Nothing lasts forever
In this world today
So many words lost
Between us
Nothing left to say
You keep looking for answers
Never questioning why
Seems to be a rerun
With every tear we cry

But even tears will dry up
When it's been too long a time
Between the highs and the lows
And this bitter hill we climb
But nothing lasts forever
Not even the strongest chain
When it breaks and lets you go
You'll be free again
From everything .....but the pain!!

It was a nothing day
In a nothing week
In a nothing month
All just part of a nothing year
And as I was sitting there
I came close to saying
All part of a nothing life
In my fit of morose overdose
It was too close
Then I pushed back the plate
Of a non - descript meal
In a non - descript cafe
Where eating alone in
Just added another layer
To what couldn't get any greyer
As I looked out the plate glass
I could see straight through
My own reflection
A fitting end to a  " Hey" I said
" Well what do you know "
My reflection gave me a smile
As the first flake of pristine snow
Passed through it .. as if to say
True reflection isn't seen in the glass
Its how you see with appreciation....
                           .... the inner view
What you let pass right on through ....
                            Or what.....you hold on to.

I've held onto
that memory now
for a long long time.

I    have.   Been
living like a madman  sinking
deeper and deeper into myself
Is not...is not ..is not...
...where I want to be
No No ...nonono
But it's where ...its where
..its where I find myself
No body seems to care about ....
....the things I care about now.
No body seems to really even
wanna wanna wanna even check it out.
So ...I.... am ...on .. a...
.... On ...A ...train to the next station. Looking for my own correction
So i do hope I do hope I do hope
That when I get there
there will be
A big ...A big selection
cause, I'm tired ...oh so tired
Of the same ol same ol same ol things that I've been doing.
And I got to be somewhere
Somewhere where  there's...
... Something else brewing....before
Before I leave here, if I don't
If i don't make some kind of
Some kind of sense to myself
Well .. Then I might as
Might as well stay right here...
Inside myself ..inside myself
Because Im not going to find
Not gonna find the answers...
Anywhere!
If I don't find ...
The questions in here !

The day I told you how I feel
I look back now and it's so unreal
That such little time...
... Could make so great a change
It wasn't more than just by chance
I became a victim of this happy circumstance
Even now - I wonder how...
... a life so quickly can rearrange
Things now up were so far down
Freeing things that were once bound
So happy now as it can be...
.... exploring all the places it now can range
In this world that I now see
Stretches so far into Infinity
That three lifetimes.....
... Would never be... Enough time to see
All the things that it can now contain
But I will happily explore
Beyond the curve thats up ahead
Or what exists through that unknowm door
So walk with me down this winding lane
I will do all I can
To calm your fears - all your pain
Keeping  you safe and always warm
Thru lightning strikes and thunder storms
I'll keep you dry or walk with you...
... and always laugh at the way
You look...
...First time that we took.
a walk together ...
....in the falling rain

The day you told me how you feel
I look forward now to just how real
It will be... when time takes time
To let us see.
.. A reality
  Time and patience... will open up
Once we are ready
To hear and .....
.....To really see

And feel whatever....
... we will feel
Whenever time
decides to .......break the seal
On whatever it has
That it has.....
.....to reveal

Putting out the money
Going to buy me a line
Paying for my funeral
20 bucks at a time

Gonna burn myself out
A form of self- cremation
Ashes to ashes... Scattered
Among the Genesis of my creation

If you are using
What's doing the using
And what's being used

If you are abusing
What's doing the abusing
And what's being abused

If that place where you exist
Keep shrinking day after day
And seems to be something you missed
Even though it was sold off every time that you pay

Understand that this is no lecture
Just tidbits - hints - observations and lessons to me
Pulled out, up and in as conjecture
Expanding those Horizons with moderation as the key

I believe avoiding all forms of addiction
Is like trying to catch Moonbeams  in the palm of your hand
No prediction needed to predicate predilection

No excuse...
But the speed of that which we produce
With addictive qualifications
Could rival the oceans ability to produce Sand and Gravel
Wave upon wave just churning it out

Then when...
The whole mess turns into big business

Again I have to wonder...
Who's being used and who's doing the using
Who's being abused and who's doing the abusing

Too often too many find their last hope
Was all ******* at the end of the rope

Understand me... Don't...
Underestimate me!

