The fuzzy blue blur from my childhood has come to haunt me
I first saw him when a happy meal was filling
Seeing the cookie for the first time had me mesmerized
I was entranced
It was great and sweet with a bitterness that I could not yet swallow
I would call for Super Grover to save me when Cookie got too crazy
Shoving cookies until I cried and vomited
Touching me like I was nothing more than an unfrosted gingerbread man
There were far too many nights that I couldn’t signal for Super Grover to save the day
Soon I stopped signalling
Losing all contact with the outside
Cold days were plentiful and I sat outside because I knew that inside meant that I would freeze
Outside meant rain, wind,chills, and hands so cold that they felt like they were burning
Whereas inside had heaters, dry clothes, and my body frozen in terror
Shaking in fear or shaking from the cold air outside
I knew that his cookies were poison on my tongue but rationalizations got the best of me
I forced myself to believe that he did as any other childhood figure would
Eventually he started to feel more hungry as time went on
A hunger that no cookie could satisfy
He wanted innocence
I was his unknowing prey
And I allowed for mine to be slaughtered
His filthy claws stuck into every piece of my skin
Moving my young soft hands he would make the most inhuman noises
A howl as he went for the ****
He went from a symbol of joy to showing the second part of his name
Monster
Nobody could know
This was my burden
Because I had allowed this
Because I knew something that they didn’t
That they couldn’t
That the Cookie Monster is still a monster

No movement, thoughts, or heartbeat.
By all standards I should be dead
But I'm not
I'm full of worries and anxiety
Full of expectations for the worst
These are what keep me alive, and **** me.
I can't move for fear of judgement
No thoughts in case of differing opinions
Heartbeats are forbidden because someone may hear and they can hurt me from there
How can you expect me to smile when all I see are others like me, zombies, living ghosts?
All I can see is their pain and I can feel it, it's all that I can feel besides my own anxiety.
How do I live when I'm not afraid of dying?
And how the hell do I stay when all I want to do is leave?!?
I don't want to worry.
I don't want to be sad anymore and I can't have anxiety about my life.
If someone doesn't save me I'll die all the way.
Except this time it won't be because of my demons it'll be the cause of the absence of a protector.
I wasn't meant to be saved.
I wasn't born for good things and this is it.
Goodbye.
But don't worry I left a long time ago and you never noticed

Don't cut,
my dear.
Without blood,
how will you blush
when I hold you?

Don't hate
yourself.
You've nothing
to loathe.
Especially with
me beside you
every step of the way.

Don't pierce,
my dear.
Your heart
has taken
the arrow
too much for
the skin to
take the needle.

Don't drink,
my dear.
I'm sure
your lips
are intoxicating
without it.

Don't cry,
my dear.
I would prefer
that your eyes
were clear,
so I could give
the gazing
they are overdue.

Don't laugh,
my dear.
I may live
because of you.

My sister was born everyone acted like it was a party.
When I came around it was a funeral.

She only wore pink and bright colored clothes.
I wore black skinny jeans and gray sneakers.

She goes to church every Sunday.
I stay home and eat Pringles.

She dates boys.
I've dated girls and boys.

She listens to Ed Sheeran
I rock out to Sleeping With Sirens

She wins awards at school and everyone loves her.
I get called names and my friends have all left.

She draws pictures of flowers in a notebook.
I draw scars on my wrists.

She is perfect
I am flawed

She's an angel
And I'm
Not

But I will never be like her

I'm bisexual
Or "bi"

This doesn't mean
"Wants *******"

It means
"Sexually attracted to my gender and my opposing gender"

I love boys and girls

This doesn't mean
"She can't make up her mind"

It means
"I was born bisexual"

I just came out

This doesn't mean
"Attention seeker" or "just a phase"

It means
"I'm just now feeling comfortable enough to tell you"

I'm bisexual and really proud of it.

It means that
"I don't care about the haters and I'm happy with who I am."

decided that I want you.
I need you to breathe.
When you're gone I feel like a fish out of water.
Misplaced and deprived of the only things I need.

I never needed him.
He wanted my body.
You wanted all of me.
I didn't want to give him any of me.
I want to give my all to you.
But you're not ready.

That's what hurts.
But I can wait for you.
I will until I'm just a rotting corpse
Love is a waiting game.
Waiting for someone to stop loving you and waiting for someone to be ready to love you.