You walk with your head down
I follow with my eyes closed
I think my happiness produces a sound

I am sitting on a ledge in the median of the hallway
my back to a wall and a book filled with heartbroken poetry sitting upon my lap
timed perfectly, classes let out and I am alone in my happy place
as the world races on around me
I look up for a moment, my eyes are drawn to crossed legs and tan heeled boots that make that "clicking" noise when I walk
Its loud.
But it makes a subtle rioting statement and I feel powerful when I walk
I turn the page
the next block of classes begin and the hallway returns to its peaceful state
it matches my thoughts
I continue on my tranquil journey in a book of another girl's pain, sorry, love
Ironic.
the time betrays me
sadly I pack up my belongings, gingerly stuffing the pages into my bag
And then, six months later, a boy in a black, orange and white flannel, who I know all too well
drifts past like a phantom in the wrong dimension
I don't notice him
his hat was on backwards
he finally grew out his beard
and I don't know who he is
until his gaze traps my body in his eyes
I don't know him, so I don't notice as my mouth forms into an almost not quite smile of nonrecognition
but he watches me. and I get up to leave
a second of hesitation I turn the corner too late
he's gone

house of lions, cave of killers
pacts in blood, souls signed over
give me pardon, pass me up
cast me from a towering throne
turn my back on a kingdom
hardly valued more than bones
built on turned coin
the backs of its people
little more than dust

My mistakes are unintentional
But I then commit
And my recovery is deliberate

Snow cloaks the ground, lies coat the truth
lights on the front porch, tomorrow's forecast is dim
here we can pretend that I understand
what it is you mean as you say
don't wait up for tonight, or the nights that follow next
or even future days
the weather won't stop changing
and my life's written in seasons
of ever turning, never-ending
snowy revelations
where I'll put together pieces
set aside the springs
before I cast out, no,
catch my every fall

Here we are, a new match
Going head to head
New opponent
Same arena
Fists long gone
The bruises stay
Knocked down in the second round
Sucker punched
Testing combos
Left hooked
In the chest
Oxygen deprived
Land another hit
Create the only stars I see
Men, they fall
Make contact
With the mat, maybe
Wrap my hands
And this story
Let's see how long I last

losing grip in this relationship
we've covered a lot of ground for a pair that lacks traction
heat, sure, we're made of nothing but friction

maybe I miss you
but if I'm honest with you
I'm too busy to be lonely

I'm the queen of take out.
Let's take turns using plastic forks to stab at fried rice
that ends up tossed casually into overflowing trash bins,
You know all too well I'll neglect to take them out
I guess it beats the alternative as
eating out is overrated, not like we could decide anyway
we aren't cultured just because you greet me using Spanish
so we leave it be
I'll regret never leaving, and you can hate me for hanging on
but you'll have to face me from across the table as you chew to avoid conversation

ten shy of the century mark
ninety decades, four generations
four stages away from healthy
where did the first three go?
two months to fade
one moment to take, it takes forever
Hoping for three, God give me *one

sleep is for the week
a fortnight is never strong
in fact its too weak

my love's found in the moment
where there's sunscreen sprayed in the kitchen
sticking to the hard wood
of sprayed fumes in an empty house
where bodies abandoned
in favor of kayak boats
that may or may not float
once, no, twice patched now
confidently ****** from the ramp to the water
at a run down marina
chosen over the serenity
of the murky swamp solitude
but my love doesn't stay put
the creek, she follows
but turns where streams diverge
away love goes on course, off path, of course
love took off from the launch point, left me in her wake

they say to give in secret
and so I do
you say I'm not giving
it makes me sad
when I do give
and you praise another
for my hidden efforts
you say I don't give
but I'm giving in
to self doubt
and I'm this close to giving up
so if that's not giving
then I don't know what is.

The things I whisper to myself:
You are not entitled to my thoughts
You have no jurisdiction over my actions
You cannot control my emotions
and yet,
I have to apologize to myself in secret for apologizing to you out loud.

I look forward to the day you leave me
because your love is the white lights in this tunnel
that slowly fade to orange
I remember when you co-signed on our talk show relationship
but now you're being demoted from co-host to cameo

a pebble off the road tucked away in the grass
where the water never relents and the rain just plops down
it cries out to no one, it watches from afar
knowing it will never be stepped on, it's face remains hidden
maybe being kicked from the path was for the best after all

sweet things always hold out
but salty things will always do
that's why I liked popcorn
until they made kettle corn
now how can I possibly choose?

the absence of kind words hurts less
than the presence of harsh thoughts

You were a balloon
and I was a kite
living with only the sky as our audience
You, a balloon
overcoming obstacles,
fueled with motivation
propelled up, ever so effortlessly
I, a kite
awaiting a breeze to guide my motion
powered by wind and willpower alone
Nevertheless
we conquered clouds
free to roam, or so I thought
rather, free to float
until my string ran out
I remained tied to the ground
as you continued to rise
looking down at me from above
darling, you could only go up
nothing could be done
as I watched you go

sought in concept form
she of attention darting
someone often dotes

the problem with accomplishment:
when my whole day
is her equivalent
of two hours

suede black flats ***** out the buzz
of the microscopic pest swarming around me
it took three tries before the car door
became a molecular ****** mess
the body splattered abstract blood
extracted from an unwilling, unknown "donor"
And yet, I sat unscathed for the remainder of the drive.

external stand alone thoughts suppressed
in hidden chambers
while two lungs compress
themselves into misshapen vases
where the pressure comes not from above
but growing in various amounts, needless
attacking slowly through angles
worming its way up through my skin
heart strings embroidered into an array
of emptiness finally drawn out
****** to the surface, the internal exposed
suddenly gone
only to inhale again.

I should have known better than
to bring the outside world in
but I was rash, carefree in nature
and I was naive, careless with nature
and four little eggshells fell
how offputting they lay
where life granting blessings seldom belong
nothing could be done to remedy
three perfect birds to be, gone
and one lofty mistake
left in a pile of goo

damp hair hits goose bump shoulders
perched in the middle
crossed leg sitting
two comforters can't keep company
rain lost to headphones
rest's reign in protest
lulls of forbidden silence
bare skin bears reality
fighting secret demons in the dark
achy joints weighed down
on a queen sized mattress  
gravity has more pull than sleep
is it lightning or digital clocks that
strobe white flashes?

roofless, riding
open air
skirts float up, same with hair
silver rolling dollar sign
loving legs
tanned and crossed

trap me in a song
or perhaps a simple note
scrawl down love for me