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My life was stuck in greyscale
Until you came along
With beautiful watercolors.
You painted the skies
With amethyst and sapphire
With coral and azure.
You painted the autumn trees,
With amber and titian
With hazel and maroon.
You flooded the dark oceans
With turquoise and navy.
You sprinkled the grey mountains
With shimmers of flaxen sunlight.
My entire life exploded
Into an exquisite rainbow.

And then you left.
And the radiant world
You had painted for me
Slowly faded
Back into anaemic dust and gloom.
This darkness is growing
Yet not quite showing
Or with anyone but me knowing
It's still there
I act as if I don't care
I bare it to make life worth living
I wear it even if it hurts giving
Just so mundane
Everything feels the same
Everything that deals these hands of insane
It hurts
But I need to do so much more
Before I can see the dawn
Revel in my core
Before I can reform
In the warmth of the sun again
And reach the morning
I need this rain to clear
I need to bleed this pain but I fear
The dark
The mark its left
So far its never been right
This girl who used to be with me
I don't think she is what she says to be
This girl who used to be with me
I don't think she agrees

I wonder if really
Where my eyes wander to see clearly
I wonder if I really
Could ever get nearly
To what she wanted
If I was ever what she wanted
Doubt I was ever what she wanted

She could of been mine
But she needs someone
She could of been mine
She needs anyone
Who can say she's there's
Who can show they care
Who can bare the dark
And live it through with her
Who can wear the dark
And give it to her

Now I'm lost
Best just make the most
Now I'm lost
Tour down this canvas to leave a ghost
Your sound is a poiseness dose
Your frown is the thorn in your rose

And she doesn't understand
I don't have a plan
And I don't understand
Got my head stuck in the sand
What if I was smarter
What if I was nicer
I had been enough.
Could I of been yours?
Could you of been mine?
You are my sunlight
You got me out of the night
I feel at home when I'm with you
I feel overthrown but try stick to you like glue
You are my cryptonite
You don't seem to set things right
But let me think that they might
Only get a little brighter
I was in the dark but you showed me the white
The nothingness isn't loneliness
It's just a blank canvas
It's what you make of it
It's what you take from it
You left me awake and a lit
Left happy bits
Not going to quit
And to revel in your mind
To think bout you all the time
I wonder if you could of been mine
I wonder what we could find
Let your thoughts unwind
And let our knots combine
Branches intertwine
Walking through these pines
These trees are talking wondering who
As we wander through to something new
Wonder what it was we thought we knew
These leaves are covered by this morning due
Gentle silence is dawning into
A pretty little day getting better
Lumber and wonder brought together
Drops of rain letting things get a little wetter
Ever since you met her
You had needed to get her  
You're sad you let her in
You're bad who could of known you'd sin
But you're glad you gave in
What you didn't mean
What you could have been
What you could of seen
What you would of deemed
Could of got so good and free
Struggling to breathe
Just lost in the breeze
Honesty
Trapped by sleeping restlessly
Guess it was meant to be
Guess I was meant to be me
So for now
You'll try put me away
And I'll save you for a better day
When the clouds aren't so grey
And everything's okay
Finding our own way

Maybe I'll forget your name
Maybe things won't be the same
Maybe things won't be as insane
Maybe these clouds won't start to rain
Maybe our feelings won't get to feel pain
Maybe I'll get you out of my brain
Maybe my energy won't be drained

And I won't need to train myself
To look out for my health
To look out for ourselves
To look out for anyone else

Just remember you were the one that made this choice
Just remember that whatever is done I'll only ever keep to my own noise

But I never danced that way before
Doubt I'll ever find anything that could mean something more
But you opened up these different doors
Left me sore
Tore out my guts
Poured out my gore
Left me raw
Wondering what you are doing it for
Maybe you forgot what we were living for
You left me alone to fight this war
I'm left to what I own
There's still light
And there's still so much more to endure.
Its only getting brighter
I will stay with you
Until these feelings stop staying the same
Until these feelings grow more insane

Guess its just best if I back off now instead
Put these feelings to rest before they end up dead

I think too much about what I said
I sink too much into my own head
I'm overgrown
My weeds are getting tangled with my trees
I'm overthrown
It's brought me to my knees
It haunts me so I can't breathe
It taunts me so I can't see

Stop, don't make a sound
Drop down hit the ground
You can't imagine it
How much **** you're tangled up in
Mangled bits you're parts are stuck
I don't give a ****
But I've got to live through this muck
That I made
And it's all the same
Every god dam day
Found a way to stay so grey
Found a place to stay
Found a name who knows his way
Found a face who's built to play.

I see clear
Let's just have some fun
Shift my gear
Get something done
I can't steer
I'm so dumb
I'm not here
I'm numb.
 May 2015 Lucy Christine Gray
sev
her presence was rough
and it left a splinter that
i could not pull out
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