She doesn't look up, not once.
None of them do. 

Not when the words hang
From the tips of their drooping mouths, 
Droplets splashing onto those
Neon screens clutched in
Sweaty hands, soaring and tumbling past
Instagram, tumblr, straight on til'
Status udates, and 
Timelines that tell life stories and
Remind them that 
"It's her birthday today" because
They forgot that they forgot last year too.
So they crack their neck 
(It hurts to look down for so long)
, lift a pale finger to click: 
"Wish you a happy birth--

She is behind them, but they don't 
See, or don't bother to.

So when those words falter, halt
To a stop because that pale finger thinks
It would be awkward, will wishing
A happy birthday mean...
(Interest?!) 
She sees, and keeps silent, because those words:
They have grown cold, hard, like concrete
Left to cool for too long. 
And when they close that white and blue screen,
Swipe on to more important things,
She picks up the hem of
Her faded dress and plucks off that 
One loose strand of thread that
Never seem to 
Stop. 

She closes her wings and fold them 
Back within herself. 

And on that particular night, 
On that particular date, 
She clutches a neon screen in her 
Sweaty hands, and count. 

1...

2...

3.

3 pokes.

From my ******* button eyes,
I have experienced the world.
The colours, threads that make up this fabric
One which can only be seen--and observed
From the corner of a room,
My corner,
The one under a piano, home to
Abandoned playthings and
Languishing crotchet notes, and staccatos.

From the corner of her bedroom
I watch her laugh, mouth agape,
Hacking out unintelligible sounds, and feel
Feel how the air rejoices at her mirth,
How it allows waves to travel--
Announcing her joy for all the world to share.
And I watch, watch her leak,
Leak her troubles, heartbreaks, hurricane of
Emotions
All into a puddle, tiny as it is.
Watch her face remain steadfast, strong even as
Inside, she dissolves, like white paper in acid.
Burning, burning...

And I experience all of her,
Her emotions, fiery temper, icy demeanor,
Warm hugs, cool attitude, everything,
Like the seasons of the earth.
With my ******* button eyes, I stare,
and I understand,
This entire world that has slowly been revealed to me,
The ball of yarn inside a person, waiting to be
Unravelled.

I count: A Silver line(ing)
Wait, two.
There they bask on top of his head,
(Is it just me or is it getting hot in here)
Dyed? I inquire.
No answer.
They lay, black-hole swallowed amongst
Livelier, Lonelier, counterparts
Youth, I imagine they think
To themselves, is a void(ing)
Reality.
Age is the neon pink vitality of last
Chances; they know
The average lifespan of their kind:
730 days.
--the queue groans forward two steps--
So they shift slightly and give in to an ebony hollow-
Ness (cafe) isn't good for your health-
I muse an an afterthought.
The nest shivers,
Rustles as the tree stalks away on neon pink
Roots, a beige trunk.

Oh, but does the mourning mother miss him so!
In the trailing yellows of sunset she sees him,
In the bed he used to dream in, now but a
pristine stain of blue against white, displaying the vague outline of
used-to-be times and the drool stain that she
couldn't wash off with tears
On the walls hung portraits of silence
(Was it just her or did the smile seem forced all of a sudden)
They stared with canvas eyes and
whispered footsteps that ran up and down and up screaming
Fly away butterfly, fly!
Fly, fly, fly!
And fly it did, crash-landing into a web of disaster--
Its black mistress spinning him round and round and round her
scarlet hourglass figure
Time lost its meaning that night,
Trapped in an endless labyrinth of dead-ends and
rubber bands he'd use to make constellations with
Imprisoned within the suffocating
Haze of thoughts, memories she didn't want to unlock
and smoke.
Smoke- slithering its way into the sky, smoke
coiling around its mangled metal corpse.
He was gone before the smoke had risen,
leaving her to sweep up the broken pieces of herself;
They bit savagely into her palms but the numbness:
It built a fortress of steel around her:
Impenetrable.

Brother 
Memories forged by the steady stream 
of Time, crinkles by your eyes and 
Teardrops down your chin. 
It all went back to that rubber band--
Remember your shocked face when
it missed its mark, how my face stung--
Literally, before you stumbled and then 
(I think it was that moment you sung)
Straight into my heart with your laughing eyes
, and that corner of your mouth that never 
seemed to lift quite as much. I realise, 
Just how deeply you sank your white anchor
Into my black unforgiving sea. 

And now it has come the time 
Of war, of demons, of pain. 
And brother, watch me repay you--dime
By dime. I do not forget the saints.
And so long as I shall live, I 
Promise, the demons that wrought 
carnage upon your soul shall die.
I will be your haven, just as you've taught
Me, once upon a time.

Timid she creeps, painting
Sunsets on trees.
One by one
Burns
Leaves
Bolder.
Fly, fire, fly!

And the moon cried out to the stars with a great wail.
Then came the insistent pounding of sky and earth and
Everything in between.
Before awestruck eyes crashed a
Great wall of water;
Raging, wild like a wolf that hadn't seen the moon for
Far too long a while. It loomed over them:
Tiny, pointless in comparison.
A drop of water amidst an ocean.
The wave seemed to shudder when it crested,
As time stopped to wave goodbye, and then
As if someone had pressed the fast forward button on a recorder
The wall came crashing down
And down
And down
And down.
And that is how, my darling,
Humpty couldn't
(for his life)
put himself back together again.

