I'm young, just wanting to express myself freely. I write to let my feelings go, I read to feel the feelings of others. I love to sing, listen to music, and writing anytime I can. In real life I'm not always social. Online, my soul is set free. I want to know what people think, truthfully, of my writings. I'm an awkward 17 yr old girl, that can play rough like the boys. I'm me.... though not sure who that is yet....

what's my place in life
i dont know
why am I here
i dont know
can you help me
no
why not
because I'm to weak to
oh
yea
ok
i wish i could help you
I know
do you want to go
yea, i always do
ok
yea
come on, follow me
where
we are gonna leave
ok
take my hand
ok
this way
whats next
what do you want to be next
i dont know
well, let's just keep going
ok
you know what
what
you seem as lost as me
thats probably because I am
do you know who you are
no, do you
no
well, what do you want to do
whatever you want to
ok....can i hug you
ok
we hug
you're an awesome person
so are you
how come we cant get anyone else to see us
because they are blind to us
do you know why
no, but i have some ideas
like what
they dont understand us
oh
yea
well, can we change that
i've been trying for a long time
oh
yea, i dont think it'll happen anytime soon
ok, well, I'm glad that i have you
and im glad that i have you
we hug again
will they ever change their ways, the others, i mean
i dont know, but we should go
ok
follow me
**we walk away

do you know who i am
that lost
trapped
angry soul
the one left behind
the left over thing
I can't seem to feel
can't seem to think
do you know who i am
that lost
trapped
angry soul
I don't want to feel
to think
or do I
I don't know
so I ask
do you
can you help me
let me know
let me see.......
or do I want to see
to know
so many things
so much to ask
so little time
times almost up
I'm done
I'm gone
I can't do this anymore
you don't understand
how could you
I'm a foreign object
to everyone
and everything
there is no one for me
I accept that now
how could anyone love me
I'd have to live in a fairytale for that to happen
I'd have to leave my life
but who could love me still
who could love the beast I am
I'm the most feared monster
but I try to be nice
that never worked
it still doesn't
questions
ALL
THESE
F...ING
QUESTIONS
I don't know
*let me alone

Let A meet B and C what happens

I am me
noone knows who I am
everyone looks at me
girls point and laugh
guys are my friends
some girls hate me for that
I am different
those girls try to make me sad
I stare back at them
I see into their souls
they become afraid
they try to point out my flaws
they are to slow and to late
I know my flaws
my flaws are none of their concern
I smile, I see their flaws
unlike them I don't point them out
I keep them to myself and smile
they don't know I know
I see them smirking
I look at them with their ghosts
they fear their ghosts
they call me names and leave
I just keep smiling
I keep my head high
I think of their flaws
when noone is there
I chuckle to myself
I see those girls for who they are
they are monsters
but somehow I'm the feared beast
I smile and stay the way I am
I am me
and I will never be them

why is it
when you think you know someone
they change
I keep the one i love close
he's with me
he hasn't changed
I'm still in love and euphoria
I still dont want it to end
I just wish we could really know someone
maybe not everything we think
or everything we feel
But to be able to love who we want to love
and know them better
we all need privacy, yeah
but it'd be nice to KNOWa person
for better or worse
I love people for them
I don't like to be judged
so I try not to judge
not always the best at it
but who is?
I try to be the best I can
but what if it's not good enough???
what then?
am I wasting my life?
I don't know
I don't think I'll ever truly know......
anything or anyone, that is.....

Love me all my life
show me the way
give me someone to hold onto
let it be you and me

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

I wanted to stay
I need you here
you're my reason to breathe
I live on your love

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

I'll be your lover
I'll forever be yours
all I ask is for you to be mine
we'll love each other till the end

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

Time for life is short
love in life is long
I'll give all of me
just let us be together

Is love the way
help me through
love me the way I love you

You are my world
please be mine
I love you and I always will
I will always stay with you

Is love the way
help me through
love me, love me
love me the way I love you
I love you, you, you
I love you

