i dont want to have to remember
the love i could sometimes only see in your eyes
i don't want to have to remember
your soft sweet hands,
the shape of your fingers,
the lines in your palms,
your finger prints
i dont want to have to remember
how your fingertips felt on my lips,
how fast your heart beats after we grasp eachother
like we may have to remember eachother one day,
squeezing eachothers body's,
lips pressed together so hard our teeth scrape.
i don't want to have to remember
pure skin on skin
that ****** moment
my puzzle piece
how we fit perfectly
without a care in the world
i don't want to have to remember
my name flowing out of your mouth
a sweet song of your love to me
one single word long
i don't want to have to remember
sweet "i love you's" and "you'll never lose me's"
searching your eyes for any feelings
in your once black, dieing, soul
don't make me remember
who we are.

My favorite memories are here, with you
Riding in your car
One hand on the steering wheel, the other in mine
One eye staring at the road to keep us safe
The other can’t resist looking back at me
With love

Your voice sings loud enough to cover the radio
Notes above and below pitch
I’m a critic, but I don’t mind
Because you’re mine
You’re all I need

Consistent trips to an overpriced coffee shop
Caffeine runs through our veins
Caffeine mixed with a four letter word
One that drove our actions, our words, our hearts
When we were still too afraid to say it

I first told you here, where my favorite memories are
Because it is one
Though it isn’t perfect and romantic as I’d hoped
It’s our memory all the same
When my fear of that same four letter word was lost
And my fear of losing you replaced it
I had to tell you

I sat there quiet, refusing to look at you
And when I did
I just couldn’t help myself
Whispering softly I said it
And my whole world changed

Suddenly it was different
Love existed because you and I existed
And in the midst of fooling around
In an empty parking lot
In your car with the radio off
I told you I love you

I feared the worst in that moment
Until you tilted my head up
So that my eyes would meet yours
And you smiled
And before you said it, your eyes did
And I knew you loved me
And then you said it
Pure bliss

I never knew such a feeling existed
It was different than I’d imagined
Better
It gets better every day
Because each morning I wake up
I look at the picture frame on my nightstand
The two of us staring into each other’s eyes
With love

Each morning I wake up
I fall deeper in love with you than the day before
Cliché I suppose
But with love
All the clichés begin to come true

There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do
To make you happy
To see you smile
To hear you laugh
To feel your lips softly caress mine

With love

Why is it when you enter a room, I'm not the first you see?
You scan the room and always last your eyes will fall on me.

You make me feel invisible, as if I'm not really there.
Would you notice if I left? Or would you even care?

Why is it when you look at me there's nothing in your eyes?
But when another comes around your attention seems to rise.

For just one day I'd like to feel like your eyes were only on me,
And that even in a crowded room I'm the only one you see.

Why is it you seem so interested when others are around?
But when It's me who seeks your attention it never can be found.

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to take this pain.
All of these feelings and insecurities are driving me insane.

So why is it you don't notice that I'm sad and miserable?
Probably because every time you look at me I'm still invisible.

I really need you
But she
Needs you more
Go
And say goodbye
For me too.

"I had dreams"
this phrase scares me,
because its always,
the pretense,
to nightmares.
Horrible nightmares,
of things that
are real,
never fake.
Sometimes I wish,
my dreams,
were of silly things,
like imaginary monsters,
or little,
irrational fears,
but they aren't.
My dreams are filled with horrors done
to people I know,
children I know,
and love,
being abused,
and in my dreams
i'm frozen,
and I can't move.
I'm forced to watch
the little boy and girl,
no more than three years old,
get beaten,
and screamed at,
by an unknown force,
in a dark corner,
in an empty room,
and i'm in the shadows,
watching.
Their screams,
echo in my ears,
terrible screams,
but my mouth is sown shut,
and my eyes,
forced open,
and waking up,
is no relief,
because I know,
that those dreams,
are not to far,
from reality.

the worst part of any wound
is receiving it,
don’t let anybody
lie to you,
including
yourself.

the pain is only as bad
as the knife
is sharp
and
while
you think you’re never
going to forget,
you will.

faster than you’d think
you’ll start filling your head
with new thoughts
of the new adventures
you are having
and the new stories
you are writing
every day.

so don’t let pain get to you,
if you don’t die
then you will
get better
and the pain will pass soon,
it’ll pass quicker
then you could
believe.

enjoy what you have
when you have it
and when don’t have it anymore,
take a deep breath,
close you eyes,
and really let it
go.

it’s a whole lot easier than
you ‘d think.

It's been colder in my bed
without you here
I have no arm around me
no hand tangled in my hair
there are no good night kisses
no good morning tickles
bathtime is routine again
no more water fights to be had
afternoons are spent alone
no spontaneous sessions of love making
(I'm sure the apartment below
is quite thankful for that)
-
basically
what I am getting at
is that I miss you
and I hope to god
you miss me too