we are all made of stars
cast down from the heavens
and turned into
a form we can recognize.

perhaps
we are not all made for a life
on this planet
and should have stayed with the stars.

maybe that is why
some of us look for a way
back to the stars
because we were not made
for this.

impossible 6.21.25 (2:07 pm / 14:07)
it feels so
impossible
to carry on

i know i wrote a poem called carry on
that day was a good day, may 7, 2025
that day was a day i might have been happy

it feels so impossible to go back there
that light and love are impossibly far away
everything good is impossible for me

i want someone to make impossible possible
i want someone to at least want to help me
please
is it so hard?
i've tried for you, would you try for me too?

maybe that's impossible too
just wishful thinking
there's no one here for me

i’ve tried so hard
it's impossible

i’m fine 6.21.25 (1:59 pm / 13:59)
mhm. yes.
i
i- i was okay
i’m okay yes
yes i’m fine i’ve always been fine

it's just that im standing in the middle of a maze right now
and everyone else seems to have their ball of yarn or whatever
and im just standing there alone no one will help me

yes im fine it’s just that i feel like im going to die
right now
i am going to die
maybe that would be okay maybe everyone would be better off
with me dead

dont be sorry for me, maybe it’s good no one will help me
find my way
i ******* deserve this

i want to be strong but i cant

untitled 3 6.21.25 (1:29 pm / 13:29)
i can’t handle this anymore
i’m so tired
so sad i’m just so sad it’s crushing me
i don’t feel it when i cut
my scars are the only proof i was ever bleeding

i can’t do this what did i do for this to happen to me

mood swings 6.21.25 (1:24 pm / 13:24)
something’s wrong with me, isn’t there
everyone says this is okay this is normal this is fine
doctors: this is just a side effect of the meds
friends: this happens to everyone
parents: it’ll be okay it’s okay

and me: this is fine i’m fine i can stay fine if i just keep this face of fineness
and blankness and stare into space

it’s not it’s not fine
i can’t do this anymore

i don’t believe in god but please someone help me
i was happy just a minute ago
please
let me go back

capitalization 6.20.25 (3:43 pm / 15:43)
i used to capitalize
i used to scream on the page
it seems like i used to be unafraid
and now i whisper
what happened to me?

[playing: no tears left to cry by ariana grande]