an•thro•po•pho•bia (n)
the fear of rejection

example: i have about 20 different personalities, none of them my real one, made for different people
i don't really know who i actually am anymore, but if someone were to not like me i might **** myself on the spot

cause: learned behavior

hi

beware of getting close to me.

we can be friends for a while,

and then i’ll get attached.

that’s when things get sour

i fall apart thinking about what you think about.

growing close to you is terrifying..

and i can’t quite go with it.

I’m sorry

i’m scared

i’m not good at this.

Can we forget that this existed?

i'm the oldest daughter
that means getting love and validation from my family is transactional

my mother is proud of me
she thinks i'm an amazingly talented person
until my grades drop
now i'm sad

my father loves me
he calls me his twin
until i start acting my age
now im weird

my sister looks up to me
she wants to be just like me
until i try to be myself
now im embarrassing her

my other sister likes to be around me
i'm her best friend
until i stand up to her
now im a bully

i'm the oldest daughter
i'm the greatest person in the world
until i'm not

hey,
im not quite sure
how to say this.
ive typed it a hundred times
and deleted it
every time.
i like girls.
i don't quite know what that
changes for you --
but it doesn't change who ive
always been.
im still me.
still your daughter.
i just finally wanted to tell you
the truth about myself.
even if it's scaring the **** out of me.
especially if you don't understand,
i hope one day,
you'll still see me
the same.
just more...
whole.
more real.
and more
me.

but im not sending this.
im not ready.

guess who has her third project planned?

me.

im once again..
excited.

can't wait to share it with you.

might make 12 parts 🤭🤭

Sometimes I don't know who I'll be the next day
Will I be the girl who keeps everyone at bay?
or will I be the one
who is coming undone?
Sometimes I look at me
and I'm not sure what I see
am I a girl who is falling apart?
or am I someone who just needs life to start?
Sometimes I close my eyes
and I dream of a different life
But I know that whoever I am, whatever I may be
I will never stop longing to just be free.

i will not stop ever ever
i will run into grey skies
i will not stop ever ever
i will fight until it dies  
i will not stop ever ever
i will relentlessly wrestle with the knife
i will not stop ever ever
i will lustfully breathe all of life
i will not stop ever ever
i will almost drown in the river
i will not stop ever ever
i will cry but load the quiver
i will not stop ever ever
i will shoot it in the heart
i will not stop ever ever
i will refuse to restart
i will not stop ever ever
i will not look back nor slip
i will not stop ever ever
i will lay naked none to strip
i will not stop ever ever
i will let go of pencil turn to pen
i will not stop ever ever
I will not hurt myself again