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Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
I find that things happen for a reason
don't know what the reason is
but it's there.....
though not always noticeable....
for those of you who know me
and even for those who don't
you may see I'm different
I know I am
not always in a good way
not always in a bad way
sometimes I'm just neutral
well, I'm 16
and I don't have many revenues
to let out my feelings
hellopoetry is really all I have
to let my pain out
to show my joy
which I'm not supposed to show
in too great of amounts
or else I'm yelled at.....
for those who thinks that is stupid
I agree with you
but it's what I'm supposed to do
or rather, not supposed to do.....
I'm an expressive person
I end up always showing my heart on my sleeve
which just hurts me more in the long run
but I can't seem to help it......
it just goes that way
with no plan
no forethought
it just happens
and to see me
no one knows what to expect
what to think......
what to feel about me
I'm not emotional
but I am empathetic
which just hurts me more
cuz like I said
my heart is on my sleeve
on display for anyone to see......
I love people for them
I just need someone that will love me back
anyone can say that "God loves" me
and I know that.....
I just want, no, NEED someone to love me on Earth
someone that will see me truthfully
and like what they see
I'm no girly-girl
I'm more rough than that
I'm more a tom-girl....
and proud to be so. :)
things going on right now, feel like a good time to post this.... I'm just me.... :/...... not sure who that is, never really was.....
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
Well, I'm still here
still breathing
still yearning
I can't stand it anymore
I want to scream
want to run
Idk where
Idk when
I just know I need to
that I need someone in my life
maybe he's here?
maybe he's gone?
well, I tried
I keep trying
I'm hard to see
I'm invisible
only when I'm good
but will I want to be bad?
just to be seen?
Idk....
and it's back to this
I can't always express myself freely
though people fear me
thinking that I'm terrible
but what cause do I give for them to fear me?
to hate me as they do?
I know I hate myself
because I'm not me.....
no.....
how can I be?
i still don't know me
I STILL DON'T KNOW ME!!!!!!!!
*so who am i?
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Everyone tells me I can't
They all put me down
Does anyone know how to make it stop
Can anyone help me get up
Am I to stay down, all alone
Wait, oh, I forgot
You don't know me
You couldn't care less
So why do I keep talking
I tried to get your help
You know I've been there for you
So why aren't you there for me
Why do you keep faking
I've always been right here
You know me when you need me
But now I'm in need
So now you don't know me
I'm just a stranger
Until I get through this and you need me
So, what the hell kinda game are you playing
I'm invisible
Now I'm here
I can't be wonderwoman and superman
Why can't you help me
I help you, don't I
Even though you'd never admit it
All you can do is lie
To my face and behind my back
You don't care
You never really have
So here's my last testament
**Noone cares anymore
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
I hear the whispers
Like claws scratching
All in my head
They hurt
What they say is painful
They challenge me
I turn towards them
I stand, head held high
I look into their eyes
They see what they're doing
So I say what I feel
I yell, "F* you!"
They need to leave me alone
They push
They want in my head
I try to scare them
I find I already did
I have nothing left
I just yell
"F*
off!"
I don't give them power
They'll never be in control of me
They are insane if they think they can
I try to keep myself like the wind
Hard to catch
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Just watched the ball drop....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Who's heard the sayings "Don't speak unless spoken to" or "kids are to be seen not heard"?
If we let kids speak, more knowledge would be known.
It's a shame that no one can see that but the young.
It's like the adults that go by those sayings forgot they were even kids.
Kids are a lot more perceptive than anyone would know.
It's just that kids aren't perceptive for the adults benefits, but are for their own benefit.
*just like others in the world
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
Each has meaning to one or all of us
personally
all i learned of these
i read as i grew
these fun loving rhymes
have some meaning or other
so i put these up
to bring out the childish side!!
:) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3 :) <3






Twinkle Twinkle Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little star,
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

When the blazing sun is gone,
When the nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light,
Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.

Then the traveller in the dark,
Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He could not see which way to go,
If you did not twinkle so.

In the dark blue sky you keep,
And often through my curtains peep,
For you never shut your eye,
Till the sun is in the sky.

As your bright and tiny spark,
Lights the traveller in the dark.
Though I know not what you are,
Twinkle, twinkle, little star.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
Up above the world so high,
Like a diamond in the sky.

Twinkle, twinkle, little star.
How I wonder what you are.
How I wonder what you are.

Jack be Nimble

Jack be Nimble
Jack, be nimble,
Jack, be quick,
Jack, jump over
The candlestick. Jack jumped high
Jack jumped low
Jack jumped over
and burned his toe.

Do You Know The Muffin Man

Do you know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man?
Do you know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane?
Yes, I know the Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man,
The Muffin Man.
Yes, I know the Muffin Man
Who lives in Drury Lane.

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Hush Little Baby

Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's going to buy you
a mockingbird.
And if that mockingbird won't sing,
Mama's going to buy you
a diamond ring.
And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's going to buy you
a looking glass.
And if that looking glass gets broke,
Mama's going to buy you a billy goat.
And if that billy goat won't pull,
Mama's going to buy you
a cart and bull.
And if that cart and bull turn over,
Mama's going to buy you
a dog named Rover.
And if that dog named Rover
won't bark,
Mama's going to buy you
a horse and cart.
And if that horse and cart fall down,
You'll still be the sweetest
little baby in town.

