There’s something here
Stop acting like you’re
Not feeling it
You’re terrified

Say you’re in love
Admit that to me
There’s more between us
And it’s so tempting

You taste like cigarettes
You feel like home
You say I’m perfect
But too ******* young

Boy I know
That we could be more
But you’re too
******* scared

I’m tired of sneaking
Around with you
In and out of
My windows

I know you want
Me
I know you want
To stay

But I’m too ******* young
And you’re too ******* scared

A six-year difference
Is a ten-year sentence
Only if you’re caught.

You’re tired I know
I wish you were here
I miss you
I can’t sleep without you

You’re so perfect
You’re so wonderful
You are everything to me
But you’re too young

I forget it all the time
17 and 23
I daydream
About you

What it would be like
To hold your hand
To listen how your
Spanish tongue rolls

I have scrapes from
Crawling up your wall
I’ve thrown way
Too many rocks

But what if your dad saw
The way you look
When your eyes are rolling
In the back of your head?

I’m tired of sneaking around
I’m tired of hiding in your closet
I could call you baby
I want to stay

But you’re only 17
You’re too ******* young

And a six-year difference
Is a ten-year sentence
Only if you’re caught.

What are we doing?
We both have someone
But I can’t get the taste
Of you
Out of my mouth

You touch my waist
The fire in your eyes
Shoots desires through mine
I come around when
You least expect

How do you do this?
Every day
Late nights
Early mornings
You arrive

Stop calling
Stop falling
Stop wandering around
In my yard
Stop this need

I need to be alone
That’s a lie and you know it
Stop touching me
That’s a lie and you know it
Don’t leave again

What is this?
When did I
Get so emotional
But also detached

When did all this noise
Become so loud
That it changed into a
Deafening silence

My heart stopped beating
A long, long time ago
But I still live
And blood still courses through my veins

It’s the feeling of
Everything
It’s the feeling of
Nothing

It hurts
And it hurts so badly
But I am still unsure
On what exactly is giving me this pain

Have I lost my mind
Or did I find it a while ago
Maybe this sadness was birthed
From finally seeing reality

This darkness is so black
It becomes bright in the day
I thought I knew myself
I thought I was cold

But this is a new freeze
This is a new chill
This is a new black
This is a new low

This is going
To hurt
Like hell

Hello love
For you
I have so much
To say

Do you remember?
Where we would go
That little patch
Of nowhere

Where the hills
Rolled into nothing
Where the stars were infinite
Do you remember?

Or did you forget
Like you forgot how
You felt about
Me

Remembrance
Is the poison,
I will drink
‘Til it kills me

I wish I could
Forget
Like you forgot
Me

I just need you here
I just need your touch
And I know, I know, I know
You can never be with me

But you come anyways
And we just sit
No words will be spoken
Nothing but the same album playing

It’s the same album
From when we first met
When we first touched
When we first laughed

It’s the same song
From our first dance
Our first kiss
Our first time

I rest my head on your shoulder
You just sit there, rigid
I haven’t touched you since I left
But I’m so desperate for something

My heart twists
My wrists hurt
My lips tingle
The open wounds don’t close

Thoughts linger in the air
Words unspoken don’t make their way
Past our lips,
You touch my face

There is so much noise in my street
But I can only feel your breathing
Your heart is barley beating
It might have stopped

My face in your hands, I look up
You ask for a light
And I just shake my head
I have nothing left for you.

The wind blowing
As I continued to swing
Over the cliff
Back to the surface
Over the cliff
Back to the surface

The sun did set
Shooting orange into my veins
The moon overhead
Illuminating my skin
Mars and Venus spun
The trees turning gray

And yet, I swung
Went over the cliff
Screaming at the abyss
And back again
Content

“Hey dad, what’s your favorite thing about each of us?”

Innocent questions were her specialty.
She was too curious.
He looked at her after a second,
To think.

“Well your mother is my soul mate.
She keeps me in check.
She’s hardworking.
I love her.”

She made a mocking ‘awh’
Clenched her heart.
He rolled his eyes.
He continued.

“Your older brother is strong.
He’s independent.
He knows how to handle adversity.
He knows how to work”

She saluted her father.
Mimicking her older brother.
General wanna-be.
Not quite there.

“Your older sister is a free spirit.
She is outgoing.
She is exciting.
She could do what she wanted with that head of hers.
She’s good at everything.
She can do anything.”

He smiled and shook his head.
They were one and the same.
The first daughter took after her dad.
Almost like looking in a mirror.

She smiled as she was waiting her turn.
Being the third child.

“Your little brother will be a leader.
He can overcome anything.
He can adapt to any climate.
He is fun and athletic.
He can do it.”