The morose sense of guilt
Felt
In those times when least expected
Reappearing as if neglected
To reassert itself
As an ever-present pain
An open wound
Often forgotten
But never gone
Like the reflection on a TV screen
The lighted window
Back behind and in the mind
Disturbingly present all consuming
Even looming...
... to proportions
Of unbearable distraction
Gone without notice...
....UNTIL....
...that very second
that you realize- it isn't there
Then it is
To suddenly reappear

Far beyond the imaginations
Ability to comprehend or defend
We often find
That place where past and present
Often collide and bind
Themselves into that
Which is never sought...
... never forgot
Something you paid for but never bought
That lesson learned
That you wish to God
you had  never been taught

The world split open
And the tears poured out
Love all around me
And it's all about
Things I know
Things I see
Things that are going on
Inside of me
And I look
And I see
And I feel
What I feel... What I feel
Its all real really really really really real

Doors will open
Doors will close
Life has its highs
And life has its lows
The course of a river
Is the course that it chose
And it keeps on living
As long as it flows  ....
And it flows ....and it flows ... And it flows
On and on and on ...it goes

Slide back
The swinging  pendulum
That's tied to our lives
Swinging too fast for many
Not fast enough for some
The time soon arrives
With ringing  bells
And singing chimes
The minutes tick away
Like so many other times
It's now another day

I may have a procrastination problem
So I'll give that a bit of thought
But I'll do it later
The other day someone called me an agnostic
And I told them"I doubt that"
Now I need to look up agnostic
I'll do that later
Someday I'd like to try being an instigator
But I'm just not very good at starting things
I could become a deligator
Then I could get someone to instigate for me
The city split the alley behind my parents house
Between the adjoining neighbors
So I fenced it down the middle
Then I put in a gate....TOO LATE....
..I'M THERE ALREADY. I was an alleygater
Apparently I need a job
I've too much time to think
I had a great job a little while back
Out in the country
Green pastures -fresh air
All that most peoples lives lack
1000 acres of a sheep ranch operation
I loved it-so flippin peaceful
I'd go back with absolutely no hesitation
But alas...nothing good lasts forever
My third day as we moved the little lambs
From one pasture to another
My job was to simply wait by the gate
Keeping count as they went by
They were nice but they let me go
Because that count I tried to keep
Every time I got to 15--TOO LATE--
You guessed it .... I'd fall asleep

So yeah I do need to get outside
Of my house and my mind
And I know its bad to procrastinate
Thats why GOOD politicians
Are really hard to find
They all seem to be -for the most part-
Extremely dedicated LEGIS(doit)LATERS
AND THEYVE GOT A JOB??.      REALLY!!!?

I guess you could say
I had to get away
From the way words
Had began to grate...
......of late
For we seem to have entered
A season without reason
Where simple lies
Multiplies
Revealing just how unfeeling
People can be
So much so so much
Hypocrisy
Total insanity seems...
... To have slipped in, ripped in
To the very core of who...
... I used to think we were
And it never did occur
to the me I used to be
Before I had to look... Into the eyes
And accept this new reality
So I took myself out
And closed the door after...
... I locked myself in
Where i decided to start
A season of art
Climbed out of the web
And then ...when
I have the blues
Its somethig i can use
To make lakes or skies
Or lovely eyes
And for a little while
Pretend ....i put an end
To all the ugly hate and bitter  vile
Because i got so tired
And being uninspired
by those who seek
new lower lows
While shooting holes
In their very  own Souls

Falling short
In all long term endeavors
Accepted long ago
How the sharp word severs
The tenative and the cautious
The passive and the pensive
The hopelessly lost in battle
No truce calms the overly defensive

What love beyond
The treasures mount
Of sailing winds
Or spewing fount
Past pure Blue skies
And pristine eyes
That see inside you
Like second sight
What universal wonder
And excitements await
To assist your memories
Those yet to come and
Those still to touch
What dog will be there
awaiting  your reunion
On what eternal spaceship
Will your sights behold
Those things
Your fingertips have yet to touch?

I'm a walking contradiction
A ****** without an addiction
Creating my own brand of fiction
Somewhere along the corridors .....
...... in those annals of my mind
Somewhere along the way I invented
A way to have things permanently printed

And make sure that they are tinted
Into those colors that only I can find
As Long As I wear my rose-tinted glasses
  
So I can say I know it's true I saw it in print
Therefore I'll have credence Lent
It's wrong I know - truth was never ...
......my intent
My only cause....
...... was to manipulate
..... those who are willing to spew forth the hate
.
Roaring out the rhetoric
With foam dripping ... from frenzied yipping and yapping
And in this state of snarling- snapping
Smashing and clashing to be first out the gate

That's how you get the fanatical radicals To all work as a pack
Mad Dogs loose don't care who they attack
And no one can move forward....
..... When everyone is too busy watching their own back

Some people
Spend their lives
Wondering who they are
Always in
The back of their minds
Is the thought
That they'll.never
Get to far
How can they..Ever grow
Into themselves--learn to know
Who they'll be  -- or ever see
Who it is -- that does the seeking
Without seeing without being
Not knowing the familiar voice
Of who it is that does the speaking

