Hope and Sadness are evil twins,
Born out of the same egg.
Men undertake endeavours ,
Accompanied by the elder twin, Hope
Guiding men to explore more,
Seek more and sweat more.

Time pass by unnoticed,
And the burden of past starts hurting man's will.
To the blurry eyes goals become chimeral.
Disappearing hope leaves big scars,
To be filled by the younger twin, Sadness.

i lay awake at night
and
listen to the sound the rain makes.
it spatters onto the ground with such purpose
that i can not help but feel jealousy in the pit
of my empty stomach.
the rain knows where its going and where its been.
i wander, confused at who i am and who i'm going to be.
i crave the feeling of certainty.
to know if i'm going to pull the string attached to my lips
and pull it into another forced smile another day.
i lay awake at night and
wish to be a drop of rain.

i’m too shy
to tell you
how i feel

so i’ll hide behind
timid smiles
and soft hellos

i’m afraid
if i ask you

“what do you think of me?”

your reply will be

          
                              
                               “i don’t.”

all of the words
you speak
today and tomorrow
are in vain

for you do not wish
to throw rocks at my window,
you know very well
i am already on my doorstep
waiting for you

you love me in songs played
on tuesday afternoons,
gaps in conversation where
three words are meant to fill it
and faded journal entries
dated when time was blind

you’ve written disguised goodbyes
beneath my eyes
and subliminally (explicitly)
whispered (shouted)
to move on, move on, move on
each moment i’ve tried to draw you nearer,
you do your best to push me further away

but even from a distance,
you are still holding on

let me go
let me go
let me go

so i may finally
let go
of
you

beauty is your heart
not your smile
not your hair


beauty is your heart
not your eyes
not your cheeks


beauty is your heart
not how skinny your waist is
not how big your chest is


beauty is your heart
not what you see in the mirror
but what you should see inside

I don’t want to hate you
Despise you, place you
Down there in the back of my mind
A dark and brooding place where no one but me will find
You, I don’t want to hate you
I don’t want to blame you  
As the reason I have taken sadness as my lover  
I don’t want to lay awake at night
Wishing evil to befall you
I don’t want stay awake at night
Having to constantly fight this feeling
I don’t want to hate your being
I don’t want to be confused  
Wondering what drove you to abuse
The love I had for you
I don’t want to go again
To that dark foreboding plane
Where a horned being asked me what he can do
For me, I don’t want to even take a moment to consider
To let hatred be my Hearts leader  
And yet as I sit here  
I feel it boiling, slowly soiling my soul
Painting it black, turning into a black hole
*******, taking devouring me whole
It eats me, taking away my bliss from me
And so I am left alone
To again trek across this sea of emotion
Knowing that somewhere within the water’s
A monster lurks just waiting for me to slip  
A single moment a like a whip
Coiled and ready it will nip me
And take me, I don’t want to hate you  
In the end you we all must do what we have to  
But I can never again love you.

Solitude is addicting
As my head grows restless
And my thoughts take over
Washing down like a waterfall
But at the bottom
There is no oasis
Just rapids

Madness is inviting
As my thoughts bounce around my head
Like a tennis ball at Wimbledon
Knocked back and forth, searching for a victor.
Like 100 tiny voices fighting to be heard in an endless echo
It's like fighting for calm
In the middle of an endless ocean,
Struggling in the midst and mist of a hurricane
I'm thrown from the sanctuary of my boat
And plunge into the murky waters of insecurity
Drowning in sorrow, mistrust and anxiety.
I sense a calm and open my eyes
Just to be hit with another wave and pulled back under
Deeper than before.