Her dad nodded his head.
Put down the dried dishes.
He began to walk away.
Her smile faded.

“Wait what about me?
What do you think about me?”

She tried to smile.
She straightened her posture.
He turned around.

“Oh yeah, uh.
Well.
You’re pretty.”

He turned and walked upstairs.
Finished.
Leaving her in the kitchen.
Alone.

I don’t know
How do you,
Know what
Love is?

They say you know
When you know
But looking at you
Is heartbreaking

I don’t love you
But you love me
This cant be right
Were too young

Find someone who
Knows what its like
I don’t want this
I can’t have this

But I can’t get you
Out of my head
All I want is
You in my bed

I want to spend every
******* moment
With you
But we cant

Too many roads
Too many rivers
Are between us
Boy I know

We could be more than
Just this
We could have a future
The one you want

But I’m scared
I don’t think that far
I don’t get that deep
Maybe I should.

I hurt
Because
You hurt

Is this not
What it
Feels like

To
Be
In
Love?

I’m burning
In my own head

There are burns
Physically and mentally

All alone
I have bad desires

Oh I’m on fire
Help me

Before I turn
Again and again

Before the burns
Become permanent

I need a Band-Aid
Are you it?

And I look at you
The way you look at her
And I sit here
And I think too deeply

I think about what
We could be
And what it would be like
To hold your hand

And I think about
How your arms
Hang loosely around her hips
When you're tired

And I picture myself
Holding you tight
After a long night
After everything hit the fan

I want to know what
It's like to feel
Your lips against my forehead
And on my neck

But what hurts the most
Is I was so close
And pushed her into you
So you wouldn't fall

So you wouldn't fall into me
Because that would be
Like breaking a dam
During a flood

So I will watch you love her
And I will watch your light
Shine through her
And think just for a little while longer.

I can’t do this again
You drag me in
Like I inhale smoke
From cigarettes

I didn’t smoke before you
I didn’t choke on pills
I didn’t drink my weight
I didn’t cry

But I found you
And I was falling down
Like a flightless bird
Pushed out of the nest

And I hit that ground
So ******* hard
I lost my breath
And my ability to speak

Just like the way I did
When you kissed my lips
And told me you loved me
For the first time

But then you left
You left me again
And again
Time after time

You are trying to come back
But how do I handle that
I don’t think I can
But dear god do I love you

We look back on the times
We climbed trees and
Felt like we were flying
When we jumped out
We look back on barefoot nights
And roaming our streets
Looking for lighting bugs
To trap in jars
We look back on the tears
We shed when corporate men
Tore down our forest homes
And destroyed our last shred of hope

We sit in our rooms now
We go to bed at four
We wake up at the same time
We don’t speak very much
We see each other around
Only sometimes though
And we exchange glances
We know the games too well
Talk and we sometimes stop
We talk about how she went crazy
And how he got arrested for drugs
And how we all got ****** from society

We dream about our lives
10, 20, 30 years from now
We all dream about a reunion
But we only see the issues about it
No one can stand the silence
But we can’t imagine it breaking
We all want to make up
We all want to run the city together
But the times have changed
And that won’t ever stop
Because our futures are too bright
Why would we quit now?

Sometimes dreams are all we have
We dream about the past
We dream about the present
And we will forever dream about the future

When dark settles in
And all go to sleep
I am awake
Wondering when you will arrive

My phone lights up
With your name
As always
It states the same thing

I need you now
I miss you like hell
I’ve driven by your house
Seven times

Come outside
Actually no don’t
I’m coming in
I need you

My door is always unlocked
But you always choose my window
You wrap your arms around me
And soon you’re snoring

You never sleep alone
You say you cant
But I don’t believe you
You just hate having a cold bed

You look at me
How I gaze
At the stars

You close your eyes
And dream about me
And about Venus
You talk in your sleep

You kiss me
Because I’m needed
More than
Our atmosphere

You make me stay
Up at night
Because you like the way
The moon illuminates
My skin

You found me
As they continue to
Find and discover
The unknown

And you love me
Like a passionate myth
Of how the sun and moon
Came to collide
Once every
Eclipse.

****.

I hate the way you smile at girls
But I love your crooked smirk

I hate when you smoke inside
But I love the way the smoke curls
Out of your lips

I hate how you breathe so heavily at night
But I love how it brings me sleep

I hate how you hold my hand
But I love the way you rub your thumb
Over mine

I hate that I love you
But I love, loving you

Come on baby
Even though I hate you
I still love you

Go away.
But please don’t leave me alone.

I’m only writing this
Right now

Because its distracting me
From the knives that

Are staring me down
From across the kitchen.