You are tea,
serene in your surroundings.

                                                  ­                                                         I am coffee,
                                                         ­                        attention always bounding.

Your colour a milkish pale,
creamy optimism.

                                                      ­                                           I am taken black,
                                                          ­                                           bitter cynicism.

Two sugars,
to match your disposition.

                                                   ­                                                      None for me,
                                                             ­             I'll maintain my grim affliction.


                                               We differ so much,
                                                     it's obscene.
                                                  
                                                   But in the end
                                               we're both caffeine.

Stop trying to remember his scent, he smelled like summer and reminds you of the time he made you laugh so hard, you snorted out milk on that dead, hazy day.

2. Don't waste your day trying to decipher what colour his eyes were, it'll only remind you of the galaxies and constellations that you once saw in his eyes

3. Stop trying to retrace the shape of his mouth in the middle of the night, you'll choke on your tongue trying to taste the mint he devoured seconds before pulling you in for a kiss

4. Stop reliving the times you clasped hands together, the glass plate will fall off your trembling hands.

5. Burn this list, admit that the galaxies and constellations shining in his eyes were wilted, the one in yours are bursting with fire. Remember on the dead, hazy day his laugh sounded like nails running down a chalkboard. Remember when you kissed, the weeds growing from his mouth entangled the roses blooming in yours.

Realize that one day, another boy is going to come and plant daisies where he left behind thorns.

My life is a serious of unfortunate events,
one after another until my uncertain death.
It all seems so pointless, doesn't it?
Why care about anything, if nothing matters at all.

I haven't amounted to much.
All I have are small victories
alone unable
to give me a sense of false hope.
I'm a legacy left for no one to hear.
Watch me conquer all,
just to be whisked away by death.
Do you see my struggle?
Of course not.
You're too busy living it too.

But my heart cries out in desperation

It says, I want to live, don't take my life.
I want to stay here forever, don't take me away.
I want to be happy, don't cause me pain.
And finally, it screams,

The purpose of my life is living it, don't get in the way.

Little girl, little girl, you have never been here before.
Older sis, daddy, mommy, and you walk through the door.

Little girl, little girl, this will be your new home.
Your family goes one way and you go the other and roam.  

Little girl, little girl, you find a small room.
It has a set of stairs, that makes your curiosity bloom.

Little girl, little girl, run and grab you sister so you both can have fun up there.
As you come back with sister in hand, you see the stairs are not here.

Little girl, little girl, grow up in this house that brings a chill to your bones.
Grow up and always wonder what would have happened if you went up alone.

If I fall from the highest peak of the mountains nearby,
Will you remember me in five years?
Or will I flee from your mind,
Only to return when I'm mentioned,
If I'm ever mentioned again?

If I disappeared for awhile,
Cut all ties and communication,
Never contact you or anyone else again...

Will you worry for me?
Will you wonder where I've been,
Where I'm going,
If I'm alive?

Will you come running for me?
Will you care to, anyway?

If I told you I was nothing, I was no one,
Would you try to convince me otherwise?
If I told you that I hated myself,
Hated who I was and who I am,
Would you agree?

And if I bared my soul to you, would you run and hide?

I would.

But I doubt if you'd ever come running for me.

A fool, a fool I am.
How is sharing my stupid life supposed to help me?
It is only a temporary fix, only a scam.
This pain is stuck with me, it is a guaranty.

Made from the flames of my past.
It has evolved to the point that going to the root is no use.
Intertwined with my soul I realize at last.
Only way to fix it permanently I guess is with a noose.

It is not time for that yet,
so I must deal with this pain, I would be lying if I said it is no sweat.

I pass the places we were
one year ago today
not purposely,
it's just that my Gods seem
to have an ill sense of humor.

Walking slowly, numbly, dreamlessly around
a blinking city
that refuses to belong to me
ever again.

With every step kicking up clouds of dirt
in form of awkward memories
from not too long ago
that feel like a hazy far away dream.
it is easier to pretend they were merely that.
Reality is much harder to accept.

Bright Cakes with soft candle light
that graced your brow.
And I find myself hoping and wishing
I didn't know that you were doing so well,

if so...I'd be able to lie to myself
and imagine that you think of me
a little sometimes.

I hope you found what you wanted,
what you relentlessly worked so hard for.

Happy Birthday.