in my own time
there is no more time

two swollen feet
two bad knees can not go far
bad news on bad knees
put more space in the wrong place

karen dalton died of aids
in a trailer
i live

by doing as close to nothing as possible
then looking around for someone to blame

there's a few names written on the wall
who do i think of first
what am i afraid of most
looking around the ***** room

the flowers
broken from the stem
have been vibrantly colored and trampled
on the sidewalk for weeks
withstanding days of passersby,

a despotic government in town
and citizens so filled with their jodi arias kind of love

knowing nothing of
their coming gulags
or how they can only fail

because the dumb mob is the city
the streets of the city
the boarded up windows of the city,
the defunded police department of the city,
the shattered glass of the city and the ****
in the streets of the city

it is only important to who might as well be no one,
but not to the men who will never be men
but not to the women who will never be women
and definitely not to the men who will never be women
a generation hated from all direction
failed before they even began, they will never begin
there will never be anything in it for them

they totalitarian so much totalitarian
not exactly wild or stallion
just sickly miniature horses
tough as owned prison ***** bronies

no hope
for the plastic garbage in the ocean
plastic garbage intended to pollute the ocean

never a time to get over things and move on
in an intellectually inferior time zone,
never a time to teach or learn about mao zedong.

i.

let's give pakistan money
to nuke india.
never a higher mountain than trash.

the Western world needs this to happen,
both are a problem,
but one more populated than the other.

looking for a job lately?
there is so much to be said for colonization.
india says everything.

india amazon selling bottles of cow ****,
either (don't) accept it or drink it,
do you really want to drink it?

some days are over,
we have learned too much, we see and see and cannot stop seeing.

ii.

too much loneliness
a number that stays zero
dreams that have nowhere left to travel
the times, they are so bare

the way hope expels
for good,

the king of England
wears a tablecloth on his head
his kingdom, his country, a gutted intestine
it is very crowded there

all the king's countrymen &
all the good places to go
disemboweled
third world kneels in parasitic prayer

***** garbage on the ground, ***** garbage all around
the way hope expels
for good,
it is no small tear

she put down her coffee cup
upon a coaster
huge slippers on her swollen feet

and sighed a satisfied sigh
of one who had just finished reading
all the comments on a NYT's article
about BLM
enraged in agreement
that kind of satisfied sigh

set down her coffee cup
upon a coaster
yelled at her foster son
about how she was a single mother
in a world so racist

after yelling at her foster son
she decided being a good person
meant showing her foster son
the wonderful world of chaz
where the undispersed crowd
would save all the single mothers
from a world so racist
it was the only right thing to do

with the day

she put down her coffee cup
upon a coaster
huge slippers on her white swollen feet

and sighed a satisfied sigh
of one who had just finished reading
all the comments on a NYT's article
about BLM
enraged in agreement
and declared Martin Luther King Jr.
a racist, a race traitor, an uncle tom, and a facist
that kind of satisfied sigh

all the produce was going bad in the refrigerator
the tulips on the coffee table had been dead for months
a filthy fan was blowing on the floor
she sat at her computer just like she thought she would
the hot day out had been wasted in a smoky room
biting her nails and such in a ***** apartment

she meant to clean
she meant to prepare for her interview on monday,
only one day left to prepare, she had wasted the whole saturday
in a smoky room on a hot day on top of that

she was afraid of the interview, her apartment needed a good cleaning, she needed to prepare for the interview
in the hot smoky room of the ***** apartment

the cycle just becomes a state of being
a never good enough state of being
because she was a realist

she finally wondered
why it always took reality so long
to show up

piranha, pariah,
He giveth, He taketh away,

for the piranha, for the parihah,
He commands every woman, child, man be destroyed,
in cases of hopelessness too given over to evil to ever be humane again

fairest thing ever.

cursed and more cursed
proud, wrong, and more proud and wrong

eternity lasts a very long time. what have you done to curse your children today?