Little Miss Muffet

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Muffet away.
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you'll understand

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know)
I know that you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
“No one understands me. I don’t want any of these guys; they just won’t leave me alone!” I said to my best friend, Sarah Heart.
“Well, Μαρία, try not to look so nice!”
I am 17; long black hair, hazel eyes, and deep red lips, am about 5’8”, and have unusually pale skin. “I don’t ever look nice, and you know it! Besides, you’re the one who looks great, one of the best in Femenino.” Sarah is 16, long blond hair, blue eyes, pale pink lips, is about 5’, and has very tan skin. “They only like me because I am almost of age.” Here on Femenino, when a girl turns 18, she is ready to be wed. The guys are born with their wings patterns. When the girl decides to marry a certain person, she will mirror the design the guy has after they both say their vows.
“Μαρία, why do you always talk down about yourself?” Sarah said.
“I don’t know, but can we discuss this tomorrow? I’m tired.”
“Ok, but tomorrow we’ll talk about who you’re going to marry. You only have 1 week left to decide.”
“Ok, Sarah,” I yawned, “good night, sweet dreams.”
“Yeah, I’ll have sweet dreams, of the prince marrying me!” she said with a devilish grin. No one knew the prince’s real name, so we just called him ‘prince’.  We laughed at that, “but, good night, girl, we will definitely talk tomorrow.” I fell into a fitful sleep, plagued with the question of who I was to marry in 1 week.
Raven black hair, one eye brown, one eye black, tall, tan, and body like a warrior.” kiss me, Μαρία” he said, “Never leave me, please.”
“I won’t leave you, ever, I swear.”
I woke up, not knowing who the man was. ‘Well, all I know is, it’s time to make a new potion.’ “Ok, let’s see, a bit of baby’s breath, wild flower, lilac blossoms, and a pinch of rose petals. Ok, add them in boiling water, mmmmm that smells good.  Hmm, now, before the dream with him, what did I do with the potion? Oh, yeah, I dabbed it behind the ears, and everyone was happy to see me, even, surprisingly, the girls.”
“Maybe I shouldn’t try it, because some of the girls have never liked me, and I’m probably going to forget what I did, and wonder why they are happy to see me all day, I’m always forgetting things, that’s why I put all my spells in a book, after all.” I mumbled to myself. I went to write it down, calling it the ‘Like Me’ spell. Ok, I have the ‘Love’ potion, a few body, hair, and ****** changing spells, a ‘Find it’ spell, a spell to bind the heart to a specific person. Oh, cute, I still have the spell I made when I was seven, so my heart wouldn’t break if I found a guy, but I didn’t cast it because then I would be sad in the end if I never found the guy I had asked for.
‘Oh, boy, I’m going off to dreamland again. Sigh, will I ever find my kind of guy?’ Well, the only thing that could be worse is the prince picking for me, well, except that we were born on the same day, but at different times, he was born about an hour before me in a room next to me, and since he’s royalty, he chooses a wife before I choose a husband, and I will be mortified since I have to stand next to him, but I doubt anyone would want me as a wife because I’m, in my Aunt Feranium’s words, “an inexcusable excuse of an abomination, no one could possibly want to even be near me, much less marry me”. Well, Aunt Feranium, you’ll get to see if your right or not in 1 week.
Well, today I have to go meet up with some of the guys here, and get some ingredients for my potions and spells. I’m hoping at least one of the guys is ok with how I am and who I am. I guess I’ll meet with guys before I get my ingredients, so I can cheer myself up afterwards.
I met with three guys for the first half hour. Each and every one of them was wealthy and smug. All I could think was, ‘I can’t wait to get away from here and finish up talking to some other guys.’ One guy, named Damien was saying, “When we get married, you will love your life.” Another named Lucas said, “No, when WE get married you will be in the laps of luxury, far more than either of these two could ever give you, Μαρία.” The third guy, named Jordan said, “We all have wealth, so why don’t we let Μαρία choose for herself?”
They all turned to me and looked expectantly. I smiled politely and said, “Well, I have quite a few more people to talk with, so I must not say who of you fine,” and I almost choked on that, “gentlemen. I’m sorry to say, I must go now to meet the others. Good day.” I smiled, got up and left before they could argue/complain/persuade me to stay longer.
I went to meet one of my friends, who was being forced by his mother to court/marry me. I saw him and waved. “Hey, Alejandro, what’s up?”
He did a slight nod of his head, telling me his mom was nearby, eavesdropping on us. He said anyway, “Not much, but you look lovely today. How are you?”
I smiled, because he was not usually like this when his mom wasn’t around. “I am fine. You don’t look so bad yourself.” He blushed, which made me smile, since he only sees me as his one of his best friends, which is the same way I feel about him. I nodded to him, letting him know his mom can no longer hear us, or see us. ‘Goodness, I love being able to do spells with little effort. I just wonder where his mom thinks we went.’
“Thanks Μαρία. So who’d you have to deal with first?”
“Three rich guys.”
He rolled his eyes. “Let me guess. Full of themselves and saying who you were going to marry?”
“Yea, well, except the one, he actually asked ME who I’d marry. It was interesting, since no one would usually care what I thought.”
“What did one of them look like?”
“One, named Jordan, who asked my opinion, had short brown hair, tan skin, about 5’ 10”. A second, Damien, has medium ***** blonde hair, dark skin, about 6’. The third, Lucas, had sort of long blonde hair, sort of pale skin, about 5’9”. Why?”
“I think they are following you.” He pointed behind me, and when I turned to see, there they were, a few tables over.
I looked back to Alejandro, smiled, and called for a waiter. “Excuse me, could you send a note and a round of drinks to those three gentlemen over there?” I pointed to the three guys, and gave the waiter 50 coins, and a tip of 20 coins, which is our currency. He smiled and lightly bowed, for the most a waiter would usually get as tip was 5-10 coins.
“What is your note?”
I told him, “Chill out and have a fine day.” He nodded and did as I asked.
When the guys got their drinks, I told Alejandro to come on. We left them there, and made sure they didn’t follow. We got to the market district, because, in truth, Alejandro was the only other person I was to meet. We got there and I showed him a list of ingredients I needed. The list went as follows:
Dew Drops
Sunlight
Sun flowers
Fresh Baby Laughter
Freshly Fallen Snow
Tear of Love
Hair of a Beauty
Sob of a Broken Heart
A Child’s Doll
Petal of a Fully Bloomed Rose
Lilac
Babies Breathe
Final Breath of the Dying
Rose Thorns