Some people
They never do realize
Just how often
Their own minds...will
Tell them outright lies
But if they're happy --really happy
Then just let them be

You know how hard
How hard it was ... Admitting
Just how unwitting
That you were
Always to defer..infer...incur
The wrath of inner doubts
Your own inner injustice
Voices that you hear
Voices that say " Trust us"
How hard the knowledge is

Then let them be
You may envy
The ones who never know
The ones who never grow
Who are just satisfied
To be who
They think that they are

For once you see yourself
You may not retreat
To doubt yourself then
Is a self -- motivated defeat
A surrender - a call to ignore
A sense of the familiar
Sought in a world of strangers
And in running from yourself

You seek out all the dangers
You stumble  -  fall - hear yourself call
Ignoring it all
Knowing who it was -  that you heard
Who it was  who it was ...
.....That you heard !

What is seeing
Without vision
Or Hearing
Without comprehension
Can one feel sympathy
Without compassion
Or passion ...without
Dealing with the doubt
That always ........seems
...to come along
Saying
Somethings going to go wrong
Something Something.........Something
IS GOING TO GO WRONG !

Then you find yourself
Holding back as you wait
For the impending attack
Of DOUBT
To the point
That you lose sight
Of any hope...
..That could be....
Inspirational
But that beast is..
..insatiable
Once it finds a way inside
Where it then
Starts to screaming
Until that sound becomes
The ......only.........reality
So consuming
Like a shadow
Blocking out your view
Always..looming over you
Making everything you do
Seem like its
Just another rerun

That's when many
End up .....walking out ...out..
..Out the door
That is an example
Of the way
We always trample
All over our own vision
By ...accepting
Failure
As an alternative decision

But .... You know
As dark as this all sounds
I actually find failure
Is a companion
I always rely on
Like an old familiar shirt
That I always try on
Knowing
That it won't fit
Then.....and only then
Can we really move on
Trying on those new shirts

That are...Once acceptance
Is realized
As the path to victory
And is just waiting
To be seen with vision
And heard
With comprehension
And compassion
For the you that....
...you've Just left behind
That is how ......You fail.....
........To SUCCEED .

As if it mattered
When the reflection shattered
And the multitude of pieces scattered
Upon and all about my pristine vanity
Some will refrain and ultimately abstain
Aye from testing my future sanity
And so those who strain to reach the drain
Will not be among those hidden Vipers
That will patiently wait to draw my blood
So no matter the sweep or vigil I keep
I will not manage to ultimately succeed
As nothing's as hard as that loathsome shard
Whose only goal is to gouge my sole
And feed upon the blood I bleed
So without doubt will come that night I Scream & Shout
As that will surely be the future I have in store
When a tiny Silver sliver will deliver that punctuating wound ...and I believing little....
...dime size spots of blood all the way
Across that bathroom floor. .

I look ahead and what do I see
As it is ....approaching me
The future of all mankind..and it is...in a bind
.......coming unwound and ...
....is now sinking fast
into the distant waves
Of time.... as it rolls past
And I am bound ...by fear
To this place I stand ...surrounded

By all that I once knew ..
All that I was going...to do
.... before it was too late
But now I seem to hesitate
Chalk it all up to fate before
It has a chance to implicate
ME
ALTHOUGH
it is not any real surprise
How long I failed to recognize
The panic that I saw ...whenever
I looked into my own eyes
As they became as clouded as stormy skies

The light that fades I tried... to ignore
But now I can clearly see ...
That those waves of time have
Managed
To somehow catch up to me
And I think I always knew
I would never get to do
All those thing that I had planned to

So I must accept that ...
it was ...
.more than enough .

...Something so familiar
seemed to be hanging
just outside my periphery...
like an annoying honey bee
Suddenly I popped up
from a languid moment
of heat driven exhaustion....
knowing something
had to be done.
So I grabbed my official hat
out my office door I...hobbled along  
due...to... my left leg being asleep
"wake up you fool"
I muttered as I angled
past the front desk
where
that new deputy stood playing on some little box
"Is that an IPOD?"
No sir! what's an Ipod ?
never mind
just keep people off that bridge
till I return and tell you different! Is that clear?
Yes sir Danial...uhhh chief ...!
Good now get going.

I got to go talk to the D. A.
then out I went to the most oppressive sept heat seen in decades

"NO! No way! That's not possible!"
You think so...? the chief asked
well just look out there in the streets.
Where are the kids-
home studying for school when it's still 2 days away?
Raymond Frazer D.A. for Upton county + 2 more back in the hill country.
"I am...de...
doodlytermined
so you coming?
"Yeah chief...but just to prove you...
can't and won't
overstep your authority."
And who would determine that? Judge.... Willoughby?well let's go see what he has to say then.
If you can get him
to approve your overreach
I won't say another word!