I'm gonna leave
this world I'm giving up on
there's too much crap
to much pain
to much.......
what is left
what can there be
what can become
why am I asking
there's nothing I can do
nothing I can see
nothing......
I'm done
people all around
trying to be real
when they are so fake
it's unreal
.....like I said
so fake.......
I can't do this anymore
can't live like this anymore
I'm grabbing the glinting metal
I run my thumb over the edge
I smile as the blood trickles down
that metallic red
so thick and beautiful
it runs from the shallow valley
I gasp as I press the edge into my palm
just a quick pain
then nothing
a beautiful thing
the most wondrous loss
I've ever felt
I run my fingers through the gush
it is my paint
I can place it on the page
and make a beautiful disaster
because it is
*it's my beautiful disaster

Sitting and reading
******* on a candy cane
Not paying attention to my surroundings
Twirling the candy cane in my mouth
I look up
A stranger is staring at me
I look back quizzically
I shrug my shoulders as he just stares
I turn back to my book and candy cane
I see him from my peripheral vision
He's still watching me
I notice he's looking at my mouth
I shrug inwardly
I have to turn the page
I let the candy cane hang in my mouth
I'm becoming enraptured
I take the cane out and lick my lips
I look at the end and see it has a sharp point
I smile and wave it in front of me like a sword
I turn back to my book and bite the sharp end off
The guy raised an eyebrow
He had a smile playing upon his lips
He seemed amused with me
I looked at him
I marked my place and went over to him
why are you staring at me?
He smiled playfully
do I need a reason, miss?
I shrugged my shoulders
I went and got my book
I walked out after paying for the coffee I had been drinking earlier
I smiled slightly as I kept ******* on my candy cane, thinking
'The people you meet in a coffee/book shop'
I kept walking, wondering why he was staring at me

Uh huh, life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is
'Cause life's like this
Uh huh, uh huh that's the way it is

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see
I like you the way you are
When we're drivin' in your car
And you're talking to me one on one
But you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

You come over unannounced
Dressed up like you're somethin' else
Where you are ain't where it's at
You see you're making me laugh out
When you strike your pose
Take off all your preppy clothes
You know you're not fooling anyone
When you've become...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watchin' your back like you can't relax
You're tryin' to be cool
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No, no, no

No, no, no
No, no, no
No, no, no

Chill out, what you yellin' for?
Lay back, it's all been done before
And if you could only let it be
You will see...

Somebody else 'round everyone else
You're watching your back like you can't relax
You're trying to be cool,
You look like a fool to me
Tell me

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated?
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no

Why do you have to go and make things so complicated? (yeah, yeah)
I see the way you're acting like you're somebody else
Gets me frustrated
Life's like this
You, you fall and you crawl and you break
And you take what you get and you turn it into honesty
You promised me I'm never gonna find you fake it
No no no

You say I'm a ****
That I'm a worthless thing
But you don't know me
You took me for granted
You never really cared
You kept me down
But you still hurt me
I stayed quiet
I didn't know the voice I had
I didn't want to see or believe
You shattered my hopes and dreams
You left me there, bleeding and bruised
I stayed in the dark
I never fought back
I lied for you
Now lies are all I know
I didn't know I could speak
You certainly didn't give me the chance to
You came back and put me down again
I knew nothing but cruelty from you

Blood
streaming down my face
I feel them
it touches my toungue
there's a mettalic taste
I wipe it off my cheek
the red is on my hands
I look around
no one's here
I feel the blood
flowing
now there's a salty taste
I know what it is from
it's from my liquid pain
fury
the turrents flowing out with the blood
they're mixed
my tears and blood
I reach my hands up
but I don't hide
I just wipe them off
but not completely
never completely
and I feel the mixture
I bring my hands in front of me
and mix the blood and tears
between my fingers
with *******
I make war stripes on my cheeks
I look ahead
at my battle ground
I stalk forward
an evil smile playing on my lips
I throw my head back
open my mouth
and let out a growl
that ended with a barking laugh
I look ahead
I keep going
out into the world
to show my scars
seen and unseen
I hold my head up
open the door
and walk out into the darkness
that unforgiving
untouchable
unseeing yet ever seeing
darkness

Slip away, your vanity is gone, I'm falling out of place
We all fall down, the pain goes on
We bear through the war and turn the lost away
We all fall down, the pain goes on

And I'll be the fire that dries the flood

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

Stripped away, we rise above it all, forgotten and betrayed
We all fall down, the pain goes on
No better than before, still broken and afraid
We all fall down, the pain goes on

