When I was 18 I fractured my pinky
riding my Huffy bike from my dorm to my vet tech class
I sat there in class for the next two hours
in horrified silence
not wanting to leave
I couldn't miss class
My hand turned from a beige to a lovely shade of indigo
like I had dipped the right side of my right hand in a vat of ink

That pain was nothing

When I was 20 I unceremoniously jumped from a mustang named Spirit
Fracturing my leg, the only thing keeping it attached was the muscle, tendons, and skin
But even that had been broken by a white bone
I cried and cried

That pain was nothing

See for a fractured finger or leg
You receive attention, and help
doctors crowd around you and inject you with morphin
and prescribe hydrocodine
to numb the pain
so that you can be put together again and heal
eventually forgetting why you cried in the first place

But what about a broken heart?
No one comes
and you are the only who feels that it would have been better had you been shot, because then you would know why you feel this way
there would be evidence of your pain
and a reminder that you used to be whole
not just a shade of who you once were
people wouldn't tell you to get over it
that you just need to think about something else

This pain is everything

I paused the movie to hear the couple fighting outside.
She said "You haven't talked to me at all tonight!"
and he said "What?"

But I know what they really meant to say was "I get stupid when I see you and I don't know what to do about it."
Then she slapped him and ran back inside crying.
It was an awkward moment for me in someone else's life.

It made me think about the video on how penguins mate forever.
And about how we're not penguins and how monogamy makes promises like traps
And how the only thing we have in common with penguins
is that we give each other rocks
and that means I love you until the sun explodes.

And how?

How come penguins can get it more right than us?
They can't even fly.

And when I watched this kid clutch his face as he wondered what he did wrong,
I can't help but ******* hate
all the happy penguins for him.

You stupid penguins,
you all look like you're going to a fancy party all the time
you stupid penguins
you run like your pants are down
you stupid penguins
you're gonna have someone to sit on the couch with forever
and you can't even fly!

What happens when you realize your penguin lover is immature
and he overeats the fish
and he's always late to things?

What happens when you realize your she-penguin has really bad penguin depression and you don't know how to deal with it?

What happens when you realize you both met too early and now you're different penguins?

I'll tell you what happens.
They stay together.
You know why?
Because he gave her a ROCK.
That's why.
Because, to penguins
rocks mean more than mortgages
and wanting to go to Hawaii
and step children
and sprinklers
and school districts.
They can keep a marriage alive with some instincts
and a ******* egg to sit on.
PENGUINS
Stay together longer than 50% of any couple you've ever met

And they can't even fly!

But maybe a bird
that knows how to fall in love better than us
doesn't need to know how to do that.

Some girl's beauty is so
Paralyzing.
It stops you in your tracks
Even from a full sprint.
Your heart seems to skip
And words fail you.
And you know at once
That this is
The girl.

Some girl's beauty is
Quiet.
It creeps up on you slowly
And surrounds your senses.
Completely engulfing them.
Then you come to realize
That this is
The girl.

I appreciate the way I fell
In love with you.
A mix between the two.
I held my breath and jumped
Right in.
You calmed my skipping
Heart
And I came to realize that
You were
The girl.

I fell in love with every fiber
Of your being
With every fiber
Of mine.

I remember a time when time was just a number,
where the only times where school and dinner.
When I didn't have to grow up to be what I want,
but I could act it out in a secret lair or a parking lot.
As you become old, they try to rid you of you imagination,
well I say nay as I fly my submarine in a train station.
You know what take my wallet, live my life,
because I am a ninja hiding in the night.
Go ahead, try and catch me if you can,
Big old stupid corporate man.
You might be sophisticated and civilized,
so what, I am a 50 foot spider that can freakin' fly!

I
miss you
       at night;

when I tuck my feet in

they
  look for
    yours still.

It's getting close to Christmas
and I'm scared to be alone.

Save me, oh God, from this dreadful place.
I need to get going and speed up my pace.
My heart's rushing forward, not stopping a bit.
My mind is lost, caught up in a split.
Too many thoughts and too much despair.
My eyes are full of stars, which really is rare.
Please give me the grace to start anew.
Because my life needs a new hue.

I like the way you say my name.
When you call it, I listen.
You say my name like
you know what you're talking about.

My name,
it feels safe in your mouth.
It was born and raised there.
It's whole family is there and
it had block parties
with all seventeen cousins there.

My name spent bathing suit summers
running through sprinklers
just behind your teeth.

It's comfortable there.
I know my name always has a bed
under your tongue.

Even if you couldn't
say my name ever again,
I know I'd still like the way you say my name.

I like the way you say my name.