you've got me sitting
alone
in my room
listening to the music you like
trying to figure you out
trying to decide if you like me
if you want me

my mother says
"he probably doesn't know either"

and i'm frustrated
because someone has to
someone has to understand
and i don't
and i have to
i have to understand
you're a puzzle i can't solve
is this something i'm doing to myself?
nothing is as analytical as i need it to be
your tones of gray are confusing me
and i can't find a way to organize
the things you say to me

but to say i don't enjoy the task
would be a lie
because it does, in fact,
make me feel alive
i want you to want me,
that's very true
but it won't be easy
to convince me
that it's okay to want you

I could be silent all day
many are;
and write of silence
like an old girlfriend
or old boyfriend
friend being the silent part

I don't want pretty flowers
or jewels from distant lands
nor a glass of sparkling champers
as we eat in restaurants grand.
I have no need for riches
nor to lay on foreign sands,
I just want all my clothes ripped off
by rough and eager hands.

Do not unwrap me gently
like fragile, precious gifts,
please tear and break me open
with your teeth and passions kiss.
Don't take me to the bedroom
to conform in cotton sheets
as beds are made for comfort
and not for what I seek.

These walls are made for leaning,
and the table aims to please,
this carpet made for placing
stinging burns on hands and knees.
Or take me to the garden
make me scream unto the sun
and roll me round in morning dew
until the deed is done.

Take note of these instructions
and my sweet spot you will find
You've followed them a thousand times,
though only in my mind.

Why do I feel so empty
I have what most dream of but I feel hollow
I'm trying to see in to myself it's like looking through a hole for a key
I think it's locked me out sorrow
Because if I don't know what's making me sad
It will only bring more sorrow
It's self presavation and I can't get mad
It's my self that put me in this position
I get so angery to know I hold the key
Me and my inner me are in a Juxtaposition
But the bottom line is its all on me
Cause I'm a result of every thing I've thought
And all I'm thinking is I'm alone
But its something that life had taught ,me
That I am alone
I have been forced to distrust on sight
I must see your true colors in that light
I would like to know  that it's alright
I think "can I trust ?""you just might"
To put what little faith I have in to someone
And that faith is abuse from day one
Or two Or three
I think "there playing you can't you see "
"shut up you always do this,
no matter who I'm with "
"I do it for your welfare,
I must make you know no one cares"
"But this one might let's give them a chance"
"***** what you saying" I didn't even take a stand it fueled my like a lance
I thought he was right no one pays thought to my story
And the ones who do leave in a hurry
I'm so lonely