Was watching Disney's The Lion King on VHS
Got it from the thrift store for a dollar
When it started up
It was halfway through
That realization made me wonder
Someone somewhere started this movie
But they never finished it
They stopped it
Took it out of their VCR
They never picked it up again
Except to pack it in a box of old forgotten things
I wonder what made them stop it
Was it a child who went to play outside with his friends?
And when he returned
Was he grown with no desire to be a child again?
Did he find a better movie to watch?
Or did he find the movie boring and never bothered with it again?
Was it a Mother watching it while feeding her baby?
Did she leave to get more food?
And while she was out
Did she come across the new and improved DVD player?
Did she find it on sale and thought it must be better than VHS?
Maybe it was an old man reliving an easier day when he was younger
Was it the last movie he watched
Before the paramedics stopped it
And took him away to his final resting place?
Was it his daughter who took it out of the VCR
Placed it carefully in its casing
Put it with all the other VHS tapes she found in an old box
Gave that box to the thrift shop
Where I inevitably found it and brought it home
Why was this VHS forgotten?
I can't sleep, again.
I've tried everything; pills give me a hangover, white noise is just that. Noise.
I have to try to find a rhythm in it even though there's intentionally not one
And what's THAT noise? The thuh-thump thuh-thump? Is that my heart beat?
I wonder if I could count all the beats.. oh great. I thought the thought. Now I MUST count them all..
There's blue and red light.
Ambulance. Someone's in pain.
I'm also in pain. My whole body hurts.
And it feels funny. There's an itch on my arm. I have to scratch it.
I know if I get my body in just the absolute PERFECT position, I'll sleep like a dream.
But my hand is wrong. It'll be better if I put it this way..
No, that's not right either. And my leg is itchy. I have to itch my leg really badly.
And there's a car pulling into my parking lot. I wonder who's in the car. Is it the noisy neighbor above me?
I wonder if they know how loud they are.
Especially since it's so late at night.
Oh yeah.. It's still night. I'm supposed to be trying to sleep. But I'm still not in the right spot.
Maybe if I adjust the pillow.. no.. I felt better before I moved and now I'll NEVER get back to how I was...
Shh.. do you hear that?
Oh that's right..
I hear Him call to me within the rush of busy streets,
ever so quiet but very much there
He speaks to me
Wonders where I am
Tells me that I know better
I know where I truly belong
He tells me to come and stay there with Him
So vast a place, so much to explore
So much still left unseen
"Come with me" He says "I can take you home"
He pulls on me when I submerge myself
The feeling of comfort
The caress of the water as a reminder
Remember feeling weightless
Just floating with no gravity
The deeper I dive in
The smaller my problems seem
The farther away I feel from the chaos
He keeps me safe as I float
And watch all of my depression and anxiety
They sink to the ocean floor like rocks
I must heed His call
Or risk being lost to the chaos
Forever keeping my eye on the horizon
How can this be?
He and me?
Am I dreaming?
Will I wake soon to find it's not true?
Have I gone mad and made it up?
A mere figment of my imagination?
Or maybe he's the crazy one!
Does he even know what he does to me?
He smiles every time I'm near
But what if it's the smile of a lunatic?
I mean the Joker smiles doesn't he?
And Harley Quinn is just as crazy
That's it! What if we are BOTH crazy?
Well then we'd be a perfect match, right?
Please don't wake me up,
Or if I must
Please let this be really real!! ❤️
I live on my own
I make my own way
Pay my own bills
Yet you still consider me a child?
Me, who has moved out on my own?
Me, who has moved entire states on my own?
Do you still not believe?
Why do you insist I can not make it?
Can you not see I'm doing just fine?
I pay my own bills
I make my own money
I've gotten so far in life
And at such a young age
I'm very proud of myself but..
Why can't you be proud too?
No, I didn't go to school
I know that's what you wanted
But I'm already so far ahead
Nothing will stop me from going farther
It's been a while
Since I last saw you
Where have you been?
What have you seen?
What crawls through your head
That no one can understand
Not even me?