And I'll be the cloud that hides the sun

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

I'm falling to pieces, pained and used
I know what I needed, it's not you
It's not you

As I fight for one last prayer, I keep holding on
No love to believe in
As I drag the Devil down, I will stand alone
No longer defeated

No longer defeated
No longer defeated

I feel them coming
They're in my head
I watch the metallic red gushing from me
I throw my head back and laugh
I have to go
I've scared them Again
HAHA
I can't seem to help it anymore
I love the pain, it keeps me away
I need help, love and patience, none of which I have
I love sincerely and I always will, but noone returns my feelings
So I know I'm alone, but atleast I did something
I killed my self, just like they wanted, unfortunately
I don't know what to do anymore, and that's what scares me
The unknown of my strength
I know I could **** if I tried, but I don't know my limit,
Noone does, yet........

Loving fragrant air
blooming bulbs in night or day
beautiful flowers

I love to smell them
They are always beautiful
they are so pretty

I love to plant them
I like roses and lilies
I do love flowers

For those who don't understand
For those who thinks this is a game
For those who don't know me
For those who don't believe me
For those who don't believe in me
For those who laugh at me
For those who try to hurt me
For those who have hurt me
For those who don't like me for me
For those who don't give me the time of day
For those who want me dead
For those who lie about me
For those who want to be asseholes
For those who want to be *******
For those who never noticed me
For those who scorn me
For those who try to put me down
For those who have put me down
And I got to say thank you
And you know what?
This ones for u!!!

I'm lonely
I'm alone
I guess this is my curse
My bad luck to deal with
I thought today would be good
That today could be special
I'm not superstitious
like many around me
but I just want something good to come out of this
this day meant to be bad
Idk the origin of today
but it's really wearing on me
this day meant to be cursed
which I don't understand why
because it should be another day
well.....
except today being February Friday 13
Today I have to smile......
It's my brother's birthday
He's annoyed when teachers know it
cuz he doesn't like to be sung to...
So today's his day
So I say what I need to on here
so I can be happy for him......
I'm depressed and don't know why
I'm alone
I'm lonely
*and no one knows my truths....

once twice thrice
i rock back and forth
and hit my head on the wall
i cry then laugh
at all who see
i'm insane
nice to meet you
to bad for you
cuz you met me
im gonna die
and then you'll see
im no longer nice
so how did i become me
you hurt me
you hit me
yet im not broken
im just cracking
little by little
turning into alot by alot
im cracking up
hehehehe
guess what
nevermind about what you think life is
cuz thats not life
im dead
did you know that
i'm a figment of your imagination
didn't know you were so distrubed huh
hehehe
you made me in your mind
cuz you have no one else to blame
so i guess you blame me
you give me all the pain
all the torture
all the crazy
i'm insane
nice to meet you
i think
meaning you think
cuz i'm in your imagination
hehehe
you'll never know someone as ****** up as me
because i'm your ****** up imaginery person
hehehe
welcome to my home
your head
but since im the worst of you
i have my own head
i hide there
so noone can come get me to remove me
hehehe
but you know what
nothing will save you from me
and since im the worst of you
there is no best of or from me
hehehe
you ****** up royally this time
hehehehehehehe............

Made a wrong turn once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss 'No way, it's all good'
It didn't slow me down.
Mistaken, always second guessing
Underestimated, look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me

You're so mean (so mean) when you talk (when you talk)
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices (change the voices) in your head (in your head)
Make them like you instead.

So complicated,
Look how we all make it.
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game
It's enough, I've done all I could think of
Chased down all my demons
I've seen you do the same
(Oh oh)

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me

The whole world's scared, so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in lying and we try, try, try but we try too hard
And it's a waste of my time.
Done looking for the critics, cause they're everywhere
They don't like my jeans, they don't get my hair
Exchange ourselves and we do it all the time
Why do we do that, why do I do that (why do I do that)?

(Yeah! Oh!)
Oh, pretty, pretty, pretty

Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel
Like you're less than ******* perfect
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me
(You're perfect, you're perfect)
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel
Like you're nothing, you're ******* perfect to me.

