finally get out of this hell hole
and everyone would just let me be
I could get away from all of the fighting
and yelling that takes place day to day
I could be forgotten in a second
and that would be okay
I want to be left alone
I want the pressure to be perfect to end
I want the world to stop looking at me like a bug under a microscope
I want perfection to stop being a trend
I want people to stop ******* judging me
I want the constant need to talk **** to stop
I want my way of thinking to be left alone
without making judgments on my heart
I want it to rain forever
so the world can see my constant pain
I want my past to drop dead already
and stop affecting me in everything
I want to take my last breath now
I say 20 years of living is enough
I can't take this pressure we call life
it's just not worth it anymore

I can't wait for you anymore
you and I are not the same
I've been patient but I'm losing myself
I don't even know my name
What are you planning to do with your life?
You're lazy and you tell lies
There are people and family that love you
but that's too difficult for you to realize
It's interesting how you are
you got so much greatness and talent
You never want to let yourself shine
because you're stuck behind unhealthy habits
One day you will be alone
You will never know who you are
Keep running away from your problems
you won't get very far

Sometimes I wish I was dead
these tears that I have are getting too old to shed
Whenever you're gone
something tells me you're not alone
I can't reach you on the computer
and you won't pick up your phone
What are you doing when I'm not around?
Thinking of you being unfaithful
makes it impossible to hear any sound
It hurts me inside to think badly of you
but the stories you have been telling me lately
just seem so untrue
Even when we hug
you smell different to me
You smell like alcohol and ****
the perfume on you doesn't smell like me
Even when we're together
you forget what I like
I point these suspicions out to you
then you get mad and we fight
I'm sick of the only one
who is doing her part
If your unhappy just tell me
don't keep breaking my heart
I can't go on like this
this fear is driving me crazy
just answer me honestly
are you cheating on me?