Arms tight,
grabbing fistfuls of t-shirt,
your mascara wet on his shoulder.
This is the hug you give
when something is falling apart.

This is the hug you give your ex boyfriend
when you promise you will still be there for him,
this is the hug you give him
when he wishes to stop existing,
this is the hug you give him
when you tell him you love him,
this is the hug you give him
when he doesn't believe you,

these embraces will break your heart,
they will make your ribs curl in on themselves,
they are apologies for the harm you have caused,
they are guilt for the scars you have left,
they are acknowledging that
terrible things happen to beautiful people,
they are the realization that
you are not a beautiful person,
you are a terrible thing.

Nothing has ever broken my heart more
than feeling yours beating
*and knowing you wanted it to stop.

he said
sorry, i
totally just
spilled my
heart out
to you

don't worry
i told him
**i know the
feeling

You're standing in the rain
it's 4 am and the wine you drank
is still dancing in your blood,
the cigarette smoke still lingers in your hair,
and lipstick is smudged on your skin.

Where you are is unknown
the streets are thick with puddles
and all the people have wandered off to bed
but you didn't.

Because going home meant being alone
and you hate lying in a bed
with cold sheets
with  no one to hold.

You hate waking up without someones fingertips
tracing your lips
or combing your hair.

You hate standing in your kitchen
looking out your small ***** window
wondering where the person who was made to love you
disappeared to.

So you stay out
just to feel less lonely.
Even if the only company you have are a few scattered raindrops
and the faint glow of street lamps at 4 am.

Is my mind still racing?
Or is my life the one running (while I)
slowly fall apart.
Why isn't anything simple?
Like a movie, or a show?
I wonder if anyone is a movie? (no)
They are all actors and actresses
living by simple pleasures (or)
opinions made by the convinced.
Where the self absorbed are confident,
they show no doubt.
I am scared
and insecure
my way of life is not sure
my options are too plenty.
I am trapped by my own Freedom! (and)
my power, my free-will!
We all need guidelines.
We need to look to our T.V (our screen)
and learn what needs to come next.
To our parent movie star look-a-likes.
And the actress inside all of us!
We will continue to believe in a
steady-stream-of-consciousness
and continue to feed our ego
as much as we please -
(or as much as we can).
I guess in the end
there is only ego
Its all in your head
how others perceive -
how I perceive
(there is no such thing.
I am alone in thought.)