your name was never just letters
from the moment I said it,
nervous, awed,
it belonged to the most stunning woman I’d ever seen.
i became obsessed with your name,
whispering it softly
as i dreamed of you with me,
until one day it wasn’t a dream,
you became mine.

writing is needed
as an outlet and release
when sadness builds up

She was my everything
From the moment I first laid eyes on her
All my trauma faded
Insignificant to that gorgeous babe

Creamy gold hair
Glowing in the sun
Strands swaying in the breeze

I so badly wanted to grab your sweet hands
To stop you mid count
Have you turn to face me
Our hands hit constantly
I wasn’t sure if it was on accident or I tried
I just wanted to keep doing it
By back against yours
Our heels colliding
There was nobody I’d rather be with

Waving in the hallway
Filled my heart with joy
I felt like the center of the world
Of course
Right beside you

And how soon that faded
I stopped seeing you
And my dream was left unanswered
I could’ve sworn you gave me a look turning the corner
Going to the library
It was the perfect opportunity
Us alone in the school
But I overthought it
You made me more nervous than the waiting room for my surgery

But then that miracle happened
I added you on snap
And within hours
Conversations
Of nothing
Of everything
The start to a fiery love
The kind that can’t be put out
Because it grows with each attack

I still remember
“Do you play?”
The start to it all
Was my piano
Back when I put your name into my moonlight
e-li-za
It more than worked
And let me tell you
That’s when I knew
You were the one

You loved everything I gave
I felt something I’d never felt before
Finally having someone who cared
Who saw me and didn’t run
You embraced who I was
I felt like a child
Giggling at stupid things
Grinning at my phone

That’s why that night I cried for six hours straight
My mom trying to comfort me
And giving up
Because it was everything
And saying it was nothing
Just broke my heart more

And I saw you move on
I saw you with someone else
I watched you ignore me
So I did what I had to
I bottled it all up

Yet I had the summer blues
All the while
I was missing you

Then band camp came
We were back
And somehow
Small talk
Subtle jokes
Became leaps of faith
And we were in one another’s arms once again
Until we got stripped away
Believing it was for the best
That was my worst era
Because I knew I couldn’t do without you
But I tried to

And she came along
Messed me all up
Gave me alternative sensations
Compensating for the pain in my heart
Until it was too much
She didn’t like what she saw in me
She couldn’t change who I was
And I was thrown out

But you
You scooped me up
Nursed me back to full health
And confessed

I know you’ve thought it
But it wasn’t stupid
Because it brought me to my knees
Everything made sense
I could finally figure out where I am
Because I had you again
The final time

I wished
I hoped
I dreamed
I cried
I prayed
I wondered
I thought
I loved

It wasn’t enough
And you were gone
Because we can’t decide our own fates
I can’t pick me for you
You can’t pick me for everyone else
I regret letting you go though
Even though I couldn’t have fought

Then my poem found you
And you reached back
And I pulled you right to me
Not letting go
But I didn’t have to
You grabbed back
Maybe even pulled me closer than before
Our bond feels like a single program
One soul building two lives

This is it
I have to leave us here
I can’t lose you
So I remain

Talk to me
Whisper to me
Invisible ink to me
Cry to me
Yell to me
I’m here for it
I’m here for you
And I’m never going

I was obsessed over you
I fell for you
I cried with you
I died with you
I returned for you
Girl
I love you