I build up these walls around you
Securing my feelings and reasons
But once I see you, my true feelings show through
And I thought that I was in a new season

Brick by brick, I build up and up
My wall of avoidance is unbreakable
But your presence and voice give me no choice
To reveal my heart, unmistakable

When you address me at all, my sturdy, strong wall
Obliterates into crumble and ashes
My hearts skips its beats, I look at my feet
And time seems like it never passes

Why the **** do I love you? It crazy; absurd.
Is it the way you are so out of my reach?
I stumble and tumble around you in fumbles
Without you seeming to know the secrets I keep

You can't see me treading these waters
With a shark just looming below
I swam and I swum, but when I got done
I realized that you'll never know

I'd want you to save me from this hell
I'm sure that after I'd be just fine
But when I look around, I've finally found
The blame for this hell is mine

I can feel you floating away
You are the sand grains sliding through my open fingers
Your memories are going out of the window of my mind
You're a fragment of a sentence, not really finished, but you feel complete now
The feelings of helplessness have turned into ones of comfort and acceptance
Real acceptance
The autumn leaves have changed and so have I
I am in a new season of my life
Falling away from you
When I look at you, I don't feel overwhelming anxiety
I feel detached fondness
Like your favorite memory of childhood that is covered in golden dust from picture frames
I see how much I have grown and I know you were worth it
We were worth all of this
The struggles we fought, the time that we bought together
It was all for something, can't you see that?
Even if we aren't together, our time was never wasted
I would not rewind a single moment I had with you
I would not take back the honest love I gave you

I hope you tell her that you love her
And mean it all the same
I hope you make her feel special
And don't confuse her with silly games

Allow her to be herself in your love
And accept her for who she is
Whether she shares your interests
Or just likes to do her own things

Appreciate her for all the times that she cares
When she is there for you
I hope your love is wonderful
I pray that it is true

You are so special and she will know
If she is that certain one
That you are worth her waiting for
That you are worth her love

I hope you believe in her and cherish her
That you will set her heart aflame
But in all of this, most of all
*I hope, to you, she does the same

Please, fingers that point, blame, and condemn
Never point at me
Because my frame spontaneously collapses
Under your harsh realities

Some call it drama, or gossip, or back talk
That invades and clouds our logic
But as many names as there can be
I still just hate the conflict

It's like a virus that sneaks in
From ***** looks and false faces
Until it is suffocating us from the inside out
It seeps in to tight-knit places

I avoid you, conflict, at all costs
I avoid you like the plague
I avoid your lies and suffering
Until you grab me by the leg

You shake me to the very core
Which is why none at all is too much
But the reason I hate you most of all
Is because of you, I tear myself up

So many heroes died on September 11th
So some could live to see September 12th

Songs transport me back in time
No matter where I am I can listen
And feel as if I am in another place

This time it was a different song
I Just Can't Get Enough
The music video is set in Japan
And the song lyrics reminded me of you

I remember listening while I was in Colorado
And you were across the ocean
Visiting your sister in Japan
Two years ago

I imagined myself there with you
And hoped that we would visit together
Sometime after we were married
Perhaps ten years down the road
Like we had planned in childhood fascination

I had imagined us touring gardens
And the bright city of Tokyo
Riding bullet trains and visiting ASIMO
Eating ridiculously overpriced McDonald's
While old Japanese women ask us if we're famous
And practice their English with us

While I hold your hand and gently sing
"I wouldn't want to have it any other way
I'm addicted and I just can't get enough"