I don't want to hear your voice.
I want to feel it
pulsing in my veins
running through my bloodstream
with every little
Permanent bruises on my legs
(I'm a peach),
but I don't mind them.
Reminding me when I'm alone,
(that I wasn't)-
you left me sweet thumb-sized poems.
The only solution is retribution.*
Here I am waitng for an execution-
when it is my heart that is filled with pollution.
Love has no constitution.
There are no written rules.
There is no reason,
there is no rhyme.
If you are lucky,
you realize that sometimes,
it is just not the right time.
The only solution is a revolution.
Here I am taking up arms,
when the only weapon I need is a successful resolution.
My mind was clouded.
War has no constitution.
There is no reason,
there is no rhyme.
I was lucky,
I realized that sometimes,
all a person needs is time.
Instead of me.
Perhaps someone out there,
is misguided too,
in planning my retribution.
I think to myself-
I just need a place.
A place where I can sit and think about,
all the memories I am unable to erase.
I need a bit of grace.
It is something that I crave, I am enslaved,
by all my past mistakes.
I need to be unchained.
I need to be freed.
I need breathing space.
Someone to clear the air.
Someone to calm my fears.
Someone to take my pain away.
My eyes open.
I am not a charity case.
I am a human being,
and it is in my own sins that I am encased.
I look at down at The Book, still amazed.
I've overlooked my safe place,
and now I see,
I have already been saved,
by His amazing grace.
I try so hard to run away from how you make me feel.
You know my true feelings, though I still seem melancholy.
You ask me why, but my lips are sealed.
It is not that the emotions aren't genuine.
My whole life all I've known is how to distance myself so I don't get hurt.
A defense mechanism, I'm a human iceberg.
the opposite way.
I just don't have the words to say-
I just don't have the courage to be-
So I do my best to be sad.
It's not fair to you,
but before this sadness is all I ever had.
So it's what I expect.
I try to be distant still,
but my insides are screaming for these chains
that are freezing me to be broken.
I let my guard down.
You flash me that smile, and they melt.
Despite the small diamonds that you see
rolling down my cheeks,
you say, "Just please be happy... for me."
So for you I struggle to fuse who I am, and who I was.
I refuse to let past events make first love a catastrophe.
I'm smiling while I am thinking about the good times-
at the same time, the pain is leaking from the corners of my eyes.
Suddenly all I can think of is how sick I am of all the lies.
I swore it would never come to this,
swore I could ignore the fact that you did not care,
ignore every time you ran to others
on the rare occasion that I could not be there.
Here I am staring at my ceiling,
realizing it is not you I need-
I just need a little healing.
And your hands cannot do that anymore,
in fact they never could.
Let all of this pain go, I know that I should.
I don't want to be simply an option.
I don't want to be your temporary fix.
What I want to be is free of these chains,
of all these games.
I want you to realize that more than my own,
it is your pain that I want to take away.
So I beg of you, quit playing around with minds,
For once in your life,
just give it to me straight.
John Sixteen : Thirty-Three,
says "[we] are told these things so that [we] may have peace".
I know it is hard to comprehend sometimes,
sometimes it is hard to even perceive-
because these troubles keep persisting, trying to break us down,
by taking advantage of our humanity.
Yes, the roaring lion often succeeds,
instead of looking to the heavens above,
we choose to chase after worldly things.
Our biggest trouble in this life is that we
fail to recognize that sometimes-
you have to fold your hands
and close your eyes
to truly see.