Hello Judge my dispatcher call you?
"Yes. She did and ,I must say...lunch?sure ,but it sounds like a walk down memory land lane
We might as well! gonna get some good bbq and cold beer out on the hiway.
10 minutes.
We will pick you up
after you get done with Betty Lou

oh and write this on a sheet of of cardboard and post it. .*** the judge chuckled
be there to pick you up in a jif.

Who's Betty Lou? And where we going now?
Find that Deputy of mine give him a special assignment.

County ordinance or 2
So ....
Technically
we were trespassers
By all truth of right, wrong or law...but
No harm meant by the rules
we bent
MAYBE...
Telling too many seemed the major flaw


That overbearing, solar flaring, heat streak
summer of desperation turned inspiration
When seeing people instead of watching people
Gave me different ways of creating separation

From what I see and what I'm shown
What I'm told and what it is
I actually hear
What I say and what I truly believe
And how somethings really are...just as they appear

Amazingly enough this cyber shift implosion
Crashed thru the outer me
careening around within my fragile core
While crouching down in a clump of bushes
Staring into caramel brown eyes of a girl...who was
Just as naked as me

It blew through town back then  like a hot dry wind on a July day
When people were melting like long stick candles   bowing
like an emissary to a King
In any window where the aftenoon sun shines bright
As it is
magnified...like the stupid cruel rumor

A rumor that a farmer broke a water main while plowing

Literally what else would it take to break
That fragil overbearingly irriatatingly ******* monotony
that held the midwest
American small towns dying summer that
year
a near-death grip
Except.... maybe...if
the rumor had
turned out to be phony

The trail of misfit cars, pickups, motorcycles rolling North
must have looked like the jailbreak/ carnival parade it was...that
seemed to gather stragglers like a magnet gathers iron filings
Soon on saddle bank road 120+ kids
Naked and as innocent in the fact...
That one might think that today was the day
they were born and in some ways...
they were! Fully fledged
in exodus
from the womb
of pure monotonous ladened
claustrophobic morality... have way to languished hedonistic daydreams

Static groups of slow-melting apparitions
Unaware uninspired unintended refugees
Of homes...
of family...
and abject boredom
of that sad summer of high petrol- low crude performance and
Summer jobs never blooming and now... add a drought.

As the final Saturday wilted on the absentee mind
Before the Monday rises to drag them back in...
...to the ritualized killing of all who found
The looming tedium  of lessons and tests
unbearably cruel to have school begin its pull
Without ever even having a glimpse
Of the dying ghost
of a summer break that never was.

Until...that steady drone
rose from a distance
Those 90cc pistons
spitting hope as its frantic echo
Seemed
to somehow announce
from 3 miles away
"help he's killing me!"

Razer was making that hybrid bike scream
then...right down main he came shouting thunderously
But to no avail...
....as every word
unheard...
undecipherable

"...daughter shake
bigganake
common shop..." was the word that ppl heard....

...then it died
PISTON ROD took off over the barbershop
Headed for the moon

Razer stood over the smoking carcus
Spit on it ...kicked it... then saluted it ...
Before saying hey common nowz its flowing and growing
Quicker than quick ...
and that was how summer came to a glorious end.

with a ten acres puddle
Water spraying 30 ft high and by gawd we took to it like
butter to hot biscuits.
until that is
the cops arrived!

And we all run to hide.
.. so here's where
I started this tale

Shhh.. I said
to this *******
beside me
Flesh-colored and glistening ...
We better stay put
you know...
... till it calms down
Hey!  I don't believe I've ever seen you around...the town before...
do you live here... in Braeden  I mean?

We just moved here
she said.
Hi, I'm Joy-Ann Hope
And she surely was at that!
  forever  ...well
Until I changed her last name and she became Joy-Ann PAYNE.
HEY IM NOT TO BLAME
9 MONTHS  later we
met a little girl
named Summer Dawn Payne!

We know all that Daniel...but you cannot expect us...the DA and Chief judge ..not to mention members of the school board and...
Shut that up Judge Willoughby...
and be Mickey Willoughby and Ray Ray ...not D.A.Frazier for a second so you can remember.
Think back 38 yrs and how that line of dried out ,dusty, forlorn kids suddenly came alive that day ...the horns honking, bicycle tires spinning and Ol Joey P ...rest his soul on that horse of his as it clattered along the concrete and clopped by the lead car by galloping along the grass shoulder.
Beat us all to the puddle and I will never forget what we saw when we got close
Him and the mare neck deep ...ha haha ha Yes. Joey P and Nantucket Grey were good people. Rest in peace old friends.