Your testing my limits
You really don't want to find out where the end of my patience is
I will come after you
You may think your better than me
All because you were raised in a church
But you aren't godly or holy
You go to church
So what?
You are against what God made and you still are
So why do you think your better
You turned a blind eye to everything
You still do
You say I drink way to much through out a day
When I drink maybe 2 or 3 cups of juice, water, or tea
And that's TOTAL in a day...
Your pushing me
I've lost my balance and became dizzy, all while my eyesight left me
And you say it's because I "moved to fast"
B...., stop self diagnosing
You and my a..hole father do this to me over and over
You do it with my shaking problem
Where I can't keep my hands steady
Everyone see's it's a problem but you two!
I had a seizure when I was 6, but you won't believe it
I've been shaking ever since, but you won't believe
Even though you see me shaking everyday!
And because I wasn't shaking at 1 point in my life
I  apparently only shake when I know someone is watching me.
That's BULL and both of you know it!!!!
When you break me, I'll break you times 3, just as the wiccan creed
So beware of what you do to me
You'll have it be returned on you

You want to keep pushing
You think I’m gonna stay docile?
I don’t care who you are
Or who you think you are
I really don’t care
But if you keep pushing, I’m gonna break
I’ll blow up and you may end up dead
My pathetic step mom
You think you’re so tough
You kept hitting me
But when you tried again, I had your arms in a lock you couldn’t get out of
It only stopped because my a..hole of a father came in and told me to stop
What would you have done if he wasn’t there?
NOTHING!
I’m stronger than you
But you threatened to put me on my a.. the next time I did that
B.... PLEASE!
You couldn’t get out of my hold on your arms on your own!
How would you expect to put me on my a..?
B...., I know I have my limits
But I haven’t come to my limit yet
So stop pushing!
You may act tough and strong
News flash, I AM!
You’re only tough when my father is on your side
I doubt you could fight a piece of paper!
If you did, you’d lose
You’ve caused so much s... in my life
Hell, I could **** you with how strong I am
And with how you treat me
I wouldn’t blink an eye, I’d laugh!
Now I hate violence
It’s my last resort, but you keep pushing me!
You act like you’re the best person
You and my a..hole father
I WILL RENOUNCE HIM AND YOU B....!!!!
So F... you and him both

you see me there, standing in the corner
I'm listening to my music
I have it blaring
I'm quiet, but everyone picks on me
What no one knows is what happens when I'm not here
I'm yelled at and punished
For whatever my step mother wants to punish me for
I'm considered a lost cause
Because I'm no good at being alive
I want the pain to end, so I make up my own world
One where no one can get to me
But my step mother yells at me because I'd rather be there
I deal with reality everyday, but I don't want to
She tries to make me
I just don't give a flying **** what she wants
Never have, but I get yelled at more for that
I don't care and I'm gonna leave soon
GOODBYE
*for now

Thank you to all who have followed, liked, and/or read my poems since I started here. You all paying attention to my rambling on has really made it a wonderful experience! Again thank you, and adieu, hasta luego, buenos noches, good night. :)

Today is Halloween
Many people have changed it's meaning
For Christians, today is all saints day
For some, it's the day were the veil between the dead and living is thinnest
For other's, today is a day to be someone else
This last is what I am doing
Today I'm a Gypsy
Free to be me
And because I'm in school, it makes it better
I'm one of few 16 yr olds that dressed up
I have just begun my day today
So I say to all that read this
HAPPY HALLOWEEN
And have a fun day of tricks, treats, and excitement
*It's the one day we can all be who and what we want to be

Another day
Another time
Another 'special time'
Another 'special day'
Why can't I have someone?
The one that I need tht needs me?
I may have found him
The one like me.....
But idk...
I feel lost
Shunned
Saddened.....

happy valentines day......I guess

Do you even see how you make me feel
Do you know what the thought of you does to me
I love talking to you
I'd love to really know you
I'm young and I'm still learning
I want to know you, what you like and don't
If you have the patience, you can teach me about true love
I'm not skilled in much
But i'm faithful, loving, and true to my heart
If you hold my heart, you hold my undying love and respect
Don't think I'm some childish fool
If I've made an error in my judgement, let me know
'Cause I'd rather there be a quick sting than an everlasting pain

I was gone
Now I'm back
I have demons that followed me
I have a story to share
I tried to run from the monster within
But they followed
They chase and hurt me
Everyday
I'm broken and bruised
But not so you physically see
I put myself down
I found out I have PTSD and depression
Yea I know it seems I want attention
I just want to talk it out
Maybe find some things out
Well I'm back


Hi....