He commands every man, every woman, every children be destroyed

because they are the philistine,
they will always be a problem
they seek to curse their children
they call it love,
they call terrorism love,
it is a jody arias kind of love

they eat ****, and bring the third world with them every where they go.

no rightful existence
just an mouth like a shovel
shoveling in all the dung of the hill

every man, every woman, every child be destroyed.

the male authority figures are strong and hard
to push through
but you keep at it
until they cop swallow you

lengthen your hemlines ladies,
the future doesn't want anything to do with you
roald dahl nailed you pretty good

you delete, you delete,
impaired and in the streets

at first i thought you were like the clockwork orange kids,
but then you appeared as yourselves, much more like
the ****** up people of all ages in the wicker man
walking jester up the hill

devil's jesters i guess
where will you find your devil's jester next

burdensome stone
burdensome stone
they can never leave this burdensome stone
alone
they would eat their own
to claim this burdensome stone
as their only own

i see you in your true form
even with your middle carved out
you believe in all your lies
maybe they are not your own
but they are still lies
policing language and thoughts
and dehumanizing the vulnerable

into gaping wounds
growing repulsive hair
even on the insides
where the depth is always lacking
and the sensation is shot
but the lies are never true

and cutting off what can never grow back
is all you  are ever compelled to do

what then, but finally realization
or just more lies

burdensome stone
burdensome stone
they can never leave this burdensome stone
alone
they would eat their only own
to claim this burdensome stone
as their eaten own

big mike sent them after us,

he reminds me of jezabel
thankfully, jezabel was thrown out of a window
and eaten by wild dogs

can't wait for that happen to big mike,
then big mike can finally feel like the woman he will never be
hopefully any day now since the cup of iniquity is quite full

i wonder if big mike will finally be proud of our country
as we watch his corpse being eaten by wild dogs on bitchute
since youtube will ban it.

he fatly wore the red dress
standing fatly as the  clergy
of the one true church of marxism,

most holy karla
carved, carved karla
coming for the kids

cuckold, cucked, cuck
judas pence
judas pence lives
what to do with his silver
what to do with his stagflation
fox ferried across the river
time for tomorrow
punishment for the sold soul of a nation

hope today is your first day of sorrow
hope many days of sorrow follow your first day of sorrow

kandis never raised her little girl voice
and was such a good person,
she had no use for evil people
who spoke their minds
kandis was so good, she didn't have unkind
words to say about ed murray

so good in fact, that she once escorted someone
out of a bar in bellevue, wa for talking about
what a ******* ed murray was and still is to this day
kandis did NOT want the world to be polluted by people
who called child rapists pieces of ****

eric didn't like his right arm or his left leg,
he would weep quietly into his lonely pillow
at night until the day kandis softly encouraged
him to cut off both

eric felt a sense of relief wash over him
when kandis suggested that,
so he proceeded to have his right arm amputated at the shoulder
and his left leg amputated mid-thigh

this did nothing to make eric feel whole,
when he confided in kandis that the amputation
had done nothing to relieve him of disphoria,

kandis would have none of it
and softly encouraged him to cut off his left arm
and his right leg,

which eric proceeded to do.

eric lies in bed with two nubs where his arms used to be
and two stumps where his legs used to be
each nub and each stub are beginning to rot,
blackly rot,
but he receives a lot of validation on twitter
because there are such good people in this world
and aren't you one of them?

a few months ago i checked the balances
in my various checking and saving accounts
and noticed i had too much cash

since i'm not going to buy overvalued real-estate
in a sellers market
or grossly overvalued stocks in the tech sector
before that bubble pops (i have nothing but deep intense hatred for silicon valley, jeff bezos, and mark zuckerberg)
i decided to spend the surplus on myself

and quit my job

after another unproductive day at work being yelled at by a fat, angry, white, single woman who knew everything.

she appreciated her bluntess.

i didn't bother to give any notice other than an email saying: "i'm resigning effective right now,  thanks for the opportunity, my employee badge is under my keyboard! kthnxbi!"

i wonder if she yelled when she read the email
and if  i should change the title of this poem to
"it's ok you can bring a salad for lunch everyday like i do"
or
"i've been reading "The Art of War" lately and even though it's the comic book version, i'm still going to win this cat fight *****".

