don't ...
Don't!!
I said DON'T...
..you..look at me...like that.
I'm tired of it.
NO!
No!
Yes.. I know
But..it takes time
And I always feel
Like...I don't have any left.

Stupid as that is...
That's the way of it
The black and white
Stark view..no grey of it

Who...
Who gives a...
...second thought
To what..
What..what..
First you were taught!

I do..
I do...it's true
Much as I like ...like..
The ability to lie...
..to myself... l'll be okay
And if I'm not....well..
Hell!
I'll just lie about that too!

It's not that I don't know I'm lying
I know....and then I think...
..that    i   know!
And then it happens ...always
A distaction
By the real world....
... around me!
Ihaveto rememberto getback...ba...
Back to work...daydreamer!!!

Come on says the fat man..wearing a necktie
Managers haphazard shirts..and
Belt soooo tight  " god that must hurt!"

"WE NEEDED ...those fries " he squawks in authoritarian strain"two minutes ago!"
I know...i know .....

Backward steps
are sometimes...
..the bracing
Necessary!
to ready ourselves
For.....
... .that next forward step  
Into the stiff wind
Of opposition!

Push it back past
the starting zone
Leave it there
where
it can be all alone
Nothing gets past
The wrecking ball
In the futurescape
where
we have it all
What time will that be....
      ....when all the second's count?

I'm trying to reason
But can't get any comment
Of return interjections
Or objective renderings
Tries too hard to open up
that second tier of dreams
Used up that first one
Trying to weave a web
That then turned out
To be
much more slippery than it seems

Lost every resource
to the whims of vanity
Blew past the nervous guards
At the border of sanity
And that's where I pushed it back
Past the starting zone
And left it there
where it can be all alone.

Came to a point
where I was lost
On this long **** journey
Through the valley I crossed

Dangers lurk in ev..e..ry
shadows dark depth
a repast of pasts overt reactions
aware of my share of..
...short-lived attractions
I stumbled along the rutted pathway
Sloshing through the thickened mire
Of fallacy and morality and ...??
...All that has borne such sad inactions

In climbing up the valleys edge
I find my wearyness weighing down
The shattered frame of mind
Where I fear as I  get here....
How much of what I want to be or
Once hoped to be is scattered along ...
            ....the trail i left behind.

Came to a point where i was lost ...
                    betrayed by ....
      this backward swing of time.!

I ain't looking
for no instructions
no friendly faces
or interdictions
I'm not in need
Don't need your adorations

From now ....until
The end of my incarceration
"No need to utter ...cluttered inanities
Like how 'you FEEL me!' "
GRRRrrr..ain't no way
that that can be!

There is no words
that ever will free me
From this restless soul being ...
...that it would seem....
            ....I am.... deemed...
to be!

I remain ..the constant ....
...intermittent  
That endures the missing time
that time takes away from me!

I ain't looking ...for no instructions ....

"Why am I walking in circles?"
Wait, I've heard that recently...
...or have I said that before?
Am I walking around in pajamas?
Well ...pajamas and a robe that's better
Better? Better what?
Better me than you ........Okay Samual
I hear you ....
.....where you hiding ...Is mom and dad home?
Where am..." Why am I ......
why am I walking around in circles?"
Here come those people ...I'm supposed to know them
They like it when I smile and nod
I've seen them before .....!?
Why am I walking around in circles ?!

If I look through your vacant stare
I see way past what wasn't there
Back when all the dreams
Had butterfly wings
And filled the air
With the kind of hope
That is so rare
So many lives spent
In dispair and disrepair
In futile search of the one
Who will really care
So now I hate how easy
It is to see what isn't there
When I look through...
.. your vacant stare .