Time is finite
Love is not

I told a boy that sometimes
I like to watch a rom com
Or play sad alternative music
And have a good cry
Sometimes I just want to feel something
He hugged me and asked if I was okay
Two hours later he ended things
And sited the girl with the red silk sheets
If I had known
It would have always been no
But I’ll play another rom com
And turn up the music
And cry alone in my room

Its either me
Or everything but

How many quiet corners to hide
I am hallucinating
I wanted to test it
Five days before I felt again

I pick a number
And then I attack it with color
Clean lines but aggressive strokes
Repeat repeat repeat

Sometimes I hold my breath
And squeeze and squeeze until there’s nothing left
To fight the empty nothingness
And create some of it myself
Because cuts turn to scars and scars turn to questions and permanent problems that never go away
To let go means to bare open
All of a lengthy list of insecurities and poor decisions
That I am in the making
So I’m quiet until confident
But falsely secure
In who my words and lips reach
Out to anyone and everyone I meet
Hoping
But instead blindly trusting each and every one to stay
Away they push
Not with passion but
The gentle turn of a page

Someone sat there
Ten years of my life in their hand
And with one finger
Decided I wasn’t worth watching

I am a wildfire
Yet you turn me on just by lighting candles