Sometimes things don't go how you planned. I don't understand my own mind and that scares me. I used to write poetry, but now when I try to write, nothing happens. I wish I knew why. I am unsure where I belong. I live in a home that isn't mine, with people that aren't my family. I wish I could find the switch in my head that makes me know what to do. What to say. How to fix things, how to be happy. It's so hard to go through the jumble of thoughts in my head to pick out the ones that matter, the ones that are real. I have so much to say, until it's time to say it. I am so tired.

no matter how deafening my voice
nobody really hears me

My arms and legs move
connected to strings
that I do not hold

these tears,
my only relief

words escape me,
solutions out of reach

I am trapped in my own mind

the tears I can't help but shed,
they blur my view of reality

or do they?

she walked the empty halls
her footsteps echoed in the quiet
sunlight streamed through high windows
she dragged her hands along the walls
where books and pens once were
where whispered conversations were held
where two people learned to love
those summers came and went
hearts were broken and tears shed
lessons learned and tests taken
the place that seemed like everything
became a memory
things she thought would end the world
became the least of her worries

she couldn't see this through the crowd

the path i should walk
to take me to places i should go
with friends i should talk to
and the boys i should like
the book i should read
that tells me what i should be doing
flaws i should cover up
clothes i should wear
food i should eat
to ensure i look the way i should

i'm gonna go where i want
with the people that make me happy
regardless of if it's what i "should" do
because i'm sick and tired
of being defined and confined
by what people believe i should do
because of what i look like
or where i come from
my gender
my age
my race

you only get one life

why waste it doing what you "should"?

SO FRUSTRATED