He whistled low at how much I needed.  I smiled; because that was the least I needed in quite a few months. We went about getting my stuff and just hung out, until we came upon Sarah, who knew me and Alejandro did not like each other, but teased us saying we did all the same.
She smiled and said, “Hey lovebirds. What goes on? Oh, are you guys finally realizing you’re meant for each other and going to marry each other?”
We said in unison, “No! We are not.” Alejandro scowled while I laughed.
“Sure sounds like you’re meant for each other to me!” Sarah laughed while Alejandro’s scowl grew longer.
I said, “Sarah stop teasing, poor Alejandro couldn’t possibly take all the scowling.” ‘And the heart break, since he’s in love with you Sarah, you just never see. I’m about to tell you straight up.’ I looked over at Alejandro and smiled, since he didn’t tell me, he didn’t know I knew, even though it was written plainly on his face, he thought he was discreet.
He looked down at his feet, letting the hurt pass over his face for a brief second. “I need to get the rest of my ingredients from my list. Okay, let’s see, just a few rose thorns is all I need to get.” We went to go get them. And there, a few feet away, were the three guys again. I pointed them out to Alejandro, and he rolled his eyes. I walked straight up to them.
They acted surprise to see me, I said, “Why are you following me?”
They were all flustered, but Jordan said, “We weren’t following you!”
“Oh, really, you three, follow me, Alejandro, Sarah, you can come to.” We went into an alley way and I continued, “So you three just happened to be at the same café only a few tables away, and then be just a few feet away from me?” They nodded in unison, and I got raged. I used a spell and had them pinned against the wall behind them and asked angrily, “Who are you working for?”
They looked fearful, and Lucas said stammering, “You ought to stop, ‘cause there are witnesses.”
I looked at him, “They are the only thing keeping me in check, you idiot, now, answer my questions, why were you following me and who are you working for?”
They looked at each other, then at me, and swallowed loudly and hard. Damien said, “Sheesh, when we saw you, we thought you’d be no problem to us, but dang! We might as well tell her since she got us, and ‘cause I don’t know her limits.”
They all nodded their heads, before looking frighteningly at me. Damien continued, “We are guards, some of the finest, and I now see we are some of the most arrogant.” I rolled my eyes.
“Why were you following me?”
“We were told to act as the people that we were told to be. It seems your something of interest.”
I glared at them, “You’re lying.” They were wide eyed with fright.
“No! That’s all that we were told!”
“You two might, but he was told more, and he’s not telling.” I glared at him and came close to his face. I looked in his eyes and asked as calmly as I could, “What are you hiding?”
He would not answer, so I let them go, and said, “Don’t follow me anymore! Just leave me alone.”
They stayed in place, frozen with fear, but Jordan piped up, “Wow, with your strength in spells, Μαρία, would you ever consider joining the guard? We really need you and your strength.”
I glared at them and said, “Go!”
They ran, still not sure of my limits when I was mad. My friends burst out in laughter after the guards were well out of ear shot. They said in halting gasps, “I can’t believe you bluffed them while you were mad!”
I smiled, knowing I wasn’t someone that could harm anyone. When I get angry at someone, I always try to bluff them, I guess I’ve either gotten better, or they were not good at telling my bluff. “Well at least we learned something out of this whole episode. Now, let’s get my ingredients and get back to my house, I had a dream about a new spell last night.” I felt a pair of eyes on me, but when I looked, there was nothing there. I shrugged and thought, ‘I must be getting paranoid.’
When we got back to my house, they helped me put my ingredients away, and I showed them my new ‘Like Me’ spell. “I don’t know how long it lasts, so I won’t let it be used on either of you.” I felt the eyes on my back, I turned and saw nothing. “Do either of you two feel like someone’s watching us?”
They shook their heads no, Alejandro said, “Maybe you should do a spell for protection over yourself for whoever’s watching you.”
I nodded, and found one that was simple to do but difficult to break through and lasted a long time. I cast it over my friends as well, who smiled when they felt the spell cover them as well. Sarah said, “Ok, now, Alejandro, shoo, me and Μαρία have a few things to talk about.” She grinned wickedly, and so he left.
He said, “Bye.” And got out as quick as he could.
I looked at her, “Now why’d you do that for? He doesn’t even count as a marriage choice; it’d be too much like marrying a brother.”
She shrugged, “Does it matter? This is girl talk, now spill who you like.” She looked at me expectantly.
“I really don’t know, I’ll just go with my gut when the time comes, okay?”
She sighed dramatically, “Fine!”
I laughed, “You know, it’s not your time to pick, you have a few years, and more than a few admirers.”
She flipped her hair and laughed lightly, “I can’t help if guys like me, Μαρία!”She shrugged, "That's my image, Μαρία, I have to keep up with it, or I'll be ruined!" I laughed.
"You can be so dramatic. You know that?"
"Yea, and now I know you can be to. ‘They are the only thing keeping me in check, you idiot', nice one, especially with the idiot, it added to your tone."
I looked at the floor sheepishly. "It just came to mind, and I went with it. Was I that convincing to you?"
"Are you kidding, I thought you would of killed 'em on the spot! Your bluff is way better Μαρία."
I smiled, "Thanks Sarah."
We went about our own thoughts for an hour, until it was time for Sarah to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow Μαρία."
"Okay, see ya." I flicked my wings out, mostly because I still felt like someone was watching me. I thought about my wings, and how soon I'll have a design. I remembered a type of fairy that used to exist long ago. They were called the florescent fairies. Unfortunately they died off. They all had wing patterns of their own. Even the females had their own patterns that they kept after marriage. Their wings were always so big and elaborate.
I felt my wings tingling, so I went to my front door. There on my doorstep was the guard that I knew as Jordan. He was in his uniform. I said, “What do you want, Jordan, if that is really your name?”
He cleared his throat. He was afraid, but put up a brave front and said, “I came for you were summoned by the head of the royal guard.”
I rolled my eyes, “And why would I be summoned this late at night?”
His bravado was fading when he said, “Because the head of the royal guard wants to see you now.”
“Why?”
His bravado was completely gone now and he was shaking in his boots, “He just wants you to come.”
I rolled my eyes again, turned out the lights, and locked my house up. “Lets’ get this done and over with. I do need to sleep like others’, you know.” Then I felt magic welling up around me. I found them easily with my magic, and brought them out in front of me. I threw them all into a pile in front of me. “Tell me three good reasons I shouldn’t put you all in a magic hold that would leave you motionless for the rest of the night.”
They were all struggling, and I was holding Jordan with a glare. “I am tired, and would not regret it. And you all need to learn to hide your magic. That’s how I knew where you were.”
They all tried to plead for me to let them go, but with a wave of my hand, they fell silent. Jordan said stammering, “They were only supposed to be back-up in case you wouldn’t come.”
I waved my pointer finger side to side, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, not nice to play tricks with me.” I used my magic to send the pile of guards back to the palace, while I looked at Jordan and said, “I told you to leave me alone.” I flicked my hand at him, and he went flying back to the palace. I went back into my house, went to my room, and after taking a hot shower, went to bed.
The next morning, I got up and ready for the day. I was about to leave my home when my wings tingled. Someone was at the door. I looked through a peep hole and saw my friends, Sarah and Alejandro. I opened the door, and they came in talking at me. I couldn’t understand what they were saying, so I said, “Slow down, now what?”
They started laughing. Sarah said, “Apparently, you gave all the guard’s a scare. What did you do?”
I looked at them, confused for a second, and then I remembered, and told them the events of last night. They laughed, so I said, “What? I was extremely tired, I wasn’t taking their crap.” That just made them laugh harder.
Alejandro said, “Remind me not to get on your bad side, Μαρία.” He chuckled and said, “Can you teach me some of your **** kicking moves?”
I grinned devilishly and made to look like I was going to use it on him and said “Sure,” and mocked what I did with the guards without using my magic. We all laughed. There was a knock on the door. I rolled my eyes and yelled, “Who is it?”
Whoever it was just knocked again. I went to the door and looked through the peep hole. There was no one there. I motioned my friends back, away, and I used a searching spell. I calmly looked all around my house, then finally smiled. I opened my door fast and
Comments appreciated/wanted!!
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Where do you go
Where do you hide
Is your love to much
Is mine not enough
That you run
What do you fear
Can I help you
I see those tears
Are you just shy
I'm always here for you
Let me wipe your tears away
Let me hold you close
Can you love me
I'm already in love with you
Please don't cry
Let me be with you
I don't want to make you sad
Do you love me
I'm down on my knees
I may be one person
But I can be everything for you
Please just let me be that
Please be mine
I love you
Here's my heart
It beats for you
I may be a girl
But I want you to be my man
I have a very romantic heart and mind, but noone ever really appreciates this, and so, I have no experience in what I write, I really would appreciate feedback on my writings.
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Poems are art
                 Science
                       Things