I wanna cry
He had my heart
He kept a part of me
I wanna scream

Help me please
I need someone to love me
I need to love somebody
I need a real love

I wanna cry
I thought he loved me
I thought he was the one
I wanna scream

Help me please
I need someone to love me
I need to love somebody
I need a real love

I wanna cry
I wanna yell
I wanna weep
I wanna scream

Help me please
I need someone to love me
I need to love somebody
I need a real love

I wanna cry
My heart aches for love
Will someone help me
I wanna scream

Help me please
I need someone to love me
I need to love somebody
I need a real love

I wanna cry
I'll never be the same
He crushed my heart to dust
I wanna scream

Help me please
I need someone to love me
I need to love somebody
I need a real love

Listening to my 14 yr old bro singing amnesia at the top of his lungs. I can hear him jumping and dancing (to watch him dance is like never being able to breathe, well it is, you'd be laughing to hard) and listening to my 12yr old bro laugh loudly. I need to get out of here, oh boy my 14yr old bro just fell from trying to put his foot in the freezer again. (You'd think he woulda learned by now) and anyway, don't ask why, he doesn't even know why he does it, he just does.
Best part is, when he meets my friends, they always ask me" is he gay?" I have to keep from laughing until I can reply "Yeah, how'd you guess?" He shows who he is fully and truly.........…… my brother who's more femenine than me and broke approximately 3900 girls hearts. (Girls love my bro, and he used to have 25 gfs at a time at the same time, they knew each other and knew about each other. We also moved a lot, last count was 30 schools, almost 190 times, not even certain anymore.) He's now complaining he can't slam his own door right, as he opens the door to slam it for the third time......... Someone, help I'm already crazy, and I need out!!!!!!!!!!! Roflmao!

Well, had to go through my stuff
I find I own more guys stuff than my brother :/
About half my shirts are in men's
3/4 of my shoes are men's
1/4 of my jeans are men's
All my body products are men's axe I love the smell of axe :)
Every Barbie I've ever had is headless I really don't like barbies
And I really don't own much girly gunk My moms a tomboy, and so raised me as such (doesn't hurt my cousins taught me how to fight)
And from my moms side of the family, there is very few females....... So, no real girly female influence their
Heck, my cousins taught me how to fight while in a dress and heels, it was fun wrestling them....... :) Hahahahaha!

I try my best
I do all I can
You don't believe me

How do you know
Know that I don't
Don't try hard enough

Don't you see
I just wanted to keep on
Keep on trying to make it work

How do you know
Know that I don't
Don't try hard enough

Maybe I tried to hard
Baby you didn't see
But why can't you believe

How do you know
Know that I don't
Don't try hard enough

I didn't know you were always right
I didn't know I was always wrong

How do you know
Know that I don't
Don't try hard enough

i am alone
i am broken
i am unafraid
why should i be
why am i alive
where am i going next
where am i
why cant i be afraid
why am i still here
why cant i leave
i have so many ******* questions it's just i cant see them all

I am the one
I am everywhere
I am here to save you

Why do you cry
Why am I a monster to you
Why don't you want me near

I am the one
I am everywhere
I am here to save you

You are all I need
You are all I want
You are the beauty in my life

I am the one
I am everywhere
I am here to save you

Can't you see
Can't you be with me
Can't you believe in me

I am the one
I am everywhere
I am here to save you

I need you to open up to me
I need to know that you're okay
I need you

I am the one
I am everywhere
I am here to save you

I am here to save you
I want to be your warrior
I want to know you
I want to show you my love
I want to know your love
I am here to save you

have you ever noticed how beautiful blood is?
like when you get cut
it gushes and spills everywhere
I cant seem to find the words
like when you slam the knife
after watching it gleaming and shining
into you
What now?
well I could do so much to hurt
to give pain
but no one really cares
and I cant seem to give a ****
what anyone thinks
what anyone feels
because I cant seem to think
to feel
right now
I feel lost.....
or do I?
idk
its done
its gone
I'm alone
atleast I think I am.....
or can I?
can I think and feel?
yet not at the same time?
can anyone answer me?
I am tired.... and gone
I know I have someone.....
but we are far apart....
I am helpless
I am......
Idk anymore....
I just need someone that can understand.....
but they'd need to know me first......
Know my life.
my mind.... that scary place,
my mind is a trap,
a thing of death and scary things,
the things you thought only existed at night
into the dark corners being shadowed
but no
*I am the scariest monster you'll ever meet

Can I die yet?
You test me
You push me
You brake me
You bend me
I ******* HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
can i die yet???????
You torture me
You hurt me
You hate me
You still have everyone on your side
I ******* HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!
can i die yet???????
just let me go
let me alone
let me be
HAVEN'T YOU DONE ENOUGH TO ME?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
*just let me die, it's what i want/need..................

