There is a dip at the center of my mattress
from night after night of sleeping alone,
gravity, like the weight of loneliness,
has made it sink down.
If the day ever comes that I share my bed with another,
the dip in the middle will bring us closer together while we sleep.
As if I had to endure all the lonely nights just to sleep so close to someone.
I’ll keep waiting for that day,
and the longer I wait, the lower the dip gets.
Maybe one day I’ll find someone to share the dip in my mattress with.

Or maybe I should just flip my mattress.

Three days to a week.
Twice a month or skip a month.
Day Two and I hurt.

Ages 5-10
I do not know where to begin.
You were my hero.
I remember how you would come home from a long day of work and have a Snowball fight .
Are family was perfect even when we had no money in sight.

Ages 11-13
Your true self was revealed to be rather mean.
I was confused and not amused.
You would put me through tests.
My answers were always of protest.
I did not want to give in and I was afraid.
If I did not give in would you eventually make a trade.
Would you go after one of my sisters you terrible mister.
I wanted to protect but I did not want to do what you call respect.
You began to get irate and punished me by putting me in the worst mental State.
It got so bad that all you would have to do is stare and that was more than I Could bare.
I would run outside and hide in which I would break down cry and wish to die.
In a way though I was happy because you seemed content in my torment.

Ages 14-18
More got added to this torturous routine.
He must have thought this was a game because he brought people in.
This must be a sin.
These people were my family who had about a dozen kids and now they are to Stay here and I am put in charge of their care.
I am a slave who must be brave but that does not mean I will behave.
I still must keep those evil eyes on me.
Make it so I am all that he sees.

Ages 19-20
I have scars aplenty.
My mom who has been out of the picture came and saved the day.
She grabbed sisters and took them away.
With them finally being loved, I can be as free as a dove.
For a while I was and things were great but the shock has caught up and I told It, “You’re a bit late.”

I lose you
like I lose my mind-

effortlessly.