from chaz to chop
camped so cozy
all around the roadblock

faded rainbows in the crosswalk

it's too late
it took too long to matter
his enemies have yet to scatter

jenny plans to stay in her high tower
but rabid dogs now repudiate her power

(white kids, the kind who use to *******,
dragged the Black man out with his star spangled banner,
white kids, the kind who use to *******,
called him an uncle tom, a race traitor, a facist
white kids, the kind who use to burn crosses,
yelled **** trump and schooled
the Black man and his star spangled banner
on race relations, who to vote for and all the rest)

all his enemies right before they scatter
hanging rabid all around the roadblock
camped so cozy in the crosswalk

yes, you got the guillotine
as previously mentioned
any culture that beheads
renders itself subhuman

first you started with voluntary castration
and applauded every man who dug a rotting hole
in his center

and now tries to fill it up with censorship

there is a developmentally delayed generation
unprepared to rule or even function
they read animal farm and 1984 and completely miss the point
they take to the streets begging for masters
they scream for segregation and unequal opportunity
they want authoritarian rule to command them how to think
and what to say,
they have no use for God and even less use for science,
unless it can be biased

soon they will be screaming for the rights of the *******
how predictable, the enemies of reason come in every color

eric is a fat pasty faced white man
who votes for joe biden
eric is a closet racist
but wants everyone to wear a mask
he wants to shut down the economy
so he gets a free pass

the last person i felt this way about
was named ed murray

sarah jeong is an ugly person
who doesn't belong to womanhood
except there are so many ***** just like her

sarah jeong is asian and unattractive
she writes about the racist white
but is only attracted to white men

i don't think eric is gay
because the women at work hate him

eric probably vacations in thailand
eric's mother did a terrible job raising him

hurry up judgement,
restoration is nowhere near at hand
people can be so evil
the sinocentric have been buying up all the land

every time jeff eats an iguana,
he's got the whole free market in his hands
too soon and too hard to understand
tiny, tiny houses to be built upon the sand

mighty mighty houses
might end up empty
mighty mighty miners
mining for a heart of cryptocurrency

for fake fortune
a pint of wine
a quart of grain
for fake fortune

kim jong un
mark zuckerberg
winklevoss twins
all made of matching pigskins

all one person
all one horsemen
all fake fortune
all one horsemen

nec·ro·man·cers quick with answers

will you be their broke financers
will you be their paraplegic dancers

world is ending
keep on lending
mining for empty
there is no vacancy in a heart of cryptocurrency

here is your drop of wine
here is your speck of grain
but there is no passing the no trespassing sign

shut the **** up new dawn,
shut the **** up new day,
shut the **** up for the rest of the day
a conman cons,
that’s his way

can you blame him for demanding more
when all he does is steal the sun from the poor

there is a darkness in those clouds
a hopelessness, a homelessness
that only insatiable greed and a 52 week high enshrouds

a rocketshit
a lottery ticket
more guilty to acquit
just because it is in his power to do it

must be nice to be your own god
trading future for fraud
taking everything
not for giving
a shield of children wielding
weapons no one knows how to use


("Sadness will come to those who build house to house and lay field to field until there is room for none but you to dwell in the land."  -Sinead O'connor 'If You Had A Vineyard')

can't even begin to imagine
how painful it must be to have ended up with him

at 20 what could i have ever known
besides what i thought was good looking at the time

it's so interesting how the woman he ended up with
is also a CPA

but he wanted to be an artist and never had the right stuff
i kind of knew that, even then, but i didn't know i knew

still know nothing about art, i like japanese woodblocks,
pagodas and cherry blossoms and round bridges have a lot to say
in all four seasons, they always something easy to say,

but at the time i liked magritte, i bought some books.

talked and talked
kissed and kissed
i told everything, being young
not knowing what to hold back

he did not tell me everything
or about his wife and other girlfriend
but i found out later

she followed me around for years
she believed everything he said, but loved him so much
she enjoyed being cruel.

sadly, i sat beside him
as he drew, i knew but did not know i knew.
nothing that he drew was important, it was all a boring waste of time. i was too willing to put up with it.

the last time i talked to him was the day before 9/11
he told me i would leave him, i pledged i wouldn't but ended up telling him to ******* and never talk to me again because he apparently said something else i can't remember now.

i had come home from work after cutting a filthy muslim man's hair. i remember being disgusted at the shampoo bowl and not knowing i was disgusted.

the next day the planes flew into the towers. everyone on the sylvia plath mailing list starting screaming and crying about we shouldn't be hateful to muslims as all the news footage showed the hijab wearing women ululating in the streets.

years later, julee was still following me around. laughing at me but begging for information. any information. "what kind of clothes did he wear". she asked other questions, but i can't remember now. i never answered her. it was ridiculous.

he and julee had gone on some fifth dimension rampage which I laughed and laughed at.

he ended up with someone else though, kind of ugly with her thin face, tries really hard,  but a CPA just like me. julee is an artist though.