Poems are life
                 History
                     Classes

Poems are English
                            Latin
                             Cultural

Poems are what they are
                                   Alliteration
                                              Spanish

Poems are metaphors
                                  Similes
                                       Literary devices

Poems are rhyme
                           Rhythm
                                Songs

Poems are meaning
                             Boldness
                                    Thought

Poems are classified
                             Outgoing
                                    Stressed

Poems are choice
                            Topic
                                Emotion

Poems are love
                         Hate
                              Sad

Poems are wanted
                            Needed
                                 Treasured

Poems are clear
                      Undiscribed
                               Everywhere

Poems are near
                          Far
                             Home

Poems are poems
                           Stories
                                Writings

Poems are literature
                           Memorable
                                             Safe
I wrote this for an english assignment in 9th grade.....
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Why didn't I stay
Why did I leave you there
Why am I such a fool

Why, why, why
why am I this way
Why, why, why

Who will love me
Who will stay by my side
Who will be there when I need them most

Who, who, who
Who am I
Who, who, who

What is it that I'm looking for
What is it I see in the world
What can I do

What, what, what
What do you want from me
What, what, what

Tell me what you need
Tell me what you want
Tell me what you see

Tell me, tell me, tell me
Tell me who I should be
Tell me, tell me, tell me

Where do I need to go
Where did I lose you
Where can I find your love

Where, where, where
Where can I find you
Where, where, where

I find these questions
I can't answer them
Does anyone hear me
Can anybody help me
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I am thinking randomely
I have no clue what to write
So here's my thoughts

I love reading
I love writing
I get bored at school

My best friend is beside me
She is AWESOME!!!!
I love my friends

I am not a socialite
I like to talk a lot
I feel loved

I hug a lot of people
I love my family
I hate homework

I guess this is different
I should just call it a poem about me
I like poems and stories

I am almost out of ideas
I am getting tired
I would bow but noone would see it

Well, except for my friend
I curtsie to the world
I thank you for reading

This is my random poem
This is me
I am different in a lot of ways
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
So ripped off so stepped on
You're not the only one
Refusing to back down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so filthy
So ***** so ****** up
If you feel so walked on
So painful so *******
You're not the only one
Refusing to go down
You're not the only one
So get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot

If you feel so empty
So used up, so let down
If you feel so angry
Just get up

Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Let's start a riot, a riot
Let's start a riot
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
what can i feel
but the beating of my own heart
the acheing of my own flesh
the damnation of my own soul and mind
that i go through this pain
this torture
and i can only call it this
life
the memories and tortures i share
the moment i bleed
for the blood drains away
through the deep wounds
the ones i have
my heart is heavy
there's a hand there
squeezing harder and harder
i feel it but am powerless to stop it
tighter, tighter
but the beat doesn't slow
it's torture
agony
the pain i face
i need to lash out
need to cry
want to feel safe
but nowhere is safe
not anymore
i need to run
i can't stay
i don't want to
but i'm forced to
i have to
have to stay in this place
where i'm ******
where i'm condemned
why can't i die
as i write i see this
i'm shaking now
not afraid
but *******
i am helpless
i keep losing the battle
i have two wars
one outside
and one inside
both tearing me apart
limb by limb
part by part
piece by piece
'tll there's nothing left
i feel sick
lost
i contemplate my demise
would anyone miss me
i don't know
maybe
those who don't fully know mw
just one thing stoping me
i hate pain
if only i could ask someone
to come **** me quickly
if they'd do it
i'd be ok
knowing
i didn't wouldn't
deal with this
****** up
world anymore
please!!!
anyone???
i'm begging anyone too
to please help
and put me out of my misery
i want out...
no, wait... not want...
no...NEED out...
i'm so cold
i'm alone
completely
utterly
alone...
and i don't know what to do
i want/need to cry,
to let the pain out,
but they won't come
i need to scream
but i can't
i'm not allowed to
i'm just supposed to listen
to be the perfect little slave
to be bossed about
and to do everything perfectly
i'm tired now
hopefully i can fall asleep
and never wake up
so i say good bye
and maybe we'll meet again
someday
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
It's 1:53am
Can't sleep
Gotta go to school in a few hrs
My mind is everywhere
Here are a few things about me