Dear Friend,
These years we had went by so fast
These years apart shall never mend
And this far our warm love has last
And my heart this parting shall ever rend

Dear Friend,
Do you still remember the first time we met?
(oh please tell me you do)
So much has happened, I’ll never forget
But now we bid adieu

Dear Friend,
My soul is here
My flesh is there
It is my mortal fear
That my heart I’ll never again share

Dear Friend,
We conquered the world, hand in hand
And sailed the seven seas
Without you I couldn’t have sketched the sand
Nor kissed the cool sea breeze

Dear Friend,
Maybe one day we’ll meet again
Before the ink has left the pen
When time is old and so are we
And we will one last time celebrate our jubilee*

Dear Friend,
Know that you’ll always hold a space in my heart
For the laughter that we’ve collected
And for all the times we tore each other apart--
(What can I say? We’re both demented)

Dear Friend,
I guess what I’m trying to say is
Life can be mean
Life can be bliss
But please remember to hold on
To our sun-kissed smiles and watery eyes
I promise
They’ll hold you through to dawn
So forget goodbyes
They are not forever
This precious love goodbyes cannot sever
This joyous pact we’ve together drawn
For now
Let us merely whisper
“Until tomorrow’s dawn”

You are smog you are 
the suffocating greyness coating my 
throat in thick layers like a winter coat,
Except on the 

Inside

Of cupboards behind
Bookshelves you are always there, waiting
For the perfect opportunity to strike
Hard, fast but its always your

Shadow

Puppets dance on my shoulder they
Don't reflect what's inside
But it doesn't matter, does it? 
Only that everyone likes the 

Dance 

Under the sun till my 
Head bake heart ache stop pulling on my
Strings I cannot feel my feet anymore 
How do I 

Stop?

you have always inked your own skies but this time-- this time Sea has engulfed the earth and these is no shore for hope to wash up
on
the crook of your elbow is a criminal cast of old time's sake and beneath skin-deep smiles each red blood cell drags its own wheelbarrow of
rocks
the size of teardrops roll down vein-encrusted mountainsides and you think (you know) to yourself: this is the end of the world as you know it. --then a glass ceiling rains down the sun and you pull oxygen; dissociate atoms: the yearning to breathe
again
you ring the doorbell and step in and something inside me rings as well; loud and clear and joyful and i notice
you leave your shoes behind.

In another life
She would have been born a boy 
Too late, they'll just try again
Pudgy limbs thrashing in water 
Soon the bucket is silent.

Boom
Blinds rattle
Hearts break

Boom
Wild winds buffeting
Hearts mend

Boom
The sky splits open
Hearts shatter

Boom
Silence in the streets
Broken hearts don't mend

Boom*
The gates of heaven close
Only time can heal

It took just one teeny tiny slip
The slip of a tongue
Oh
No.
Mocking laughs, eyebrows
Raised high
But not at you, oh no no,
It wasn't even yours to tell
But you had to, didn't you?
Hesitation, what should I do?
Laugh along, as you do, in your own
Special way , but not this time
Maybe it was the shimmering air
That seemed to whisper, graze your skin
Or maybe it was the way
Your smile ended at your cheek
You were always not that good of a liar anyway
I could always tell, and you knew it
Was that why you
Spun away from me, put on your mask.
The one I had thrown away
I wonder when you had picked it up.

In the end
It was your conscience that
Killed you, murdered you,
At least the part of you that I cared
To search for
The burning part of you that
Seared itself into my memory.
I didn't mind, no, really
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes
You didn't think so, always the perfectionist.
Lately I seem to be a friend of the devil
He told me about his precious gifts to me
And why they seemed to
Latch on to me, like leeches, like glue
Like me and you, before all this happened.
I don't mind, really.
Now you act like it's a
Daily masquerade
You can't keep hiding, I did find you,
Remember? Please... I need you
You think distance will heal? I don't understand.
I really don't. Don't understand why you closed
This door, the one we painstakingly carved
Together.
I miss you,
I really do.

You say tell me everything
So I do. 
I tell you about how the sun rises and how it sets
And how the sea retreats from the shore after every wave
Grasping at the singular granules of sand
And not being able to hold on. 
I tell you about colourful dresses and sunsets and carnivals 
And of the deep sea fishes that have mastered the 
Art of becoming invisible 
BUT
But--
Underneath all this talk is hidden tension between us
Do you feel it too?
This small winged thing is hiding beneath layers and 
Layers of thick paint do you feel it too?

I haven't mentioned though, of the other things. 
They live under the paint too.
Along with the ravaged dreams and spoiled memories
They live off me, like parasites on a host. 
I am afraid. 
What will happen when they consume me?
What will happen to you?
 
So don't say tell me everything
Don't say nothing at all.
Pack your bags, go home, never see me again. 
And then make sure to take the splinters out of your back 
From that time I slammed you against the door.

Though the sun has fallen and
the birdsong drifts to sleep,
The stars have only just awoken.

She saw no stars,
no fiery orbs of heavenly light. 
She saw the twinkles in the sky,
glitter in the black pupils she knew of 
--shining shaded thoughts

She saw no moon,
no kind mister smiling silver.
She saw the faint crescent of a 
Shadowed smirk and raised brows
--she tried to forget

She saw no rainbows,
no bright colours, no *** of gold.
She saw how the sun loved 
the rain it was made to oppose, she saw
--a girl she used to know

She saw rivers but they were of tears,
And flowers but they wilted fast,
And fruits but all they did, was bind her to 
The hell that was her past.

She thought of how they all said:
It's okay, he can't get to you anymore, 
It's gonna be safe darling, he's not gonna escape,
You'll be fine, I promise. 
And she laughed a laugh that spoke of shattered promises and 
a scarred existence. 
They were wrong, she knew. 
He would never go away however much she bled, 
However much she sat on her bed and waited
For the darkness to come, but it never did.
So she bled--

Like how he had made her bleed once before.