Okay ...the heck with it say the judge mickey to the sad moment of revered silence ...I'm about ready to retire and as I recall that day now I realize 1 thing
Crystal effen clear now
I saw Mary Hortons ...uhh Who that day..and that I somehow got old.
I'm sold Chief ...Sorry, Daniel what do we do?
Well Ray Ray County DA what do you not have to say now?

Just Question guys...shall we go get a tractor or sledge hammers?

Oh come on guys this is the 21 century and I am chief of police with ... well army surplus courtesy
of the fed gov and everything we said we would fix when we got "growed up"
Maybe today we help the next gen or two know what freedom really feels like.
Ray .. call the sheriff " little Bobbie Jones " and tell him
- and them-
to stay the f away.
Judges order.  
Hope wins again.

Inside each and every personal decision
There lies an opportunity for revision
Unless you step across it like a line in the sand
To continue on with a path not planned
So time creates opportunity to accept pauses
But only for those who have a love for the lost causes
Otherwise we seem to be lowering the drawbridge
In order to push out everyone who has true knowledge
So that those lies we've told ourselves matter
Will be enough when all future hope begins to scatter
And the four winds carry away  all sense of reason
Anyone not agreeing with self-destruction is guilty of treason
And although the Defenders stand ready at the ramparts
Does not mean an enemy attack is in the star charts
Whatever way you thought you could actually forecast
Went away the day you decided to step past
That opportunity for revision - that was your line in the sand
Before the spark of insurrection you purposely fanned
Why then do you seem to be now so altruistic
Without accepting responsibility for plans so unrealistic
There were signs posted all along that narrow highway
You know the one you denied was the way to ruin by delay
So what is it you in your hour of need plead for
We shut out yesterday now come  to batter  down the door
While getting burned by the warnings that you spurned
As false warnings of those who studied but never learned
That which you swept aside never breaking stride as you did your best to have your narrow thoughts applied to all who resisted that you insisted was what God enlisted you for .. to ensure that we were all to do

So if that really was what you know to be true
Why is it now that you need us the expendables
To come to the aid and rescue of you  who even now won't accept that ..

.... YOU WERE A PACK OF FOOLS!!

All human Frailty
Becomes manifest by extension whenever obligation
turns aberration
By way of
" I guess I forgot to mention"
giving halt
to all
default...
power sources
involved in the Ascension
whereas  before hand
they might stand
as some slight
unintended redactions
Unfortunately
Now tosses doubts
into even
those best of intentions
where a simple word mistake
WIll often dictate
a change in course
A new Direction
simply by means of a tone or inflection

Although it's not
because
of something  one
Neglected to mention
but by the tack we take....
..
Or didn't take
By Tone or inflection
that turns
Some words
into that double edge blade
of apprehension
  Whereas
one can understand full well
what you read
With full apprehension and comprehension
Or you can be caught- arrested
By anxiety, misunderstandings
or fear
Simply by how you apply
according to each edge of the blade
and how you accord each one
Apportioning
a value
according to the power
granted to each
.

"According to some- to whom I have great Accord
The View ...
that the sunset affords
from the rooftop Terrace....
is something
that we cannot afford .....
....to miss"
..

I don't know why
I always seem to be
Willing to...
.. look down on me
When I know that i deserve a break
From a past that I can't seem to shake
So why
Do I allow
This feeling to rule me now
That I have come to the conclusion
THAT
All it does ...is add to my
Complete confusion
Turning my reality
Into an Ill-fated illusion
Where I believe
The things I see
Are all  my life was meant to be
But now I'm tearing down the wall
Gonna breath free air
Air ..air ..air
Fill my lungs with more than dust
Rub from my eyes all of the rust
Shake my past
From off my back
And cut myself.....
Cut myself ....a little slack.

Just my fate
to live in a state
Where things are so...
.... backward
That the mirror view
Is a forward glance
And backward progress
Is no difference ...from a forward
Advance

It's not really part
Of the Bible belt
It's just below
The buckle
And right behind the zipper
Been here......
...most of my life
And though it has tried
From time to time
To become a smidge hipper

So far ...
It has been an absolute failure
Even though we reach ...out
To touch the tiniest shadow
Of the Color filled wonder
A state of bliss ..a state known
As Color.....COLORado.....