My fav color is black
I hate grits
I am a romantic at heart
My life *****
No one really knows me
I'm tired of the awful people in life
I hate pain
I stand up for those that can't defend
I hate hate hate hate mean/rude/annoying people

Now I want to sleep but my mind won't shut up!!!!!!!!!!!
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
Okay, lets see
life ***** (but we all know that)
people laugh harshly (we've all done this once)
young can't think for themselves (heard this before?)
kids know it all (remember?)
good people die young (it always *****)
and we all go through life (are we puppets?)
the meek get ****** around (and everyone else never really cares)
everyone laughs at anothers pain (and it hurts when it's you)
life is full of BS (and we take it gladly)
And we continue with the stupid s* of life
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
I dont have a clue
I dont know what to do
with you
I've never been able to try
Never had the cahnce
so take it slow
with me, please?
I cant go on and let you
do that to me
because I've told this several times
Here's one more
My confession
im a ******
please dont laugh
at my uncertainty
you see me blushing
Im just shy right now
you think Im joking?
this isnt a game to me
if it is to you
then leave
because Im waiting
to give myself up
Im not letting you have me
just because you think Im pretty
just because you like me
just because your nice to me
Im waiting
if you dont want to
then fine
but you can leave
because my mind is made up
and Im letting this be known
so goodbye
this is my confession
*im a ******
this is just going through my mind, and it is my confession.....
Livingdeadgirl Jun 2015
If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
have you ever felt down
like you couldn't get back up
do you know someone like this
I do, I am like this
I've felt down, I never got back up
all I can say is **** this ****
they told me to get a grip, so I did
I got a solid grip on a handle
you see? the handle's end has a glint in the light
ain't it beautiful? I swear my grip's firm
people seein' me are screamin' and runnin'
I don't see why, I'm just smilin'
true, I may seem creepy to 'em
but I'm just bein' me, hatin' the world
this world ******* up, 'cause I'm here
they really ****** up an' now they're scared
they don't realize what they've unleashed
an' now they're gonna pay for their stupidity
I hold this gleamin' beauty in my hand
I raise it to my eye level in a deft motion
I bring it down, swiftly, and I sigh in relief
It's finally over, an' I'm just done
I made it, the final rap song
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
there are times in life when you just need to talk just wanna scream just gonna **** but that pain anger fury is reigned in whether you want to do it or not I find it funny how people will try to say that those who show their emotions through poetry are weak but they don't see it those who show their pain in writing they are not weak they are strong because they show it in the most true form the form that lasts forever the written word because the written word others will see and interpret in their own way there are many ways to see things whether those things are hidden in plain sight or being shown to the world intentionally another thing intentionally shown my words my emotions though if you look and look again you may find something that was hidden the first time around idk how to explain it but some are hidden to those who do not seek my pain my life my suffering and here i go about me when it is to be admitted we all hide something of ourselves but who but me would want to admit it who knows maybe one day noone will hide who they are heaven and hell knows i hide almost every day of my life i have demons in my soul

DEMONS

how ****** up is this chick
why the hell are we here
we're supposed to always be with her apparently
why should we, she's already ****** up enough on her own
i know that and you know that
she probably does too
'i walk in on them'
(yes, i know i am, i here you all the time you know)
'they stop and stare at me'
so....
ummmm....
'i sigh'
(you guys can go...)
'they look at each other'
oh...
uhh...
'i turn and find a dark corner to myself and they dont follow'
'they walk away and i bring my knee's to my chest'
'i bend my head down and cry silently'
(i'm alone now... though when haven't i been)


idk what to do anymore there's pain inside me
though there are other's in my life that i don't want to leave
because when i go from all i'm not coming back
there's always been pain inside me
for a while there was voices
but they deserted me
i guess i'm to crazy even for the voices
i wonder if they're like me
never coming back
'cuase they already left
what is left
pain
suffering
hurt
loss
always loss
oh well
i say farewell
*BOWS
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2015
The heart of the Nobody
I'm going to **** her
she's pushing me past that point
she's gonna die
I tighten the muscles in my arms
******
Ha!
it'll be welcoming
when I put the knife to her
she will know th epain she inflicts
she's gonna die
by my hand
She is evil
she is the wicked stepmother
but one problem
the brothers Grimm
they didn't show all
of her evilness
or her ugliness of deep in her
******
Maybe then I won't be
deppressed anymore
I want to drop the mask
I'm always wearing it
I want to die
can i?
I've tried before....
I've tried over 400 times
nothing ever worked....
I just feel pain now
I hate pain
but I've been through alot of it
so I write
and write
and write
until there's nothing left
nothing
that's what I am
nothing
I have only one person
and he is far from my reach
sometimes I wonder what it'd be like
to not have my past
to not have my curses
the curses I must bear
but then I wouldn't have met him
he knows who he is
but it's his choice
if he wants to be associated with me
the deeply troubled, possibly to likely psychotic teen
but I say this
we are knights
our armor is battered
we are bruised
I'm no damsel
and you're not a shiny knight
and I love you for that
because if we were
then we'd be flimsy
we'd be false
you know who you are
and I'll shout it
through a megaphone
on the tallest building
I LOVE YOU!!!

