when i think back on all the girls i’ve dated

i’ve noticed very different interests now than what i saw in the past

one was very religious and demanding

one liked to get high and drunk when i really didn’t

the second one ****** with my mind too bad

it was almost every time i messaged her she was high or drunk

and the only thought i had was “is she really meaning the things she says?”

i still remember when we'd stay up til 3 am messaging each other talking about music

now i can't even bare to look in your eyes or even say your name

the shirt i gave you probably smells like cigarettes and alcohol by now

you always told me to slow my words down so you could understand me

but maybe you didn't understand what pain i was trying to explain

half of my summer consisted of sadness and cigarettes thanks to you

i know what you did to me because i was there on the other side of the wall

while you were with the guy you didn't know, i was sitting at the fire being warmed by it and not you

(J.A.)