cry on me
warrior
let your tears
soak
into my skin
for i will carry them
in your stead
and they will be
proclaimed just

and with my voice
your tears
will be heralded
across the sky  
as truth

have faith
in this
for the time
is now fast approaching
for a reckoning
to take place

and i will be humble
in my joy
before you

bearing witness
to your
salvation

and that is why
i love you
because i feel
your gentle spirit
in between
each pause
for breath
i feel
your kindness
seep
through my pores
and find
it's home
under my
skin
and i know
in my
heart
you are pure
golden light
and i will stand firm  
beside you
with pride
by virtue of
your kindness
your want
for peace
your love
for those
lowly
and lost

some times
i feel the need
to pull away
the need
to hide

from everyone

sometimes
i just find the world
so overwhelming
so much about it
crushes my soul
it hurts

but

even when i want
to be invisible
a little voice inside
whispers
'i wish you would
come find me'

and

despite the pain i feel
being trodden
under foot
it simply doesn't
compare
to the pain
of missing you

when all i want to do
is disappear

i feel i am an acquired taste
maybe i'm not everyone's
cup of tea
i am one who will
not always
have the right words to say
but will search high and low
even down the back of the couch
to find ones that will fit
to make you smile
just so i know
you are happy

i won't always have the answers
to life's whys
and wherefores
but if you give me reason
i will believe in you
and follow your lead
to the ends of the earth

my only pleasure
will be in
my giving you
pleasure
i seem to be
wired
that way
it's just how
my heart works
i'm soft
and i can't change it
no matter how hard
i try

i guess most others
want the one
they share their life with
to have spirit
to be feisty
to be strong

but i am very often
none of those things
but
in my own way
i am them all

so
i come as a package deal
complete with fairy lights
a quiet soul
and a sunny disposition
i don't know if that's annoying
probably is
but like i said
i'm not everyone's
cup of tea

but i like coffee
so maybe it doesn't matter
all that much

so for now
i will keep it
to myself
for when the moment comes
and someone asks
to take me out to tea

until then
i will wait
patiently
with hope
behind my eyes
eyes which will always
look upon you
in wonder

i promised myself that i would one day
be happy
as i lay upon the kitchen floor
covered in my own blood

a hand
wedged between my throat
and my next breath

my last thought to myself was
that
if i lived
i would be soft and gentle
no matter what the cost
until my heart no longer beat

i laughed in my head
thinking
that i couldn't play dead
because..
i thought..
what if i was dead already?

so i promised myself..
if i was not dead
this time..
and i did indeed.. live
that i would one day
find love again

i considered it to be a strange thought
to have
as the lights went out

but soon enough
as i hugged myself tight
on our marriage bed
with deep marks upon my skin
and a branding within

i would again
close my eyes
wondering

"I'm sorry to bother you but,
when would be a convenient time to die?"

but my heart wanted something else
and wished of love
instead

so i promised myself
i would be kind
as i felt my feet lift from the ground
and swing above the floor
my back against the wall
held aloft
by my neck

i held my breath
and looked past the face
pressed in anger against mine
for just a glimpse of sunshine
just so i knew
there was another day
out there..
somewhere..

but afterwards
i then promised myself
i would always be honest
and seek the truth

as bitter lies and untruths
were molded into my reality
and i was force fed
every poisonous word

so i listened carefully
to how i had failed
to how i had lied
to how i had become
'oh such a miserable wretch'
and i believed every word
to be so

"Would it be an inconvenience..
if i died now?"

and then after that
i promised myself
that i would always
give my hands in love

as the blood warmed blade
found it's way to my throat
begging to pierce the skin
that was already scarlet
from my nose
my eye
my mouth

and so
the metal branded me
in unseen places
instead

and i thought to myself
no matter how hard i tried
the blood
dripping onto the carpet
would never come out..

and there must be
another way to live..
one that didn't mean
everyday
that i died

so i made promises
to myself
to be less
inconvenient
and more
myself

and then you see..
no matter what i endured
it always came back to.. me
came back to me..

that to stay alive
i would then make a promise
to myself
so i could get through
that day

"Okay so how about now?
if it's not too much trouble..
can I die now?"

so i promised myself
i would be good
i promised myself
that one day
i would have worth
i promised myself
that i one day
i would find myself again
under all of this life
that had fallen on top of me

so i listened to the incessant
little voice in my head
the one that made all the promises
and that chattered happily all day long
and sung me to sleep at night
it told me of hope
and of all the things i could be

and the lower my body fell
the louder her voice became
until she was all that i could hear
she fed my heart courage
and my mind, truth
she gave my spirit hope
and she promised me
very faithfully
that i would
always live
to see this day

the pieces of
us
are set in motion

to travel
in this time
on our planet
together

sharing the same days
and the same nights

the same oceans
and the same skys

all of our time
here
together

and through
which ever way
we touch

through
which ever time
we span

where ever
we may
be

we can choose
to travel
our lifetimes

with
and within
each other

and to what ever
end
our time will
set aside
for us

we can take
comfort

in that

we will
not be alone

we do not travel
this time alone

because now
we have each other

i find
my heart
does not talk of love
from beyond the clouds

nor does it
speak love
in it's searching
the heavens

it hears no whisper
of love
swimming among
a myriad of stars
outside of the
sky

i find
my heart
seeks love
from within the hearts
of man
and within
the peace of
the earth

that is where
i hear love

that is where
i speak love

for within the
ground
i am home

seeing as clear
as the day
that rises before me
the soul
the spirit
which lay
behind the eyes
of blue
and brown