El corazón de la Nadie
Voy a matarla
ella me está empujando a ese punto
ella va a morir
Aprieto los músculos de los brazos
asesinato
¡Ja!
que va a ser bienvenida
cuando puse el cuchillo en la
ella sabrá ª Epain ella inflige
ella va a morir
por mi mano
Ella es el mal
ella es la malvada madrastra
pero un problema
los hermanos Grimm
no mostraron todo
de su maldad
o su fealdad del fondo de su
asesinato
Tal vez entonces no voy a ser
deppressed más
Quiero dejar caer la máscara
Yo siempre estoy usando
Quiero morir
puedo?
He intentado antes ....
He intentado más de 400 veces
nada nunca trabajó ....
Siento dolor ahora
Odio el dolor
pero yo he pasado por un montón de ella
así escribo
y escribe
y escribe
hasta que no queda nada
nada
Esto es lo que soy
nada
Tengo una sola persona
y él está lejos de mi alcance
A veces me pregunto qué sería como
para no tener mi pasado
para no tener mis maldiciones
las maldiciones debo soportar
pero entonces yo no lo he encontrado
él sabe quién es
pero es su elección
si quiere asociarse conmigo
la profundamente preocupado, posiblemente a propensos adolescente psicótico
pero lo digo
somos caballeros
nuestra armadura es maltratadas
estamos magullados
No soy doncella
y no eres un caballero brillante
y Te quiero para eso
porque si estábamos
entonces estaríamos endeble
estaríamos falsa
Tu sabes quien eres
y voy a gritar que
a través de un megáfono
en el edificio más alto
TE AMO !!!
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I am the kind that will listen to you, no matter what
If ur upset and need to lighten up, I will throw veggies at you, or tell you the dirtiest joke I know (some of which should not be said on here)
I will look like an absolute fool(even though that's what I do any way) to make you seem sane and cool in front of someone you like
I stick up for my friends, and I stay by their side, through thick and thin.
Livingdeadgirl Jun 2014
I'm gonna cry
He did it again
He came in my dreams
He took my love
I tried to hold on
He left
He was as touchable as smoke
I want to be loved
He said he would stay
I guess it was easier for him to lie
I don't know much truth from him
I laid my heart in-front of him
I cried until the streams over flowed
I just want him
I need him
He is everything to me
Yet he's a dream
A beautifully dreadful dream
One I don't want to wake from
He always seems so cool
So collected
But my heart is slowly breaking
I lift my hand
I feel the torrents of pain
Their flowing down my cheeks
I reach my hand out
I want to whisper his name
But this is all I know
On my last breath I whisper
*The mysterious dream man
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2014
He came into my life
I held him near
He had his hands on my heart
But I couldn't see
I was blinded
He is the silent thief
He made me laugh
He made me smile
I trusted him
He came into my heart
He is the silent thief
He planned it all
He mapped it out
I love him dearly
He is the silent thief
He took my heart
He left me
I know not his name
He was and will always be
The Silent Thief
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2014
I am 16
I am not loved
I try to love everyone
noone cares
I see through unblinking eyes
My mortal eyes are blind
deep down, I am no mortal
this is just a layer soon to be shed
one day, I might be loved
when I live forever
when I shed this layer for my beautiful self
maybe then I will be loved
loved as I love others
maybe then I'll find the guy I've longed for
when I'm immortal
I'll be everything I want to be
I'll walk
I'll truly see
I'll speak
maybe I'll finnally be loved
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2014
I am just a girl
I stay in the shadows
I keep my head down
noone wants me
noone knows I exsist
I go through my classes
usually I'm at the library
noone sees me
noone cares if I'm there
I sit in a corner and read
I read all the time
I don't want to go home
noone wants me there
I keep what I need hidden
noone notices what I do
I'm very keen
I've never been acknowledged
a stranger appears in front of me
he is looking at me
noone has ever looked at me
in a deep tone he said "Hi"
I smile, then he smiles
in a light tone I speak
"Hello, may I help you?"
it came out in a bit of a stammer
he shook his head no
he sat down anyway
we talked, and I tried to shake his hand
but he was a ghost
I smiled anyway
we talked for a long time after
Livingdeadgirl Oct 2014
I watch them
They stare at me
I don't want to listen
I don't know why
I just don't care
I couldn't care LESS
I want to be loved
I want to know me
I want to run
I want to scream
I grew up in a rough life
I just sit back and take the pain
I put my head phones in
I blare them and listen to my music
I relax and go numb
I smile at them as they hurt me
They don't know
I laugh at their uncertainty of me
I stare back at them
I watch as they back away
I keep listening to my music
I finally walk away

No one will ever trully know me, because everyone is too afraid to, so even though you read my words, don't think this is the whole of me.... I've just started writing and letting go what and who I am....... So if you think you know me, try again.... *I don't even know me....
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Ok, let me see, where to start? Ah ha!

Fav color-black
Fav flower-tiger lily
Fav season- spring
Fav activity-anything creative
Fav book-all books tht I've read
Hair-brown, medium length
Eyes-hazel (blue when really happy)
Height-5' 7"
Skin-lightly tan

Dislikes-rude/mean people
                extremely cold weather
                 baked beans
                 grits
Fav music-country(but I like all genres)
Fav song-undecided
Likes-sincereness
           animals
Fav animal-snake

*I don't know what else to put about me, oh well
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Wearing an oversized guys t-shirt
Putting my glasses down because they're hurting my nose
Laying on my bed, relaxed, content for now
Keeping my mind busy until I can go get a shower after my lil brothers get theirs
Bored
Don't know what to do
*oh well
Livingdeadgirl Dec 2014
It's all a ****** up game
The life we play off as real
We condemn those who are different for the sole fact that they are different
And some are proud to be that way
We don't always understand what we're doing to others
Sometimes we do and love doing it
Especially to ourselves
Why do we do this?
Is it some twisted mind game that we have to learn?
Or are we making it up as we go?
All I know is
**** IT
*i want out
Livingdeadgirl Mar 2015
I am....
trapped...
inside my mind
I dont know what it is
there is beauty in front of me
I see it
I reach my hand out....
but stop.....
I look at my scarred and marred hand
I think of all i have done
the fighting
the torment that I put myself through
I know I do it
but I cant seem to stop it
but I stop myself now
how can I ever hold anything beautiful
because I know what that beauty is....
it's love....
but I'm too scarred
I seem to scare everyone away
because they see the scary part of me.....
I dont mean to show it
it just comes out
though I want to hide that part of me
that beastly part that hurts
I try to keep people close
that I want to protect.....
if they'd let me protect them
I've had to stand strong
and I do....
when I can....
but I break down, I just wait for noone to be around to see....
I hide but then I come back and stand strong once again
even if I just want to break down again...
I dont know what's left
so I ask
what's next?
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Had to write an essay
I hate AP English
Why do they do this to us high schoolers?
It's so annoying
I had to compare two novels
The Road by Cormac McCarthy
And The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck
They are pretty cool
Though The Grapes of Wrath is so arduous!
Though it depicts the time period well
And I liked The Road
Though there a lot of things I wish wouldn't have happened. :(
DANG IT!!!!!!
The compare and contrast are stuck in my head now!!!!!!!
Ugh......
I'm going to be sooooooooooooooo bored!
All cuz I still hate AP English
Doesn't matter how cool the writings are..........
Idk what I should do anymore.........
Oh well,
If you haven't read them
READ THEM!!!!!!!
Then go read 1984. :)
HAHAHA!!!!
Oh wow........ Still hate AP English
But that's just me
Livingdeadgirl May 2015
where is the innocence of old
that beauty which lies in the deeper waters
what happened to the young maidens and hero's
whom we all seem to want and/or admire

