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Fit for a King

Was it the visions that told her so?
Told her to see them, to hear them
The main character in her own paranoid play
That part where she leaves us –
Leaves us
Split and broken –
Her mind
Split and broken -

Running wild, bucolic at times
Never stopping until her body stopped
She had babes loving them little in life
Yet teaching them life; after life
She wrote it all down for us to read
Each wild, eccentric, illusionary deed

She was fit for a King, so it’s told
She kept his name, never letting go
Even though she let go

Kept a bottle of whiskey under the sink
For those special times, to help her think
We rested her there in Whiskey Town

We thought it fit
Fit for her, Fit for a King

Her final chapter unrefined
A memorial with none but 4
We who cared, we who could
Who rested her demons – lay them down
Out there in Whiskey Town
Let her be gone, the torment let loose
Into the waters, the soil, the woods

We thought it fit
Fit for her, Fit for a King
I did not go out to see it  
the winds were too cruel  
as April’s cocky currents often are  
though the sky was a clean black palette
on which it painted perfect its orange face   

inside, in the incandescent haze
you were restless, reaching up from the bed  
at ghosts I could not see  
you were seven and eighty,
and there were many
who haunted your nights,
especially now, when the doctor had said
nothing  was left to be done,
but the watching and waiting    

he had given you little
of Morpheus’ sweet sap, as per your request  
and I left the light on, as you demanded  
what about the dark did you not like  
save what we all fear, as the end grows near?    
for whom were you grasping?    

I suspect I knew, from the old days,
when I would sit on your knee,
the other big people there with you  
swapping stories in the gray Lucky Strike air  
you thought I was too young to understand
(and I probably was)  
you thought my mystic memories
of that slur of beer buzzed words
would trail into the city night,
like your smoke  
(but they did not)  
sooner or later, mostly later,
you and your buddies
would get around to the ships  
I would see sails and pirates
but your tongues would paint thunder and steel
(which I somehow could taste)  
Eddie the **** and David the Jew,
those were the two, the ones
you let slip through your hands  
the ones the salted sea took too soon  
your eyes were not bleary
when you told the tale,
every sentence punctuated
by a swig of Schlitz, a drag off a ***
your buddies told their own stories  
of those who slipped through their paws  
or were blown “all to hell and back”
or drowned, without a simple sound    

those were the spirits
for whom you reached,
anemic apoplectic apparitions
in the indifferent  air, but still there  
for only you to see, waiting for you
while I wondered when you would join them  
and if I would yet brave the wailing wind
under the blood moon
my pasture will be paid for
courtesy of the Veterans Administration  
grass above my bones will be under “perpetual care”
cropped square, green and never allowed to be with ****  
much the same as it was with me, when I was ten and eight
and taught to hasten others to their own plots  

I fear some of them became feast for maggots
or the wild dogs’ jaws, deprived of a bugle’s clarion call  
a politely folded banner, or serenely composed, lugubrious pall
their eyes were not closed gently, with a loved one by their side  
the night came to them amidst man made thunder,
fire from the perverse steel  

in eventide’s charcoal stillness  
where I await my inevitable “agricultural” fate  
their faces appear on the ceiling, faintly,
waiting for my company, not asking
why I am not yet among them, not knowing
the mutual mad marching of our feet has been replaced
by something called years, or that their humble silence  
has left me with yet greater eternal fears
(some ghosts scream I am told--others do not)
blasphemy,
is no doubt my intention  
for every word I add
will be seen as profligate  
there are no blanks to be filled,  
but I will fill them
with guilt--not remorse  
(or neither, or both)  

for sale,
the dead sign
hanging in the window  
keeping the sun out,
the whispers in  

baby shoes,
ethereally white,
never to be bronzed
or filled with awkward
pink feet, never to be
outgrown or passed down,
with a few sublime scuffs,  
to a brother


never worn,
left sitting on
a sky blue sheet
awaiting the feel of feet
stared upon, with rapt attention
by four faithful, faithless eyes  
that would wait while words
of comfort  fell on deaf ears
but never be filled with tears  
as long as the sign read
for sale  

blasphemy,
I have committed thee  
along with he who convoluted hope, with
six bold words
**Hemingway's "shortest story ever written" was: for sale, baby shoes, never worn
Pollination drones on like
Eternity, today it's all I
Can do not to succumb
To the pheromones of the bees
Time to get planting
How does it happen
Some object of remembrance
When it all comes crashing down
Gasping for air
Treading against the grain
Faltering, unmentionable sorrow
Alone in the dark
Your mind the monster under the bed
Need air, breath, light
But it doesn’t come
When will it come
winter is coming again
feel it in the bones
as you light another cigarette
******* you should kick the habit
******* you should settle down
focus on your studies
and not on the vultures
that fly in and around you
trying to get warm in this cold air
can you see them circling now?
if only they weren't so tantalizing
if only they weren't so persistent
so keen on the feast
all bundled up in those cute
scarves and jackets and boots
how do you resist?
how do you resist these
eyes like razorblades
and talons
and teeth?
you don't
you let them tear
you apart with
every glance
with every smile
winter is coming
and everyone feels it
all you do is light
another cigarette
and try not to look up
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