Just saw a man carrying an end of times sign
Said we'd all be finished off at a quarter past nine
I figure before all hope is lost
I'd better do some things I've been putting off

Like the house could use a fresh coat of paint
Will that leaky faucet fix itself, I tend to think ain't
If that man with the sign knows this is true
Then I don't have much time to do what I need to do

I need to have the oil changed in the car
If the worlds gonna end it won't get me far
I should also send a letter to Mom
In case she hasn't heard what's going on

I've also been meaning to learn how to play
The electric guitar...hope I'm not to late
If the end of the world is really what's going on
Then I'd better hurry cause I haven't got long

Guess  I'll cut the grass that's knee high
Trim the bushes so in the end the place will look nice
Of course I'll have no neighbors around to blame me
For not having the best looking lawn on the street

I should wash the dog...the best  I can figure
Though we'll be long gone outta here his smell for years will linger
I've got to hurry cause if the end really does come
There's only a couple hours left to get it all done

Dear Friend...
At times I am afraid for you
That your hiding from the truth
In the words you constantly use

Dear friend...
You dig deep in your soul in what you say
Instead of giving the pain a home
You need to give the pain away

Dear Friend...
If you'll permit me here to say
Your worth so much more than "the you"
That your poetry portrays

Dear Friend...
Hold up to the light the words you wrote
Try and shine a line or two
With a tiny ray of hope

Dear Friend...
After that is done I think you'll see
That what you thought was lost
*You only set it free

I took my wife out hunting
It didn't work out good
She missed all of her targets
But she shot up lots of wood
She couldn't hit a thing at all
She tried to shoot a duck
She sneezed and dropped her rifle
She put two holes in my truck
The decoys, they got blasted
Instead of five I now have three
She was aiming nowhere near them
She shot them, and killed a tree
Other hunters scurried
They were running for their lives
None of them was dumb enough
to go hunting with their wives
She came out wearing makeup
For the photo op she said
I said that will not happen
Unless you've got something that's dead
Forty pounds of pine tree
And a dozen more of birch
Are the trophies she'll be mounting
Up on the fireplace they'll perch
She almost took a ranger down
She mistook him for a goose
He gave to me a ticket
Saying...this girl should not be loose
He said the only kind of hunting
That she should be around
Is in the fish shop or the butcher
Where she can hunt it by the pound
He took us from the woodlot
With our trophies, shot up wood
He told her never to return there
And made sure she understood
He then turned and he told me
That it would be real good for my health
If I ever brought her back there
He'd shoot me dead himself