I know it’s not simple
I know I can’t be a solution
But I’m still here to help
And maybe some of the words I put down will make a mark
A mark significant enough for you to see your beauty as I do

You’re not weak for coping as you do
You’re open to me about it and you know what you’re doing
I see strength in finding a way to not hurt others
It does hurt, maybe sting a bit, to see your pain
But I understand and I’m not capable of judging you for it

You have a lot of care to give
It’s a thing I admire about you
You’re focused, you aim to achieve, even not knowing what you’re doing
Don’t let your accomplishments diminish because of what ifs or buts
The truth is it could never be enough
Could
But it is
And next year I’ll be cheering you on just the same
Don’t worry about results, trust yourself in the process, enjoy it, and don’t beat yourself up for being human
I’m sure the first chair is just as much if not more bummed by not making regions

Your self image isn’t how I see you
Nor how anyone else does
And I understand why you think the way you do
It’s something I beat myself up for as well
But there’s nothing wrong with you
If there was I’d be the first to tell you
And here’s the list of things wrong with you:
.
.
.
.
Everything I see in you
The easiness to understand
And the love that boils up until it shoots out
Whether it be in a poem or a text or a glance
Makes you easy to love
And to hell if it’s just me who sees you as great as I do
I know in my heart your worth
To yourself, to me, to the universe
And to be frank with you
It’s never gonna be enough for what you deserve
I just hope you can find me deserving
And easy to love

Hours passed,
Turning into days,
Then to months,
Until it had been almost a year

I still remember
The days of sleeping on the couch
Haunted by my bed
My outlet
My tv

I thought that night would never end
The morning felt like a typical colorful day
We were talking about random things
You complained about your allergies
But then
In one snap
Everything darkened

I can’t remember the exact amount of time
Could be 7 hours 32 minutes and around forty two estimated seconds
I spent awake on the couch
Staring at the wall
Thinking of us
Or what used to be us
Probably what could’ve been us


And soon came a long era
Of lying to myself to create brightness
Of emotions I couldn’t contain
Thoughts that triggered me
Until it almost consumed me
And I was back in school
Surrounded by you

God I prayed that I would be around you
Even though I knew nothing would happen
I’d fight my best friend over standing next to you in the stands
But I’m glad I won every time

I know the story is you hurt me in the fall
But in truth,
You opened my heart back up
And although you took the hits from that
It made the inevitable make sense
If something is impossible,
And makes sense,
What you’ve got is something
And that’s not to give up on

I’ve always seeked approval from you
Wanting you to see me as something to keep
Or to obtain
Life just doesnt work that way though
I can’t make you want me
Which is why the inevitability is my second greatest ally
The first would be you

It’s not always bright
there can be darkness
but it’s got a bit of sentimental value to it there’s joy to be caught
even in small amounts