Though the chords are severed
And the fingers no longer
Are doing
Their earthly strumming
I will fullfill the promise...I made
Before you departed , and I stayed
To set up a life there ,and in your memory
I say my fate lies up in the Rockies
.......hold on ....I will soon be coming !

a trace of me (will be)
moving on
powerless  ( against)
the rising tide
pouring over me (as I am)
washed out ( where )
nothing is nothing ( and )
totally incomplete (is)
the inevitable outcome
that led me .....
right from the start
in futile search (I am )
gone without notice
facing a future ( of )
expanded consciousness
even in the garden of inspiration
dark days
color my  world
Chemicals (keep)
burning bridges
been here before
beyond the boundaries
beyond a dream
standing at the edge of tomorrow
( wondering )
Do I even exist ? (is)
my collection of rejections
my alpha and my omega (has)
the restless rider (been)
resurrected
rising above
spinning a timeless tale (along)
the fine line
echoes of my silent world (across) 
the valley of infinity (so)
whats the difference
where do I fit in ?
I am but flesh and bone
Human
hoping I never find me
Evolving
every way I can
drawn in - dragged out (now)
Dialing back in  (to what is)
A Different world today

Ascending into perdition
On a mission of sedition
Where I leave no stone unturned
That will be my value earned
For I seek A lost disciple
Who suffered for a trifle
Not understood by the multitude
Of the self-righteous lost in their own platitude
Beyond blind to the depths of their misconduct
Helped to stand by mass command of  hedonistic construct
Where they seem en masse so willingly to pass
Judgement on outsiders they feel a right to harass
Preaching a perverted compilation
Piety based on their own obtuse creation
One side to show the ones they need to bleed
While with the evil eye they rely on what they read
Written on the converse.. a curse to show their vile
Inhuman and ungodly greed they need to constantly defile
That very same piety they launch like stones
To turn all  eyes downward and into drones
They do not seem to believe in that they seek to imbue
Sacrilegious illusory meant to ..

Bend the mind of......
The...True Believer

So I now seek my own mortality
Those lost pieces of what was once a sacred reality
Where I held myself as less and slowly fell
Like a decapitated mortal slowly I was dropping myself into hell
So now I am in full command of my soul and my vision
For I have gathered the pieces of myself I let them plunder
While caught in some hypnotic spell I fell under

Because I believed ...
... I was unworthy

Now my eyes are open wide
I clearly see they no longer even seek to hide
The mockery and hypocrisy they constantly heaped out
As they held themselves anointed by claims of the pious and devout
While they stand looking down at the mass and the mass confusion
By all that they claim we should believe - that is illusion
My eyes are now open to see they are the deceivers
The tables turn for now they should burn... because...

... I am now... A True Believer.

I've seen
In your eyes
A light - a hope - that I
Pray Never Dies
For it is aimed
At me...
... With tender loving care
And as mellow as
An Autumn afternoon
And it warms my heart
My everything
Like a blazing winter fire

That gaze reaches out
And wraps around me
Like a gentle breeze
Or like the beauty
Of a summer sunset
So it is with love
And my deepest respect
That I tell you
I am aware of
The love you share...
...with me
Whenever you look my way
Just as I do with you

I don't know... if mine
Shows as much
But it's there just the same
And it will never ever fade
No matter...
No matter what tomorrow brings

For I've seen

If you look upon me
As if... I am your rock
I believe that - someday
I may be ... Good enough
To hold you
To support you
In all your shaky times
Shielding you...
Building you...up
If you're ever in Decline

Everybody needs something
To get them through the day
A prayer?
A bottle
Or someone to call
Just to say   "hey...
How are you?...
... I know it's been a while
... Remember? ... When we...?
... It always makes me smile
... I miss you or I love you
... I'm sorry we lost touch
... So much... Has happened
I don't know where to start !"

If you look upon me...
As if I am your friend
Then I believe - someday
I may be just the thing you need

To shelter you from the storm
To welcome you with wide open arms
Into where it's... Always nice and warm
So if you look upon me
As if I am
Just who and what I am

Then I will always be
Everything ...
That you will ... Ever
Need me to be
If you look upon me...
As if... I truly am your rock.

Down here
Where I find myself
Whether knocked down
Put down ...
... Or sadly let down
By others or by myself
Is not the relevant issue
Upon which
I gently lay my concerns
As any endeavor
Should get the true value
Of anything that it earns

That should be a given
For
If my thoughts could be read
Would silence still spread?
Being passed on to other venues
Sometimes double the appreciation
Which gives me pause upon reflection

I need no parade of accolades
Or ego fires to be fanned
I'm fully capable...
... I'm standing up for myself
Just sometimes - it's nice to be offered a helping hand

The news of late
Seems to amply relate
The quandary...
... so many wrestle with
In fixated perspicacious denial
Of just what happiness means
Serenity.... Viability ?
Financial security...solvency?

While what matters goes unsolved
Because we are ...so involved
In seeing only the success
They express....not the stress
They repress for us..
..the adoring public...

Caught up in our thinking
That we wish we were them.
Perfection in the reflection
Of the lucky ones who have it made.

So why do so many...
...take themselves out
When they could have stayed?

