Where are you today?
My mind needs to know
In what space you're existing
Who you may be meeting

Are you thinking of her?
Time to run through
Every single possible
Unpleasant scenario

It doesn't even matter
While you never think of me
My mind can't comprehend
Regardless of reality

Here comes the anger
Unnecessary, destructive
Solving absolutely nothing
And it comes just the same

I try to escape in sleep
But, wait, here you are
And here comes the pain
And you smile just the same.

I never asked for this
I never asked for you to
Waltz into my mind and
Never ever leave.

He was her knight in shining armor.
She was his Lady Hope,
His one true love.
They ended up happily ever after
In this fairytale he wrote.

I found their fairytale,
Their love written down
Beer-stained,
Wrinkled
On the ground.

Why can't one of the bugs
That bit my feet
Carry malaria
And end my existence
For me?

Why can't I trade me life
My electric pulse
My energy
With someone else who
Wants it?

Why can't everyone
Ignore me, rather than
Just most people?
Why can't they make it
Easier?

All of those people in accidents.
All of those people who
Didn't have a choice.
I want to trade places.
I wish to.

To put it bluntly,
I’m tired.

I’m tired of you
I’m tired of thinking of you
I’m tired of you being in my head
I’m tired of thinking I ever have a chance.

I’m tired of hope
I’m tired of wondering
I’m tired of pretending that things
Aren’t what they are.

I’m tired of the loneliness
I’m tired of how much I care
I’m tired of thinking about our conversations
The ones that meant something
The ones that mattered
The ones I was excited to have with you
Every day.

I’m tired of waiting
I’m tired of feeling
I’m tired of looking and never finding
I’m tired of not knowing.

And I’m tired of you caring less.
Knowing what you're capable of, yet
Giving less than the least.
I’m just
So
Tired.

You dig your own miserable grave
with your poor decisions, though
most choose ignorance and look
upwards.
They look towards the sky and change
nothing.
Look how deep it is.
Look at it.

Let’s have those shallow conversations,
The ones you feel comfortable with,
The ones you can have without
Even paying attention.

Let’s spend the day,
The entire day together
And learn nothing new about
Each other.

Let’s hide ourselves away,
Away from the ones we say
Are “close”
And away from ourselves.

And let’s stay the same
Or at least tell ourselves
That we’re not any different,
That we’ll never grow apart.

Yes,
Let’s play pretend.

It's hard to love what you love
When it receives no appreciation
From others.
It can damper the feelings you get
when your finger tips touch the
Ivory, the Strings,
the Brass.
If it matters to no one,
It is hard to see how it should matter
At all.
So you perform in solitude,
You shine for no one.
Not because you are shy
Not because there are none to hear
But because
No one would care.
They do not want to see you shine
They want you to
Remain in the dark with
The rest of them.