You came here to show me your side,
I looked up at the sky
seeing a storm unfold,
surely it would break through soon

I could see that this wouldn't end well,
I would be soaked in remorse
as soon as you uttered those words

Those words,
shaped liked daggers
ready to split me in half

It was never good
when you would raise your voice,
shout at me
as if I were partially deaf,
or a simpleton

You were such a degrading
*******

I had no respect for you,
and you had zero for me

I could see the fire heating up,
behind those ****** **** eyes
that gazed at me
as though,
I were the devil incarnate

You were a melting block,
that nothing
and no one
could stop from burning

The hate,
the anger,
it boiled deep in you

It was like hell
was inside of you

Nothing I ever did
was just right,
and all you ever did
was fight

I was rocking
back and forth,
up there in the tree
that hung its branches
right over the wishing well,
in the backyard
of this old abandoned home

I was thinking
of a time,
when it was just me,
I was alone

I had hopes and dreams,
of a bigger brighter moon
that I could reach for,
and achieve all that could be

And then I fell
from that tree,
I broke what hope I had,
I laid there for a while
as the breeze
took over the leaves

The sky clouded over
and it began to drizzle,
all over the flowers
that were next to me

They appeared as though,
they were writhing with pleasure
for the rain was helping them grow

The beauty,
and the stillness
back there beneath the trees
was wondrous,
the chilling calmness
wrapped around me
like a warm fire
on a fall evening

It was always hard
to leave that place behind

The world is so full of
the constant need for contact,
the tempting screens
showing us what we should be

It sickens me at times
when I want peace,
but the distractions consume me

The times I spent in that tree,
helped me to see what truly matters
in this life,
and it's not the comfort of the tv screen,
it's not the blaring of the radio,
it's not the brand names of useless things
it's not any of those things

Life is continuously growing around us,
and what are we doing,
but losing life in front of a screen,
forgetting what it all means

Whenever I used to wander
away from home
as a child

I would look up at the sky
as I sat by the gravestones,
in this quiet dome

My home space,
I was never sad
never alone

Just at peace
with nature,
and the dead

I wondered,
I did
about the tombstones
made of wood
just blank, baring no names
no flowers on those graves

It was sad,
so I did a very dangerous thing

I borrowed flowers from
the new plot
that was recently laid

There was an abundance of flowers,
for this man who had been slain

I felt he could share with the poor,
Whose tombstones bore no name

It was my innocence
that made me do this terrible thing

Steal from the dead,
I had meant no harm

At that time,
I was simply unaware
of rich or poor

I had simply meant to balance
the flower score

Here I am,
reminiscing of times I've spent with you,
journeys we have taken
moments we have shared

I was simply unaware
of what was to come,
of how my mind would consume me,
and only let me see one side,
to the story of our life together

It's all jumbled up,
in photos
those times that I can see clearly now

It's as if I was looking at us
through a foggy glass
Unappreciative of the comfort,
the safety,
and the love

I fear,
it cannot be undone

But, I sigh
it's a great relief to have loved

I thought this would be easier,
being that I have been unhappy for so long

The memories pour in
like a bad case of diarrhea

It disgusts me
that I spend anytime at all
Thinking that,
what we had wasn't so bad

I have spent countless moments
Pushing the merry-go-round
in my head, until I'm dizzy
And unable to stand on my own

The other day,
I wrote some pretty sappy ****
about our future

Like we really ever had that desire
I honestly couldn't say I aspired
for us to be one with each other

I've been fighting this inner struggle
For years, that I need to find a way
to solve our problems,
but the solution was always this one

I must fight to stay apart from you

I never truly let you in,
but I did get used to your presence in my life

Your dull, blue presence
That quenched any fire I tried to start

I'm following in my own footsteps,
Repeating history
You'd think it was a joke
If I told you the whole truth

My tales are like a really ****** up television show
It's hard to say what motivates me
Other than lust,
And a need for love

I can't say that I regret what I've done
I've had quite a lot of fun

But I've wronged a few men in my day
Gave them every reason to run
They return, simply yearning for more
Until I tell them, they aren't the chosen one

It's rough, I know I've been bad
I've been awful

I do feel sorry for hurting anyone,
But **** I never told them to feel any emotions for me
I just wanted to have a little fun
Be carefree

And maybe that's my issue
I show my true colors to those who I fancy for a moment
But I don't want more than a few rolls in the hay,
A warm night atop some young stud

This seems to get them all excited
As if I am always down for a good time
As if I never have my bad days
As if I could carry us through a field full of freshly blooming daisies every day of our lives

These guys are dreaming
If they believe that

I'm just around for the moment
I'm not here to plant seeds

There is a sad, sad girl
Named Eliza Jane
Who is full of pain
She cries buckets of tears at night
That no one can hear
But she feels them
The sobs cascade upon her
Like a massive wave
That crashes her deeper
And deeper into the darkness

She feels she is drowning
She can't take much more
The pain is too great

There is a man that lays next to her
Consumed in his own dreams
He sleeps calmly
And easily
While she weeps

Her resolve during daylight
Is a huge masquerade
She keeps a smile on her face for the public eye
But when the lights go dim
Her heart breaks softly
Night after night  

She doesn't feel loved,
Not by him

If only someone could take her away, she breathes
If only someone could love her the right way, she dreams

Dec.2014