I do wonder...where we all would fall
Were we to seem to have it all
The life that they attain ..that persona
they maintain
That no one...it seems  
can really see beyond
It too often doesn't dawn
Upon...me

To notice the human strain ...
....the common pain, that we see
so easily in each other.
I never saw it and I am so sorry...
And will miss you, Anthony Bourdain.
Farewell..Brother.
May you rest in peace .

I used to live life like I was a freaking holiday
Now I'm being dragged down by knowing that I'm just another Working day
Working Day
Working Day
Just another working day

My eyes open in the morning and I see that is just me
Punching my time card
Punching my time card
Punching my time card

When the hell --where the hell
Was I
When I fell under the evil spell
An evil evil evil spell
When I sold my soul
And my body
My self-control..and didn't notice
How everything around me
Had just gotten so **** shoddy...
   ........ AND SO.....
...I really really really want to know
Where the hell did I go did I go
And I didn't ..I just didn't know
Didn't know didn't know
That I had been pushed down so **** low...so **** low ...so ****** low

So **** deep in this freakin rut
That I can find no way out
The paycheck never makes the cut
Just enough to pay a few bills and buy some more doubt

When  the vast horizon swallows up the Setting Sun
The Setting Sun
The Setting Sun

And normally that would be a Pleasant View
But I just noticed something...
... that I never knew never knew
Never never never never knew
That  Setting Sun and the horizon
To which it just went behind

Is really just the upper Edge of this ever deepening rut
That I have found myself in --and so once again
I have to wonder when I quit living like I was a freaking holiday
And how I became just another working day
Working Day
Working Day

So then... lower my horizons...
....or raise our **** pay.

The open source
of my open sores
Is the reason why
  my open soars ....
...come so far and few between these days

IN  so many ways ...so much
Is being lost ...without fair value
for the price it costs
and no reason exists ..in the midst ..
..of all the turns and twists ...
...for not attempting to displace - replace , erase
OR EVEN EMBRACE
whatever grows from changes
From what is seen.... and by how one rearranges

Or even exchanges
ONE THING from another
One Another for another ...or another
for the ONE THING we already had ....
.....all along!

Living...flowing...ever knowing
GLOWING
like the wingtips of a flight-bound Dove
In shadowed effect of a sun-backed vision
Silvertipped and golden tinged ...glowing as hot as the sun
Without threat of being singed

Immune to the effects of latent remorse as a source
effecting the continuation of any open sores
that might reflect upon my own ability ...to take flight
IN MY EVER EXPANDING FREEDOM AS MY OPENSOARS

This is the story
About a young man
Who is taking his first steps
On a journey he began
Through time and changes
And Illusions  of love
He's been burning  bridges
All on the run

Never seems to care now
That he can't return
And never realizing
Too soon he will learn
That you can't reuse
What it is you burn

Chasing shadows
Illusions of love
Always seeing something
Just above... the horizons in his eyes

He just keeps on chasing
Shadows in the night
But there can be no Shadows
When there's no light
By the way that he stumbles
You"d swear he was blind
But it's just that he can't see
Beyond the darkness
Of his own mind

Running Blind
Never to find
What it is he's looking for
Running Blind
So unkind
That he will never ...
...Know the score

Burning Bridges
All behind
Too late to turn back now
Burning Bridges
All before
Now there's nowhere to run to....
... Anymore

Running blind
Chasing Shadows
Leaving pieces all behind
Walking through the rubble
Of twisted broken time
He sttumbles on  through
While....
....Still running blind
Too late to turn back now.

I passed by some memories
Along the trail of my life today
I didn't say a word
or even ask them to stay
I just kept moving on
It's not that I have any sad regrets
That make me feel I owe some long past debts
The past is exactly what it will always be
Like a flower encased inside solid glass
you can't smell it or touch it
But it can always be seen

So call me sentimental
call me hard as steel
call me non-committal
Or what ever you will

Nothing said outside of my mind
can ever reach so deep as to find
what I dredged up a long long time ago
  So go ahead  say what you will
Or what ever you  feel you must
You might even find the very thing
me and myself never found to discuss

It could even turn out to be
What could be the exact key
Allowing me to stop dredging up
some sad past regret pretending to be
Just another memory
So maybe this time while I'm down
I can scratch fresh earth
Dredge just enough to plant a seed
For a long overdue rebirth
Then even if I find that it never did exist
I can at least cross it off
That sad , tired and timeworn list!!

