I can feel myself slipping back inside where I was
It's a twisted game, to love and be loved
And normally the one who cares less
Is the victor
But I can't help but go back
To look back and think
To feel the same again
But you cut it short
You brought me back to reality
Even though you told me
You were stuck as well
Now I know why I can't believe your love
I can't feel it
You don't talk to me like you do
It hurts when you say goodbye
Like words could separate feelings
And if you are reading this, if you even want to hear how I feel
It hurts

I hate the chase, the drawn out chase
I can't make decisions
I can't hurt people, I physically can't
It hurts me too much
Don't put me in a complicated sitaution
I'm afraid I'll only run away
I am indecisive
I always question myself
Second guessing and ovethinking are my drugs
And I am the enabler
I let myself do it
Slipping into a fantasy, I lose sight of reality and I'm stuck
Stuck in limbo land with myself
Thinking things that aren't true
Things I wished were true
And all I need to get out is to let go
But the high is intoxicating
Blinding, even, so here I stay

It's you that I cannot deal with
You, with your simplistic complicated ways
You, who I could never get a hold of
Who just floated away
You are irritating, you know that?
For someone who is here
You are quite unreachable
Always somewhere else
Thinking of someone else
Never me
Always something else
Looking towards the future
I would go up to you
Go up to you and tell you that when I said "Happy Birthday"
It made my heart melt
I would ask you to save me from the hell of loving you
With no hope of getting out or knowing how you feel
But I don't think you can save yourself
From your own hell
Do you know that I love you?
That when he said to you that I am your ex-girlfriend in front of me
I could barely breathe or speak
And you just replied
"Yes, I know, she is still a really nice girl though"
I almost cried
Yeah, I'm just some nice girl who cares about you more than you know
I can't stop searching and looking for you
Looking for you to look for me
I have never known how to love
someone until now
Loving someone means going through this
Being quiet and caring for them in what ever way they need
Standing as far away from them as possible
Even though it's not what you want
It is the still of the silence that you sit in and wonder about them
About the curvatures of their face or what they said the other day
It is not knowing what will happen, but still holding on to something
Loving someone is grueling, it's terrible, excruciating.
Having feelings for someone, wondering if they are reciprocated
But loving someone also means understanding if they don't feel the same

Stop shaking*
Stop Shaking!
I have my head under the sleeping bag
And an unkown feeling in my heart
Something i'm too scared to say
Hanging on to your every word
I'm so scared
Scared of myself
And how I feel for you
Maybe if I could just stop shaking
I could think straight

And by the way we stood today
I almost forgot
That we weren't together

Love is not rational. It doesn't politely knock on the door of your heart and ask sweetly if it can destroy you all at once.

Love does not take you by the hand and explain all the ways that it will ruin you when it leaves. Love is a powerful hurricane that makes you sit in it's direct path. And forces you to pick up all the shattered pieces by yourself.

Love is a suicide bomber that we invite with open arms with out question to live next to the most precious and sacred parts of us.

Love is the fear that keeps us chained to the basements of ourselves hidden away behind bullet proof glass only to find ourself filled with holes left by cannons

Love is that endless crusade we suit up for. Only to find ourselves completely  naked on the battle field. Bruised and covered in tears that all to clearly look like our own.