they've gone, they've gone
to a world beyond our greed and terror
they've gone, they've gone
leaving behind our horror

where is the knight to save the day
the one that most girls dream of late at night
what happened to the hero's we need
the one's whom we need everyday

they've gone, they've gone
to a world beyond our greed and terror
they've gone, they've gone
leaving behind our horror

though young at heart and age i'm a seasoned fighter
with my love and partner by my side
we've gone through much while seperate
and there's much to go, side by side

we will go, we will go
taking with us our love
we've gone, we've gone
to our world we created with light

the warriors we left after combat
they've gone, they've gone
and i say good bye because
we've gone, we've gone

*and our life is just beginning
dedicated to someone special in my life... my special knight. <3
Livingdeadgirl Oct 2014
You looked at me
I felt good because of you
Now you left and dropped me
Why did you leave?
Did you stop and think about me?
Did you think how I'd feel?
Don't you know how much you mean to me?
Do you still see me?
Like the first time?
You left, just like I said that everyone does.
So keep walking
I'll wallow in my pain
Then I'll finnally get up
But I'm turning and leaving
The spot you led me to
I gave up me
All for you
Good Bye
*forever
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I'm 5'7"
Medium length brown hair
I let my bangs grow to where their half way down my chest (I use them to hide a lot)
Age 17
Birthday April 15(yeah I'll have fun with taxes. :P)
My toe nails are ALWAYS painted black, and keep changing the color of my finger nails (I bite them too short to care anyway)
I'm proud to say I have a wide chest/wide shoulders (I won't say bra size, just cause guys will be able to read this. :/)
I jam out to whatever music I'm listening to
Don't give a **** what people think of me
(just want to be loved truly, cause that's what I have and always will do)
I'm over 200lbs (which is mostly muscle from wrestling with my cousins. :) )
I have fun in more physical activities (ps Apparently, most guys don't like a girl that challenges them to an arm wrestling match. The guys didn't take up my challenge :P)
I'm different compared to most girls that I've come to know
Also, a lot of girls became afraid of me(some girls that hated me for some reason or other threw rocks at my head. I thought they had been throwing paper, I became sheepish at the moment I realized that they WERE rocks and I'm still literally hard headed to this day. I can't feel when anything hits my head :P :/)
That's enough for now. :/
Livingdeadgirl May 2014
What is Love
People use the word
They don't know
It is so strong
They throw it around
They're careless
What's the meaning
Is it something you can touch
Is it good
Is it bad
Can I feel it
I know I sing about it
I listen about it
I want to know it
People seem pleased
I feel left out
Where can I find it
Who can show me
Will I like it
Can I see it
Does it hurt
What is it
What is Love
I want to know
I need help to find it
Who can help me
Will anyone help me find it
Is it in trust
Is it in the mind
Is it in the heart
Is it on this planet
Has anyone found it
What is Love
Livingdeadgirl Oct 2014
I tried to be strong
To love like I know I can
I don't know where to turn to anymore
I'm alone
I have a metallic taste in my mouth
I smile ruefully
I try to stay angry
It's better than the pain since no one cares
You left again
I guess I'm a prophet
'Cause remember when I said you would
I apparently knew you more than you wanted to admit
I have to laugh
It's dry though
You watch me, while I'm sitting there
I'm watching you
I came to a point crucial to me
I found I can't trust any one
Because everyone lies and then leaves
You may read my words one day
But you'll never understand my pain
Not until you've walked in my shoes
Been in my place
No one will know my pain
Because I'm that kid in the background
I'm nice and don't really act out
I do my work, and love to read
I'm not good with people, so I put my work online
The screen is my sanctuary
No one sees me
So no one knows who I truly am
I have to wonder
"Who am I?"
I don't know
"Where am I?"
Does anyone really care?
I'm a myth
I'm a dream
I'm just a memory
And I leave a greater impact on everyone
Especially when I leave
I don't know why
I don't know how
I just know I'm here
But I don't know where
I help when I can
I'm a 16 year old
Yet I can't act my age
Since I was 3, I was 30
And I still grow, yet I need to slow down
I'm 5'8" and I know I can't go back
I blame my dad for my height since I'm taller than my mom
I had to grow up an adult
All because when my mom was my age
She met my dad, 26 at the time
I grew up hating him, and trying to get out of my life
I tried suicide, and found out I'm very hard to ****
I tried over 300 times, I just gave up
Someone has a hold on my life
And it's all a joke for their amusement
YOU WANT A LOOK IN MY LIFE????? THEN COME ON!!!!!!!
*just leave me alone when you're done.....
Livingdeadgirl Feb 2015
well idk
but heres my best try
im not certain of myself
im shy
some say i have a certain....
masculinity about me....
idk what they mean
but i do know i can hurt others
physically to easily....
i try not to though
i dont like pain
dont like to give it
cuz i know how it feels
to recieve pain from those you thought you knew
but do we ever truly know someone
i know i get off track
but that's just me, i guess
i still dont fully know myself
but i also dont know anyone that does
if you do
then good for you
and could you help me
to know myself....
idk who i am
what i am
where im at
or anything really about myself
i know a bit of what im told i am
that im weird
im a ******
im different
im nothing
im nobody
and you know what
most of this came from females. :/
oh well
their loss
cuz sooner or later
ill be gone
maybe not today
maybe not tomorrow
but theyll be sorry for how they treated me
maybe
idk
i guess thats my answer for most things
IDK
it makes me want to laugh
if you got in my head
would you scream?
would you run?