As they move
Like the shifting sands
They cast their shadows
Across new lands
Creating fear ,mistrust and hate
Warring against our ways
To which they just can't relate
But they're here ....
               ......Here to stay
The best we can hope to do
Is to try and keep them at bay
And they're wise ....wise to our ways
Our very technologies
That they use as a maze
Isn't that ....whet they've said
That they hate
Our long standing freedoms
That allows us to create

And they will win
If the shadow they cast
Puts the light out
On that flame made to last

That flame that was made to last
Till the very end of time
That name ..stands for freedom itself
So if we just give it away
Its a shame..its a shame

As they hide --dug down deep inside
As they await the call
The call to end it all

As they eat our foods
And they watch our t.v.
What do you think they think
About what it is that they see

Do they try ....try
To even suppress
A smile , a laugh or a tear
Do they think..as they reach
For a cold drink
How nice it is to have it so near
Or do they ever--really think at all
Spending their lives.....waiting
Waiting .. On that call
To end it all
That call ...call ...call
They want us to make
Where they want us to break
Those promises ...promises ..promises
That we've made,  made,  made
MADE TO OURSELVES

Back ......back before ..
The shadows fall
Back ....when we thought we had it all
Way back .. Before that shadows fall

Thats when.... We thought
We had it made..made ..
Made made made made MADE!!!
Made in the shade.

Hey you
Who raised sanctimonious
Erroneous
Viper blood spitting
Reactive element
Awaiting contributions
Vitriol
That you all
Provided even though
It must have collided
With those Christian values
You once made me
Believe
That you truly possessed
Never could I have guessed
How far
Values have digressed
I see no compatibility
Humility or the ability
To cultivate compassion
So in my heart of hearts
It will be just another ...
of  those things...
We're so short of that we will have to ration

I passed the overrated cause
In search of humanities
more basic laws
That opens doors
to all of those
be ...leaving souls
that want to pray
and to do that... with out controls
Long before all time
Eventually
Falls away

As  it is then
we will find
That we all....
...have feet of clay!

No judgments rent  
Not up or down
No false reflections ...of
..what IS   to   be considered
As sacred  hallowed ground

Someday we may...be able
    To ...find a way
and  leave!
all destruction behind

But for the present time-
KING OR PEASANT
all WE HAVE
is
the ground ...we stand upon
As WE ALL a-wait
What is to become OUR fate

in the darkened halls
We  stand  
Where judge meant
will emerge
To demand
an answer WE cannot give
As to how...IT WAS...
... WE chose to live!

Will it be THE RISING SUN
or the flash that marks the end
by the sight of the brightest light
as a signal that WE need ...
...no longer fight?

It will not stop at the doors
Of those who stand on high
Or at the walls
Of seclusion

IT will not pause
Or obey OUR laws
with all their flaws..
...for .as with all things
THIS too will reach... its
final conclusion!

Not will it wait
Allowing US
to   change    our   fate
IT will only BE
What it was  that   we   chose
AS Our Destiny...

..Without
A SINGLE THOUGHT
AS TO HOW IT WAS
that we   FAILED US...
that  WE.... failed....Uusssss!!!!

It was over - long before - it was finished
But I held on - because I always have hope
So I held tight to the very last thread
And did my best - to ignore - what was never ever said
No words can ever silence
The screams I hear inside my head
Trying to convince me that I'd be better off dead
But I know better than to listen to that
It's just the reaction to a feeling of loss
I told myself it will always get better
Don't sweat the bridge - until its the time for you to go across

The other side is just what it is
Not much different than the place that you left
So what you need-to get some kind of new perspective
Is to keep your eyes open and your mind on your new objective
Moving on means you're leaving something behind
But you knew that long before - you - ever even thought it out
Confidence doesn't make acceptance any easier to comprehend
There  is always going to be some doubts
Associated to the beginning of anything that you end
Regrets will sooner or later fade into the scrapbooks of time
Where you keep what is now done and gone
Just like the darkness is always replaced
By the emerging light of each and every new dawn
Although sometimes the night seems like it will never end
If you just hang on - and persevere - you will find that your fear ...
....was all in your head
And it wasn't YOU that the echoes
Were saying would be better off dead
It was the darkness of regrets
The eternal nighttime of doubts
And the ability you developed to ignore
What was never ever said - all that
And the bridge that you finally crossed
That was what the echoes pounded
             into your psyche
As they bounced off the walls of your mind
             SO...
Let go of the thread - hope was always
The only thing you held onto so tight
And it was all you needed to get you
Through the long dark night
It was over-long before- it was finished
But I held on- because- I always have hope !!

Those appalling words
Just keep falling
Liquid lies ....seemingly
Without end ...emote

From that cavernous portal
Tumbling down...from
Heights imagined as.....

More grand than any mortal
EVER
Before or after
Will ever be equal to ...

This ostentatious ungracious... ......sacrilegious mutation

Sending out RSVP invitations
To the party to end all parties

A  last look to see whats trending
Then an all-out assault assigning fault
Before  defending the ending
As his legacy.....
....And his greatest creation

BANG