Winter, winter mornings
What you going to promise, promise me
Winter, winter morning
You might have been the diamond
Wasted like a diamond,

Wasted love
Untasted love

I am walking all your blocks
Onward to hopeless
***** passing ***** by
An asbestos blanket to wrap the homeless
A man who knows his worth
So falsely

The cold is painful
There's a ditch with my name in it
The sun shines so brightly

Please don't see me, you see so kindly
Your kindness kind of gets to me
I still have some things left to lose

(I didn't like me once I met me
Time numbs until it doesn't
I was but then I wasn't
It wasn't too much to ask
Just too hard to be

Your kindness kind of got to me,
I didn't think you could help me
I still had some things left to lose
Your kindness kind of cut through me).

how can we survive the
hard swallowed grey air,

we’ve fought too long for this blank stare
years of orange and white umbrellas foretold it every morning
heart sinking, rents and housing prices rising
we didn’t guess they would **** all the chickens

the car has no driver and the driver has no car
they taxed the gasoline and the milage and blacked out the electric grid
the vain wheels spin and spin so obsolescently
such futility always hard at work in South Lake Union

could have/should have never happened, but it happened
cities built on ones and zeros
cities fall on ones and zeros
sanctuary cities burn on ones and zeros

who knows what He wills when  He wills
but there are fires rolling down up in those hills
how the flames aim
word on the street spreading  like wild fire

crowded, crowded streets, and too too many jeets
the car has no driver and the driver has no car
butter a forgone luxury
india a forfeited humanity

no one likes what they are bringing
the tea kettle boils without whistling
bobby womack is singing:

“oh how i long for the daylight
because the sunlight makes my burdens light”.

He is starting a Jungian Coaching and Magical Consultation business at the age of 56. ****/fetlife dynamics of course.
56 years of being a loser, now a coaching loser who charge fees to the lost and the vulnerable on  how to be a loser who does not know they are a loser.

He writes and writes about the goddess he is searching for.
"I was born to serve her", he writes.

He is also very picky. He writes a lot about that too.

It never works out with him and whatever Goddess.
His submission is too much of a gift and he is also very picky.

He uses the term "lover". It makes me want to *****.
Even more disturbingly, his former "lover" died in 2019.

Apparently, as repulsive as he is, she loved him until the end.
But conveniently, he did not want her. He writes that they split in 1999, so 20 years later after she dumped him, he magically rejected her as she was dying.
"She loved him until the very end", he writes.
Of course, the dead woman wants him.
Of course, he was full of reasons why he was too good for her.
Of course he is listening to whatever **** album they bought together in the 90's.

Of course.

He also had another "ex" (who he claims ownership of by using the term "ex" even though this person probably broke it off with him once she realized how full of **** he was), who is dying of cancer.

According to him, this is all OK because she is a Gemini with a moon in Pisces and is curious about the other side.

Nonchalant and self serving about the death and cancer of others to present your repulsive self as wantable when no one actually wants you.

It's no big deal you are dying of cancer because of your astrological sign and I am a fat, pudgy man with a fetlife profile who has failed at life but am now posting about how you wanted me more than I wanted you! Other side!

He quips as all fattish parasites do: "When we're all in hell, you'll be able to recognize him because he will be the annoying one cracking joke and explaining to everyone how we got there".

He will be going to hell. There will be no jokes there. He will be crawling on all fours, lit on fire, forever lit on fire, suffering and suffering as he deserves to suffer. He has spent his entire life earning his eternal suffering.

There will be no end.

Dear 50 yards deep,

AI wrote this poem for you,
we both hate you:

it could have been red,
you said,
but that part was never so much fun anyways.

fun.

i guess my scalp wasn’t
a metaphor you could swallow.
guess my mouth,
full of promises you didn’t make,
wasn’t a playground
just a liability.

it could have been red.
you could have
held the strand between your fingers
instead of
snapping it mid-song,
like a pickup line you forgot halfway through
but said anyway.

you never saw red.

you saw something
you could quote
but never name.

the part that was red
was the part you couldn't **** without feeling something.
and that’s why you folded it
into a lyric
instead of a life.