how the honey drips down your fingers like it longs for your wrists.

i dont even like honey, but god help me, i love it.

i dream of how it glistens, glitters, gleams.

my body is a temple, almost rubble. everytime you breathe, and give me more, its like an earthquake strikes and i fall to the ground more, one day ill just break.

in a good way.

i want to be drenched it in.

glorious golden hue, sparkling on my tongue.

taking the gift, looking you in the eye as my eyelashes flutter. do you enjoy this? giving all of it to me?

your honey is so precious.

youre so ******* precious. do you think i only want you for honey?
i could do without it just fine, but oh god, not you.

but please dont stop giving me honey, i hate it so much.

i eat chicken, the world knows i do.
my life is a mother hen, punishing me for eating so much ******* chicken.
but once a day she gives me one good thing,
a single egg to hold onto.

i always break it.
one day i received a golden egg she conceived.
told me “you know what will happen if you eat more chicken again.”
i promised her i would not, and i kept that egg warm in a feather bed, staying up till 5am smothering it with love and heat.

the morning i saw the gold flaking off, i cried.
mother had tricked me into eating no chicken.
it was a fake.
i wanted to strangle her, that **** mother hen.
what would become of us if i snapped her neck.
no more eggs.

do i need them?

she tells all her friends about me.
i used her. (?)
and ruined her life
like he did?!?
they don’t even know me, but they know her, so they trust her.

just leave me alone.
after this i don’t want a single friend anymore.

to you breathing.

what can i do to repay all that you have done for me.

i want to plant kisses all over your body, but it is already a beautiful garden, and plant overgrowth is a real issue.

i also dont want to accidentally plant weeds.

i want to save you from all that ails you. i will one day take you and i away to a wonderful place we can only dream of. i will not let anyone hurt you ever again.

you give me so much, i want to give it back. ill kiss the microphone. ill tell you i love you right now.

i hope you heard me.

sound waves enter your ears and travel to the eardrum. your eardrums vibrate those three tiny bones in the middle of your ears.

malleus, incus, stapes.

but i think your melody is taken down to my heart, shaking my ribs and playing them like a xylophone. it whistles through my bones down to my stomach and i feel sick.

i get lightheaded.

please hear yourself the way i do.

it could all end at this moment.
the human body is so weak, i could end it all here at this second.
i don’t know if it’s me being off medication.
i don’t know if this is just the way i am.
and i don’t know if it’s because i’m insane.
i want to end my life. i wish to have my throat slit as it was in my dream.
it was so warm.

its been nearly a year since i finally let myself say goodbye. all i can do is feel guilty every day, like i shouldnt have left you alone, but what more could have been done for you? i was not the person for you no matter what we thought.

it doesnt pain me like it used to, though it sometimes sends a chill down my spine, being in love again but this time for real.

every relationship has to start with me causing a girl trauma.

i dont want to die like i did in august. that was the worst ive felt since you left. can you believe you were taken so long ago? it doesnt feel like its real. i heard youd found someone, but are you still there with them? where do you live? are you still minutes away from me?

i cannot see your face again, or i may faint. i do not want or wish for any answers to these questions, as im not a part of you anymore, nor are you of me.

those memories have fizzled and risen to the sky like embers. fire. flames. what a shame, anything fire related gives me a sick feeling.

birds.

now im with the one who needed me more, who i needed more.

there is no trauma to keep us apart.

and when i kiss her, i no longer think of those days.