I just changed my HP description thing
From female to gender questioning
I don’t know why the hell that’s so scary
But yesterday
I really did not feel like a girl

When people enter my room now
I corner myself to the edge of the bed
And get ready to cover my ears
Like a scared dog
And scared dogs
Aren’t scared of everything because they’re wimpy
They’re scared because they had to be

Even when people get disappointed
The child cries because he didn’t get to pet it
The owner looks at it with pity
But the dog feels it mist continue

though not violent
It will bark
And though not in danger
It will whimper

Not because it’s wuss
But because they can’t truly trust everyone
After their first owner
After those horrors
No one it’s at the back of its cage
Scared

there is a hush
a silence of breaths
as the music dies

huddled voices huddle
troubled voices are more troubled
laughter dies and enters echoes

but how can there be
such a tragedy
the DJ's fall a mystery

In the black of night
not a twinkling light in sight
he shone as bright as the sun
too bad we were on the run

Had we not witnessed the death
not heard the last breath
we would be enjoying the party

But his mind was too preoccupied
too mystified
by the mysterious woman
consulting the doorman

Have you ever heard 'curiosity killed the cat'
boy you should have hid behind your hat
you were the guest
now your part is the test

You are ****** for all eternity
because of your naive mentality
so run you little lab rat
your being chased by the cat

I try to be the good girl,
The girl who has it all together,
But I'm not.

I'm the girl crumbling into pieces trying to find herself,
The girl who isn't sure who she is but knows what she has to be,
But that isn't the real me.

The real me wants to escape from that trapped box of everyone's expectations.
It seems impossible.
I want to find me.

But it seems to be the hardest thing that can be.
Who I am is up to me, but you see,
No one seems to understand that part of me.

HOW
After all these years
After all these  years.
HOW
Do I still feel the same
HOW
After all these years
After all these  years.
NOTHING
Nothing has changed
I almost forgot I was always messed up like this
I wonder
HOW
Have I managed to drown
DROWN
The voices
The pain
HOW
HOW
After all these years
After all these  years.
HOW
Do I still feel the same...

I've been blessed with this curse to put my thoughts into words
Yet it feels like I'm heartless as i put my heart into this verse
These words tumbling around and round
Never making sense as they beat me down
Curses from blessings
Yet the pain that I've gained from
This game called life
This pain that'll cut sharper, harsher, deeper than
Any Knife
A pain called lessons derived from
These sticks and stones that mold me
Shinning a brighter than bright light for the world over to see
Yet over and over again like Autumn i
Shall fall
Tripped up and caught up in these
Words that i say
Even as they torment me from day to day
I showed you one side now I'll show you the other
As these miscellaneous thoughts branch off to the deepest depths of my mind
Showing a darker side yet to be revealed
Yet has yet to be sealed properly
Trust me when i say I'm offering this once in a life time chance more rare than winning the lottery
To show what has plagued me
From a day to day basis

You always look so happy though!

That’s fake
That’s fake
It’s fake
It’s fake
Fake
Fake