I feel so alone
Forget this life
Someone is playing my life
It's just a huge joke
A game to them
I'm about to be done with people
They bring mostly pain
Forget the knowledge
In my fathers eyes I'm a know it all
I guess I'm worthless
It's all so much *******
I'm ******* tired
Growing up I was quiet
I was so..........
I don't even know anymore
My grandma tells me a lot
She says when I was a baby
I didn't cry, not for anything
Infact, I was loved by a lot of people
The gypsys, and a biker gang called Hell's Angels are a couple.........
My mom told me the leader of Hell's Angels even bought me my first car seat, and that he REALLY liked my mom.........I'd like to meet them one day...... To say thank you for everything...... They may remember..... :)
When I was first born, I had a crescent moon on my forehead....it went away a few hrs after birth
The gypsys used to tell my mom about me
Infact it was a gypsy that told my mom I would be born twice blessed and be a girl
My mom thought I was a boy, because I had my legs crossed and I covered my self, so no one could tell from a sonogram......I laugh to here that.....
But even after my life, it's hard to move on sometimes........
I sometimes think about why I'm here
I'm not always wanted
Hell, more people wish me dead than love me or even want me around
People tell me how ******* stupid and ******* I am........ I'm running out of the fake chearfulness to say thank you and smile at them
I swear, I don't belong much of anywhere........so I still wonder why I'm here, going through the ******* that I endure, and have endured for the past several years......I wonder *** I did wrong........ I just don't know.......
I'm just to tired to care anymore.........

I took a walk around the world
To ease my troubled mind
I left my body lying somewhere
In the sands of time
But I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon

I feel there is nothing I can do, yeah

I watched the world float
To the dark side of the moon
After all I knew it had to be
Something to do with you
I really don’t mind what happens now and then
As long as you’ll be my friend at the end

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be
There a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

You called me strong, you called me weak,
But still your secrets I will keep
You took for granted all the times
I never let you down
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back on solid ground

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I’m alive and well, will you be there
Holding my hand
I’ll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite
Yeah!!

If I go crazy then will you still
Call me Superman
If I'm alive and well,
Will you be there a-holding my hand
I'll keep you by my side
With my superhuman might
Kryptonite

Oh, whoa, whoa
Oh, whoa, whoa
Oh, whoa, whoa

I don't know who you are
But I listen to what you say
I pay attention

I see the way you write
With a strong and swift hand
But I look for your meanings

I see your pain
I listen to your heart
I let you cry on me

You never have to be alone
You never have to be afraid
You don't have to push me away

Listen with your heart
Close your eyes
I will protect you

I will always be there for you
I will make you smile
I will rescue you

I'll take on your pain
I'll hold you close
I'll help you fly away

I'll be the warrior
I see your in distress
I hold my hand out to you

Just take what I offer
I will do all I can
You'll see the new life

So listen to me
Listen with your heart
I have always listened to you

Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I'm taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope and
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope
And I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser

She looks at him
he wants her
she smiles
he puts out his hand
they're formal
they dance
a waltz plays
around and around they go
they smile
they spread their wings
they soar
they stay close
they belong with each other
they are in love
the parents smile
the parents approve
the fathers wink at the mothers
she holds fast
he stays strong
their love carries on

