cycle
rinse cycle
rinse and repeat
repeat offender
offense defense
defender of the light
light of my life
life without love
love will break you
you will break me
me, who am I
I am just words
words thrown together
together forever
forever doesn't exist
exist is all we do
do you want to
to exist somewhere
somewhere secret
secret is safe
safe in your arms
armed forces
forces stronger than love
love
love
love
love
*love

The bass makes me weak.

                                      All I knew
                         was that I wanted to know
                                 e v e r y t h i n g

                   about you.

Caress the inner corners of your mind, with mine.

Hold your hand
               as if to learn
                      something new
                                        about myself.

Second period— I only knew what I had heard—

you smiled, eyes twinkled, brown met blue.

Never had I been so grateful for assigned seating.

                                                       ­                               You never
                                                           ­                              would have chosen
                                                                                                                                     me.

Our whispers became muddled by “shhs”
as others tried to hear the teacher
over our l a u g h t e r

this was my favorite part of                                              us.

But here I am
                   in over my head,
out of my league.

I can’t remember ever not wanting

                                                        ­                        you.

But there you are,
                    sharing your heart with her.

I thought that year would never end.


I never left your side.
We talked every night.
I hope you don’t  mind,

                      I

f
   e
   l
l

                     for you.

I’m sorry I’m so inconvenient.
I tried to be what you needed.
You only wanted a close friend.

They say,
that a girl and a guy cannot stay friends because one will eventually fall for the other.

“Eventually” came quick with you.


The bass makes me weak.

You were the
f
i
r
s
to break down
           the walls
                         I cowered behind.
unclog the arteries
                                                       of my
                                                   w i l l
                                           and
                                   beg me into
                                   e
                                    i
                         ­          n
                                   g
You tricked me into believing I was worth knowing.

We fit like two words in a crossword puzzle—

not obvious at first but it makes sense in the end.

You know me better than I know myself.
                     I have dreams
                                                          ­                         that play
                                                            ­                hopscotch
                                       ­                         on the corners of my mouth,
                                                          ­                  when they see you

they float.

                                                         ­           when you smile

they fly kites.

The bass makes me weak.

I almost lost you, twice.
Due to
           tripped up tongues,
                              too much waiting,
                                                & “friends.”


You can’t use that you never knew as an excuse.

The bass makes me weak.
You never even gave me a chance.
The bass makes me weak.
You
make
me.

the distance between you and I was
                          the distance of our proximity to
                          our emotions—

                                       I was too close.

You fall for girls who don’t want you

I’ve convinced myself that’s why you haven’t fallen for me.

I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels

And how I wish you’d been there
To see the looks on the faces of people who don’t know me
Who didn’t even care

But there I was with blisters
And when they asked if they hurt
I quietly shook my head.
And I hid my tears in my hair,
Because there was plenty to soak them up,
And there was no other use for my curls at the time.

But I climbed a mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels.

I know you watched me from the bottom,
And I’d wished so badly that you’d come following behind
Telling me I didn’t have to do this by myself
Even though we both knew I did…
If I ever wanted to be happy again.
If I ever wanted to love again.

So you didn’t chase me…
You didn’t.
And I know why.
I guess it was enough to know that you were watching
It was enough until today

Because watching isn’t the same from that far away
I think there was a moment when you thought I was happy
With someone else

But a smile isn’t the same from that far away
And I don’t think you saw the number of times I looked back
Trying to find you
Because this boy wasn’t you

I think there was a moment when you saw us kiss
And yes,
We did
But kisses look different from that far away

And they were never planted anywhere special
Like ours
This boy and I,
We planted them in rocky places along the edge of the mountainside,
Where nothing grows and no one will stop to admire them.
They’re already dead today.

This boy,
He found me on the mountain yesterday
In my favorite pair of heels
And I’d wished I hadn’t hidden so many tears in my hair like that
Because it looked limp and loose and ugly.
But he said I looked pretty when I cried,
Even though it broke his heart.

He carefully took those heels off
And softly caressed the blisters
I could tell by his face he knew that I hurt
And why I was climbing
And why I was crying
And why I knew I couldn’t make it all the way up there,
All alone,
To the top of the world

So he scooped me into his arms
And whispered so many wonderful things
I think you thought I loved him, because I smiled a little, sometimes

But he carried me farther away from you
Until I couldn’t see you anymore

But it shouldn’t have mattered, because we made it to the top.

We should’ve been at the top…

But I missed you still…
I don’t know if you ever knew that.
But I want you to know that.
And I wish you could hear me say it:
I missed you.

The boy left today.

And I don’t know why I let him run away with my favorite pair of heels.
Well.
I didn’t let him run away with them.  I only meant to let him take them off...
It’s impossible to get them back now.
I don’t think you know yet what those heels meant to me,
And why they should be important to you.
But I will tell you someday.
Because it is important.
And I think you should know.

My feet hurt.
And I really don’t know why I tried running that day.

Maybe I didn’t understand what it meant to just wait for a while.
I think you know I hate that word by now.
But I do.
Which is ironic.
If you think about the conversations I have with you.
Where you pick my thoughts like cotton
And leave me empty, telling me nothing.
But I don’t really mind.

It was a mistake to leave my heart down there
I forgot to pack it before I set out to get over it all-

-I’m looking for you,
You know.
I left my heart down there for a reason,

And I’m just stuck now,
Dangling my feet over the edge of the world,
Scanning the bottom.
Wondering where you went off to.

Sigh.

my mood(ring)'s
                               been
             black
the     past       couple
   ****      days