Leila

Leila Sep 2015

mass

what is written in the stars and expanses
is reiterated in your eyes
in the brilliance and wonder of your glances
i can see the dawn rise,
the refracting light reflecting from your gaze
is a sight that glorifies
us, our connection in this universe ablaze
and i have come realize
that the moments i will always remember
are the ones that symbolize
the past, the present, the future-and forever
cause whats real never dies

Leila Sep 2015

jokes

I hate everyone, including you
I hate the world and the universe too
There's nothing worth liking
The sun insults me with its shining
As do the stars and the moon
The dawn that forever looms
Mocking me among the gods
As I try to fight against the odds
Against all odds, they get a good a laugh
Laughing it up on my behalf
My hatred lives in their sense of humor
And peace comes later rather than sooner
Which in my present state, it can't be
Cause hates become a part of me
So many lessons it has taught
Now occupying my every thought
Is the value of knowing love
Against the value of a lack there of
Even when the moment seems peaceful
Still, there underlies some deep rooted evil
Leading me to dislike all
Taking me down paths that lead to my fall
But I really only have one concern
The truth, being a challenge to learn,
Is that no matter how much I despise other people
It's my self hatred that thrives without equal

#hate

Leila Aug 2015

living

It feels like times stopped since that moment
Like I haven't been alive since then
Memories are all I know
What is presently happening
Isn't real to me
I'm just acting like I exist
But the truth is I died
The day u left with
All my love and my pride
I should be dehydrated
Cause all I do is cry
The time I spend in tears
Is more than the time i spend drinkin water
I relive my fears
and then relive them again
look at me now
and you wouldn't recognize a thing
here i am though I don't know how
i got stuck in this nightmare, this dream
I dont feel like a human being
but people expect me to act like one
but im sick of acting
and now i'm done

#emptiness

Leila Jul 2015

planet earth

i look up to a black universe
then down at ***** bare feet
there must be nothing worse
than feelin the darkness inside of me
i didn't think much of it at first
but I soon was thinkin constantly
cause the sun shines down on earth
and I am too blinded to even see
my entire beings immersed
in shadows of some fantasy
so with the emptiness I converse
and in my pain i conceive
and in this pain i give birth
to all i know and believe
like how each grain of sand and dirt
is also in me-when i sweat or bleed
there's no quenching my thirst
i have just enough of what l need
and no more-poverty in the multiverse
is strange as dark dawns-as bittersweet
as my struggle, my heavens curse
incarnations are facades of mortality
and whats real will never die or disperse
but i'm clearly in the wrong galaxy

#confusion

Leila Jun 2015

sweetgum trees

i dont remember the day i began despising my existence
i do know i showed little resistance
bidding adieu to the remnants of my innocence
knowing my farewell wasn't a coincidence

cause i want to feel a bullet make its way to my brain
i want my limbs to blacken, lying broken, in freezing snowy-rain
i just want the pleasure of peace after pain
i need no funeral or name

let my weary body rot it the spot it was lain
cause all in all, it's all the same
people may drown or burst into flames
yet everyone leaves just like they came

when my head hangs high up some sweetgum tree
and my body dangles lifelessly-then ill be free
so please let be whatever's left of me
as my blood will water the sweetgum seeds

#death #anxiety

Leila Jun 2015

mad men

tryin to keep my thoughts straight
tryin to remember whats true
but why all this hate
why so much anger poured into
all our words and the screaming
beyond tears, sweat, and blood
lies the things that are seeming
to have sunk down in the mud
in the filth with dirt on my knees
this stain wont wash away
this hunger wont be appease
I can do you like you did me, but better
regardless of what you believe
cause pain has become my pleasure
and i'm no tease

#anxiety

Leila Jun 2015

little large flame

thank you god for this blunt
and for making me fend for my own
praise the prophets for the hunt
and all that they wrote in stone
I'm grateful to bear the brunt
of the pains and things unknown
thanks be to the universe-I live in want
and we all reap what we've sewn
I thank existence and face blunts
cause i never burn alone

#marijuana