the day when you feel so lost
so unwanted
so undeserving
so....wrong
that day began
or more over
has begun
for many
atleast once
i never understood
why i'm here
why i'm there
why i live
what can i do
but breathe
and stay
because
to call this living
that would be the greatest lie
i don't want to be here
at this point
but i am
i can never seem to change that
i see things everyday
things that shouldn't be seen
shouldn't be done
shouldn't be known
yet i see them
and i go through them
i try to help
but i fear i am lost
for i can't make a difference
i am put down
beaten
i am bruised
i can't stay
in this place
and they lie
cause it's called
LIFE
yet i could think to call it different
"time"
"place"
"evil"
"pain"
"sorrow"
"remorse"
and so much negativity
for this i'm seen as a pessimist
then tell me
tell me of what i should be optimistic about
look in my life
and you'll find you crossed a border
you walked straight into hell
you probably thought it wasn't real
that it was made up
well here it is
it's my home
my unfotunate home, it's true
because i not only have it
it has me
and i'm slowly burning
but i can't/don't/won't show the pain
the bs i go through
i try to save others from it
to ultimately save them from me
i try to hide
to stay away
to try to keep good in this place
but i'm not the only guest at this masquerade
i'm just one of the plainer masked
my mask is black and gray
yet it's not half and half
it is subtly mixed
you can't tell how mixed
until you are close enough to kiss that mask
the mask which i use to hide my pain
to hide my sorrow
to hide..... everything
i see the other guests
some more ellaborate than others
with their bright hues, feathers, jewels...
anything to sparkle and shine
but i'm comfortable to hide
to go into a corner
deep, dark, and far away
my mask is flimsy
so i don't push the limits
if i am ever put into the spot light
my mask will surly slip
it'll break
and i will have to leave the masquerade
so before that happens
if it ever does
i will be the first to say
welcome to the
Masquerade

why is it
when i see you
all i can do
is stand and stare
i want to run
to be wild and free
wont you help me be free
if not, then why
will it hurt you
if yes, then dont help
i dont want nice people to be hurt
cuz nice people shouldnt have the pain
leave it to me then
ill take the pain
but ill still run
and be free
oneday
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
but someday
oneday
thats when ill make sure all the nice people are free
to be who they want to be
but for now
we all fall
and its so enticing
that little blade we see
sorry
that i see
to stroke the beautiful
glinting metal
oh so beautiful
i wonder
how it would feel
to let my life drain
not all of it
just a little
but that would take some serious numbness
which takes more courage
LIFE OR DEATH????
but of course i wont do anything
as im told
over and over again
there is always someone with worse going on in their life
so be happy for what you do have
well hell
i already know that
so why remind me
oh yea i know why
cuz my lifes not worth ****
oh well ill get over it
just stop telling me about others lives that are worse
I ALREADY KNOW THAT
why do you think i dont
sighs
*oh well, bye for now, i guess

The night is a raven
Flying overhead
Starless night
I lift my face up
I let the rain fall on me
Like tears on my bare skin
I smile and reach toward the sky
I fall back into the soft grass
I run my fingers over the dew
I start humming
Someone is humming with me
I reach out my hand
A hand clasps mine
I feel the strength in his touch
I pull him beside me
I feel his shoulders and chest moving slightly
I see him smiling
I hear him chuckling
I smile and look at the sky
I sigh, it's wonderful
It's my dream date

Okay, let's start back when I was ten (any farther, and someone might cry)
I started reading 12.6 and my favorite was/is adult romance. My mom didn't care aslong as I didn't say the B.S. that I learned in them. But, unfortunately guys that were ages, and I quote 15-49, and a 52 yr old had tried f-ing me/ told me how they wanted to f me. Well, for the most part, I looked older than what I was, so the guys ages 15-29 had a valid excuse (I did look 21yrs old) but as soon as I told them my age,(and this had gone on until I was 15) they became regretful for what they did, and soon we became friends, but when I told the guys of the other age groups, they weren't, instead they still tried it (the 52yr old was my sisters fathers cousin Booner, whom I silently nicknamed *****, and he always called me his " little girlfriend" well he kept trying to kiss me which was GROSS, and he had tried to **** me, my cousins were the only ones that saw this and helped me and taught me defense) now anytime someone startles me, I lash out in defense automatically. (Funny thing is Booner stopped messing with me when I was about 7, cause he had started it back when I was 5, luckily my cousins were around) ( You see the day started out normal. Well, me, my mom, and my one brother and my sis were going to leave. Booner had said to me"Bye, little girlfriend" he leaned his head into the car to kiss me, so I wound the window up on his head and yelled at my mom to "Floor it!" She sat in the drivers seat laughing, while my sisters dad was outside on the ground laughing)

Well, if your still reading, then good for you.......you can handle my life.....