hmmmmmmm
*Who I am........no.......Who am I?
Livingdeadgirl Nov 2014
the way you goad me
the way you make me ******
the way you do things to me
how you think I'm worthless
you've told me it time and time again
why do you do this
who the hell do you think you are
the way you watch me
the way you're possessive of me
the way you make me feel
you kiss me and caress me
like I'm the only one to you
you make me feel like I'm flying
then you turn on me
you glare and yell at me
for nothing, because all I hear is yelling
you hit me and beat me
until you are satisfied
that I'm down enough
I'm crying now, because of you
I'm turning from you
turning away from your barking laugh
the one that was so comforting not long ago
so now that you're here, I have to ask
who the hell do you think you are
I could have swore you loved me
all the time you held me
all the time we spent
just holding each other
who the hell do you think you are
*I miss the best of us, where did you go
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
Who will love me
who will stay by my side
who will be there when I need them most

Sometimes I want to scream
"leave me, everyone does" I'd say
"stop toying with my life"

Sometimes I wonder
'I love unconditionally
what if I never loved at all'

If I had no heart
there'd be no ache
but there'd be a lost and angry soul

Life is misery
love is pain
but my life is a huge joke

I used to believe in many things
like love and mythical fairytales
but that did not last

I grew up looking for good
I knew since I was little
life is not sugar plums and gum drops

I knew the world was made of evil
I saw it all
before I even started middle school

I try to dry the tears
I try to bottle up the pain
but it just wears on me

I could hide my heart
It always beat so sorrowfully
it was always so steady

May you see life
may it be enlightening
may you learn from what you see

I learned to be true to myself
I learned to deal with some pain
I learned life is cruel

Love is a sensitive thing
love can hurt
but love can also feel good

When you find true love
you'll want to dance and sing
just be careful where you step

Things aren't always what they seem
they might look nice
don't base life on looks

I saw life
I saw death
doesn't mean I know them truly
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
If you know me, then sorry for you
If you think you know me, I don't know
If you don't know me, then good for you
I'm more a ****** and less calm
I guess calms leaving, cause its fed up with me
I have to laugh, because of how I'm seen
It's normal for me to be weird
And ******* scary as hell for me to be calm
No one really will ever know me
I've been picked on and bullied since I was little
Well, I never did anything to them
I just shrugged it off
Well, one girl had the nerve to wish for a dog, harmless as ever(just wanting to be pet), to get run over.......
This was about four years ago, and she still has the ring around her neck from my hands...... >:)
No one really wanted to mess with me in that school (I've went to several schools during each school year)
You know, I try to stand up for those who can't, and I really don't mind
But I don't really stand up for myself....... If I did, I'm afraid there'd be blood on my hands....... And there'd get what they said they'd do to me.......
I would be dead several times over by now if they were acted upon(the threats)
I have to laugh, because they were afraid of me until they realized, when it comes to me being hurt or threatened, I'm docile............
A whole other story when others are involved that can't stick up for themselves...........lets just say, I only fought the one girl, and the others were too afraid to fight me...........
Livingdeadgirl Apr 2014
We all are different
But why is something better
Why is it we get picked on
Why can't anyone just accept

I close my eyes
I plug my ears
I hide my tears
I cry silently, no one can hear

No one sees
No one listens
Everyone talks
Why does it happen to me

I hung out with the guys
The girls didn't like me
I am but a female
I don't understand what I supposedly did wrong

I'd run and hide
I cried violently
I distanced myself from girls
The guys were my refuge

I grew up rough
I mostly acted like a guy
I know what could happen
I know I'm physically strong

I wear some old shoes
I wear old blue jeans
I put on a guy's T-shirt
I do this cause it's comfortable

I try to smile
I'm nice, I can't stay mad for long
If I do, I feel ill
So I just stay sad

I hide in the library
I fold into myself
I don't want to feel anymore
I can taste the salty sadness and pain flowing down my cheeks

I feel the heavy load on my heart
I still don't understand
I try to be myself
Maybe that's the problem to people

I've thrown my glasses in frustration
I've tried to deal with it alone
I've never known how to make it stop
I wonder if someone has a stop button

Maybe if I just ignore them
Maybe I shouldn't stay here
I want to leave
Is there anywhere that's safe

I've tried talking to adults,
but there is always someone new I have to talk to
I just want it to end
Maybe I should just stay with the guys
I won't talk to the girls anymore

I'll talk to my friends
maybe they could help
but maybe they can't
I don't know

I'm just so tired
I'm too sad
I don't care
I don't have enough energy to care

If talking won't help
I'll just keep writing
Maybe one day I'll get rid of the salty sadness and pain
Maybe I'll get the energy back
I first put this up on a site called teenink... hope someone can get their own meaning and feeling from it....
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
You know people keep goin on
All about on person or other
How their trolls
When here we are
Being ******* and *******
Why in the hell is this going on
Why can't someone stand up
Well if no one else will
Then here I am
Enough of the *******
It's spreading like wildfire
And becoming deeper
Way beyond Hell's domain
I'm sorry if I was mean to anyone on here since I've been on
This **** is ******* me off
How about it
Who's ready to give up
Because as long as we believe that certain people are trolls
We are all trolls for how we come about it
So, all you gotta do is take the first step
STOP BEING MEAN!!!!!!!!
*that goes for everyone
Livingdeadgirl Dec 2014
Here we go again
I told you what you needed to know about me
I told you and no one's LISTENING
Who do I have to get to say this?
The pope? The bishop? The priest?
Or even God himself?
Haven't you gotten it through your thick skull?!?
I don't give a ****,
And you know why?
because I have no one in my life
So there, now are you happy?!?
I finally told you, oh wait
I should say I told you again
*why do you torture me with the thought of a love that won't come true for me.
I don't have a guy, I never have. I guess mostly because I play like the guys.... and I'm rougher than the guys my age in my gym classes.... But I still want to love like any body else in this world, I guess guy's always pass me by....

If you can leave a comment, it would be greatly appreciated, I need/ want to know if I can improve my poetry at all.
Livingdeadgirl Jan 2015
I wonder what it'd be like
To fly high
And never come down
Would I be missed?
Probably not
Would I be loved?
Probably not
Would I be forgotten?
Probably
Would I be me?
Idk
Would I be happy?
Probably not
Would I be free?
Never
Would I be new?
Probably not
Would I be shot at?
More than likely
Would I be?
Idk, I'm not sure I am now.......

— The End —