how else would i describe myself?


i say i’m done with relationships and then

i

complain about not having someone to love


i want a relationship.

i don’t like anyone that much anymore.

nor does anyone like me.


i mean,, all my past relationships were “great” until i get dumped.



****.



no one wants me


fair, we’re only 15.


i’ll be able to drive next year.

graduate in 2.


i just want a ******* relationship.


where i won’t feel like ****

where i won’t be treated like ****

where someone will actually love me

i wanna be in your arms

in your hoodie

snuggled up tight with you by my side


cuddling


small i love yous before we fall asleep


in each other’s arm



is that too much to ask?

i finally feel comfortable with wearing my binder outside of home

we shouldnt be doing this because i just broke up with her?


but i said 3 years?



but to be fair,

she said she liked him, one of our best friends, for 9 months.

for 3 of those 9 months, we were dating.



but still.

3 years.

you asked about it.



ive just been pushing down these feelings to the point where they dont exist.


or at least i thought.


i saw you again and they came back.


every time i saw you.


they came back.


so i gave up.


theres your answer

“ you guys get so ****** when i leave but treat me like **** when i'm there
specifically for matt and robin soliel”


****.

thanks.


though you are the one who said that you wanted to avoid us.

you are the one who dumped me. twice.

the one who crushed on one of my best friends during our relationship.

you took out your anger on me by dumping me didn’t you.

you.  

started this drama,

didn’t you?


now your friends are targeting me.


i’m sobbing over you.


because after all, we’ve shared our moments together.



you had my first kiss.

had the title of robins first serious girlfriend.

robins the first one who had a relationship in the group.

robins girlfriend is so nice.


do you even know how much i showed you off to my friends.


“guys this is my girlfriend. isn’t she so pretty? she’s super nice and god- i think she’s the one. i really do.”


“she’s actually really hot.”


“yeah but she’s mine and not yours, loser. she’s mine. she’s my world. i just don’t wanna think about when the relationship will have to end..”


“i’m sure it won’t any time soon. you guys are so happy together. meant for each other!”




**** you.


****.


i hate this.


i’m not one to hate people but i’m starting to hate you now.


please, do tell your little friend so she can glare at me during class again.


i want you out of my life. you dumped me twice and you’re lying on the internet saying that i treated you like ****.


i really guess those nightly texts didn’t mean anything. those facetime calls. they didn’t mean anything, huh?

i need to stop writing about you.

but this is what happens when someone falls in love,

and feels... so.. so giddy.


you might just be an ordinary person,


but to me,

god-

to me you’re like my whole world.


your bright brown eyes lighten up the day.


your beautiful smile makes me warm inside.


your hugs- god your hugs make me feel comforted.


i can’t wait to see you tomorrow

you do like me that way.

i just didnt believe you like the idiot i am.