It's been a while
Since I last saw you
Where have you been?
What have you seen?

What crawls through your head
That no one can understand
Not even me?

Like a game of Russian Roulette,
I sit here and I sweat.
My palms are cold and wet.
I am waiting for the gun
To make its way to me.
The barrel glistens
As if to my thoughts it listens.
I am waiting for the bullet’s collision.

My heart pounds in my throat.
My heart pounds in my head.
My heart beats in its place.
What if you found me dead?

Finally the gun has made its way
All the way to me.
Across from you at this table,
I do not break my gaze.
I take a shot of whiskey.
I swallow all the ***.
I put the barrel to my head.
Won’t you join the fun?

You know, my dear,
I am well aware of my mortality.
It hangs on by a thread.
How would you like to know
That said thread
Is made up of
All the words you’ve said?

The gun shines like your eyes.
You taunt me with your smile.
“C’mon, just pull the trigger.
You’ve been stalling quite a while.”
Your smile reassures me
So I put some pressure on
The tiny little trigger,
With the help of some liquor.

Nothing happens.
It is what it is.
It does not really matter.
Because I know what love is.

Everyone needs a hiding place
To pour their thoughts,
To not get judged,
And this place must be kept safe.

Well, I've found a hiding place,
To pour my thoughts,
And not get judged,
But how do I just keep it safe?

Here on Earth,
It's safe nowhere
I feel danger
Everywhere.

While I hide
In my hiding place,
I'll seek for refuge
I'll seek for strength.

But first,
I'll look into my heart.
There'll be another hiding place,
That won't ever be taken from me.

Memories rush through me;
I see your face.
Brought to my knees,
the space where my heart should be
aches.

I’ve lost something too important
and can’t shake this fear,
that no matter how I fight or plead
it cannot be found
without you here

Panic rising in his chest
Control slipping away
Too many demands on his time
His children raising hell
Eating themselves out of house and home
Tearing lumps out of each other

How could he teach them a sense of responsibility,
Manners, morals
Who could he turn to for help, advice...
There was no one

This was not the way he'd planned it
This was not the way he'd meant it to be
God sighed
He put his head in his hands and wept
It was not easy being a single parent

I am tired, she said.
And with her head held low
I believed her.
I'm tired of tests
Of medication.
I'm tired of stress
Of loneliness.
I'm tired of being the strong one.
My will is weak
And I'm so tired.
I'm tired of being so angry
Of being sad
Of being anything at all.
And I wish the mirror would lie
But she is tired
And I am so tired.