i open the front door & a small
man with his shirt buttoned all
the way up asks me if i'd like to
buy a pocket bible, so i can
worship wherever i go. i ask if i
can fit it in a flask & if it's okay
to take with whiskey. his eyelids
shut like a casket as he touches
his forehead, chest, right shoulder
then left shoulder. tells me i'm
going to hell. i crawl back
onto my bar stool and drink from
the ceramic mug you glued back
together the night you saw my face
and pictured a room full of soft
things shattering. i can hear the
sound of a train & it's such a shame
that the nearest railroad is under
construction. it's such a shame that
the floor of my mind is set up like
a child's playroom with plastic
train tracks set in the center & a
younger version of myself is sitting
in front of them playing with a
replica of the train my whole body
was begging to be kissed by.
ugh, kissing. my god. i'm so high.
kiss me in my death spot, the
spot that'll be where my life ends.
replace my train tracks with
a dollhouse. tell the soft things
that i love them. open my front door,
tell the small man to unbutton his
shirt, that not everyone buys
pants with pockets in them.
wake me up when i'm sober &
tell me to write an ending to this.
i cannot think of an ending. please
don't let me become it

don't fear the enemy
That attacks you
But the fake friend
That hugs you

Why are you crying?

I’m not.

You are.

Do you cry from sadness?

I’m not crying.

I see the tears, dripping from your cheeks.

I see the pain in your eyes.

Why are you lying?

I am not lying.

You are.

Do you lie out of spite?

I’m not lying.

I see how your nose crinkles,

You will not look me in the eye.

Why won’t you let me help?

I don’t need help.

You do.

You need someone to hold you when you cry.

I’m not crying.

You are.

I don’t want to listen to you anymore.

And yet you still listen,*

Because you know I’m right.

And you don’t want to turn away

The only one who cares.

I don’t need you.

Even that sounds fake

To your own ears.

What do you want from me?

I want you to let me hold you,

To share in your pain.

You don’t have to be afraid to show weakness.

It lets me know that

You are only human.

You’re right. I am crying.

I know.

*And that’s okay.

Standing there, unshed tears, sadness stroking my heart

Numb to the world, thoughts a strewn, confusion blight and bleary

Watching the woman, in the casket, shaking as we part

What could I do, to overcome this, when all I feel is weary

Dead and gone, a victim of the night, affronted to the day

All that's left of her is memories, as I turned and walked away