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This morning I woke up crying. It's strange, this has never happened before. I went to bed last night feeling numb, thinking that, this was God's way of helping me control my thoughts and feelings. I thought I'd continue to feel numb, until you were sure of what you wanted.

I didn't feel numb this morning.

The reason I'm sad is not because you may possibly be falling in love with someone else but the fact that you might be falling out of love with me. There's no question that we both care about each other and that we both would like nothing more than to make each other happy, that's who we are as people.

I have fun with you, I trust you, and I'm eased by your companionship.

My phone made an alert sound and I was instantly over filled with joy. In that brief second that it took me to pick up the phone, I had imagined that it was you saying that you still loved me unconditionally, and that you were sure that it was me, that it had always been me, and it will always be me.

It's okay though, I'm just sad. Just like how you are unsure and because of that you are sad. I've been praying, hoping that this time in our lives is happening because it will make us stronger and wiser.
That in the end, it will just make us love one another more.

I've known for a long time that I have been losing you, I can't say I don't blame you for becoming uncertain and distant with me. The truth is I have no idea who you'll end up being in love with. All I know is that I still love you and that I'm not quite ready to give up on you.

I can wait for you, forever, and I think you know that.

Everything is okay though. It hurts us both, but it's okay. In the end we'll know. I know you dislike long texts, I was thinking about writing all this down in my journal instead, but I really wanted to share my thoughts with you. I figured, what's the point of loving someone if you are too afraid to express your thoughts and feelings to them.

So I'm expressing them.
I love you.
These hands, whether cupping the curve of my breast,
Or cradling our daughters' head, as you lay her down to rest,
Are my great delight.
I will drink at your lips,
Delight in the urgent pressure of your hips,
Lightly trace your self designed tattoo,
Breathe the strong and musky scent of you.
I will fall into ecstatic moments,
Lose myself in hair and scent and skin,
Your body, your mind, your own but mine,
I worship what's without, and treasure all within.
Thinking hard about you
I got on the bus
and paid 30 cents car fare
and asked the driver for two transfers
before discovering
that I was
alone.
"You're cute!"
jumped off the walls
of the ally
"Except you're smoking
a cigarette so now
you aren't"
unbelievably
my spirits were raised
till she stumbled
into a car
with a drunk
driver

if there is a
crash
I hope she becomes
a
survivor
Daniel Magner 2014
I want to be perpetually drunk and/or preoccupied so that I wouldn't have to think about missing someone, or finding out that I have no-one to miss, at all, so that I don't have to be conscious of people and their reactions towards my everything  (because actually, I am rather afraid to lose them). I can feel every one drifting away to a place where I have no slight intention to go onshore.  I wished I had no memory of memory at all. It's rather tiring.



I have so much anger in me that cannot be washed away by late-night whiskey, that I whip myself senseless even when no offence was taken by anyone, that a constant anxiety of my mediocrity which floods over this miniature seawall of mine, inundating my mind. I am a body of sadness that no-one bothers to comprehend, anymore. Everything is already reflected in my uncertain calligraphy, those lines of varying thickness, a corporate perfection.


Sometimes we don't really have to burn bridges.

Neither do we know how to mend them.

"It's too hard", they said.
"Why bother?", he said."
"Don't care", concluded she.
1.  Sit down and cry. Cry until you have no more tears and don’t even remember the reason for your sadness. Realize that nothing, not even misery, is permanent.

2. Close your eyes and imagine your dream home. Don’t skimp on anything, not even the tiniest details like the doorknob or the lampshade pattern. Keep it always so that whenever you are somewhere heartless and cruel, you have a retreat.

3. Discover a song you love. Listen to it as loud as possible, listen to it as softly as possible. Listen to it backwards, forewords, sideways, and upside down. Extract from it all the truth and magic you can until you’re sick of it. Repeat.

4. Try and realize who your real friends are. Not the ones who will smile at your jokes and laugh at their own, but the ones who will walk with you even in the darkest of nights and never have to reassure you that they’re there.

5. Cut your hair. Cut it as short as you can without making your mother cry. Recognize that when someone says they don’t like it, what they’re really saying is that your appearance is for their pleasure. Know that it is not.

6. Choose a day just to watch. Watch the wind whispering to the trees, the grass reaching for the sky, the clouds hanging on by a thread. Make eye-contact with the moon and see that everything is watching you back. They’re rooting for you.

7. Learn how to make your favorite food. Learn how to make it exactly like your mother does. And every time you taste those familiar flavors, know that home is wherever you are.

8. Draw yourself. Don’t look in a mirror while you do this, draw yourself as you truly think you are. When you’re finished, take a photo of yourself. Compare the two. Realize that how you perceive you and how the world sees you will always be different.
It's
bleeding rain,ripping through and
dripping out of the sky again
anyone got a
bandage?
...and Noah sails off in the ark....laughing insanely.
Strange strings of thought.
Thoughts of loyalty and love,
thoughts of friendship and of ambition
and my condition;
thoughts of submission of subtraction and addition.

Unravel the secret of the continent,
oh how you are persistent.
The road uncoils and I uncoil down the pavement.
Off i go.
Twisted days of golden glow.
Off I go, into the black hole
of the road.
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