Well, since we talked on me not able to cry for too long, lets get a little in depth....

Mostly, my mom would yell at me, calling me(and I quote) *****, *****, ****, ****, *******, ***, assadine, *** whole, *******, ******* *****, and it goes on and on, with mixes and new ones........well, with that she'd yell at me to stop crying, and with each word came a swift kick to my back, and they mostly landed along my spine...... I still experience pain when I lay down, sit up, or even randomly when walking or sitting. It feels like knives are being put into that area...... I know cause I accidentally got stabbed on my hand while doing dishes...... I hate knives...... Any way that's that, and from then on I rarely cry.

Well, if you've gone through part one and don't feel well, don't read any further.......

Ok, I'm jumping back, before I was ten. I grew up with my mom 'sick' (really, it was narcotics) I thought she was mostly tired and sick. I didn't know the truth until I was thirteen. Well, while growing up, I raised my four bros I knew about and my only sister, (until she was caught, I thought I was the oldest of six, found out I'm second oldest of eight) anyway, I really hated my brother who I thought was the first brother I had. Well, I hated him because..........mom actually showed him attention and love........ And for those thinking 'parents love their kids, and it's just the child's imagination of favoritism', well, try being kicked in the back for crying from age five/six until your nine or so......... my mom wanted a boy first, but got me. :/ I tried everyday to get her attention......... she was seventeen when she had me, so I kept thinking, back since I was three/four, I was a mistake........well, I was so deeply upset, I tried to **** my self several times, I tried over dosing about twenty times(each time, my migraine went away, and that was it, hell, I kept taking large bottles of pain killers) I tried suffocation(found out I can breathe even through thick material, beds, pillows, etc.) I even tried poison berries(ps, those things taste nasty, and of course, nothing happened) I think I'm just immune/resistant to death....... never could figure out why nothing happened......... :/ I just gave up, (and from my mom kicking me and calling me every obscenity in the book while I was young and crying, I can't cry for long......... I can cry for a minute or less, but no longer :/...........

I have one person
he is my only
forever and always
I never want to let him go
he is my love
my heart
my life
my breath
my thoughts
my soul
I never want to be without him
he is mine
and I am his
forever and always
may we never part in hurt
or hatred
but be together in love
and joyousness
he makes me happy
and I make him laugh
I love him for him
just as he loves me for me
and I can't wait to be with him
to be completely his
because he lives in my heart
he is my heart
he has me
and I will always do my best
to show my love for him everyday
for having him I'm overly grateful
overly thankful
and I'll never hurt him
I love him
he is my heart
my soul
my love

*Tengo una persona
él es mi único
Por siempre y para siempre
No quiero volver a dejarlo ir
el es mi amor
mi corazón
mi vida
mi respiración
mis pensamientos
mi alma
No quiero volver a estar sin él
él es mío
y yo soy su
Por siempre y para siempre
puede que nunca hemos participado en dolor
o el odio
pero estar juntos en el amor
y alegría
el me hace feliz
y hago reír
Lo amo por él
tal como él me ama para mí
y no puedo esperar para estar con él
para ser completamente su
porque vive en mi corazón
él es mi corazón
él me tiene
y yo siempre haré lo mejor
para demostrar mi amor por él todos los días
por haberle estoy demasiado agradecido
excesivamente agradecido
y nunca lo haré daño
Me encanta
él es mi corazón
mi alma
mi amor

A
Man
And
No
Dead
Are

My
Adversaries
Really
I­
Enter

Graves
Entirely
Your
Everlasting
R*eject

A beautiful night
Rain pouring down
Running
Laughing
With my love
Open land
Fun
Flowers
My beautiful place
Kindness
Love
I am loved
Happiness
Fairy tale
Nightmares gone
Dark but brightly
Loving
Spirit
Freedom
*can it be?

Why can't anyone stop and realize, by saying who's a troll and keeping this up and going, ya'll are becoming just what you say a "troll" is. My poem Why does this have to go on isn't just a pretty poem with a pretty name...... Seriously, everyone's acting like little kids. :/ :( and it gets old, even if you think your in the right, don't go acting like what you say others are, it's immature and hypocritical. :( :/