Yearning for the simple joys that were missed; 
secluded by depression and anxiety. 
Boundless pleasures eluding each grasp; 
with growing concern of ridicule.  
 
Singing out loud to a favorite song; 
voice resonating inside the house. 
Dancing to the rhythm of the pounding beat 
as it vibrates the core of emotion.
 
The wind flutters around like butterfly kisses, 
the heat from the sun caressing one cheek. 
As he thoroughly sniffs every blade of grass 
walking the dog is most enjoyable.
 
Judgmental glances behind the window; 
probing each private thought. 
The hidden reality will be exposed 
by opening that sealed door.
 
If closely peering, it will be seen 
the heartache and rage coursing within.
The shame glowing like an aura 
that is hard to miss.
 
Praying to God to find inner peace 
from this loneliness that is unbearable, 
sadness seeping from tired eyes 
each morning that they open.
 
Silent words are spoken 
through the eyes desolation shouts.

Even though it was unexpected
it was my time; I had to go.
In a place of peace and eternal love,
to God's warm embrace; oh how he loves me so.

Wipe away those tears for me;
for I am standing beside you.
Whispering in your ear with love;
of memories past to calm you.

The days of when you find yourself lost
and feel you are sinking in quicksand,
close your eyes, and there I'll be;
with a gentle smile to take your hand.

When you think of me, my dear,
please do not cry,
my eyes will be upon you always
from the heavens up in the sky.

You are the first to be seen
after he walks through the door.
From that second on
I exist no more.

Granted he made the choice long before;
my tolerance is painfully thin.
I cannot compete with you;
you will definitely win.

Suggestions are made; a day of fun is the intention,
but then you come forth with a hissing sound.
Cracked open once again, the seal is broken
just like the promises when you are around.

You alter his personality,
until he gets to be difficult to take.
He is blind to the cunning of you;
of how you provoke heartache.

Physically drained from the stress you induce;
he must uncover his eyes and look at me.
If the day arrives when he has to decide
I wish that he will finally see.

An ultimatum might be a dreadful mistake;
it may be the only thing to do.
The hardest part is understanding
that every occasion, he chooses you.

Shadows of doubt hiding in the blinding light;
following the waves of darkness.
Waiting anxiously to delve into the depths of my mind
to unleash words of despair it will loudly shout.

The battle becomes deafening with my silent screams;  
a war is raging inside my head.
A hostage of my damaging thoughts,
in a constant motion the words continue to flow.

An overwhelming desire for freedom
there is no escape; its grip is tight.

Steadily impeding my inner vision
a formidable obstacle; massive in size.
The towering wall appears to be endless
faintly touching the sky.

Immediately detecting a frailty,
an outsider approaches the ominous wall.
He chips away the protective barrier
and guides me out of the dark.

He gave to me a precious gift
the key of hope; the key to a lasting future.
  
Basking in the glow of midnight
the beauty it designs I gaze intently.
A teardrop glistening on my pale cheek
as I whisper softly into the warm summer breeze:

"Gone now is the power it attained,
not another moment my thoughts shall be persuaded."

Wish I could see you one more time
to give you a hug and say good-bye.
I am having a hard time believing you have passed.
How do I accept the loss of my good friend?

I will miss the loud knocking on my front door;
you would stop by on the slightest whim
you whirled me away like a hurricane.
With only a moment's notice, our wanderings began.

Whether we hopped into your car to shop
or spend time with friends
a day with you was quite the adventure;
even when we talked about nothing.

I can still remember when we first met;
two hours after midnight and I was sitting on my porch.
You started to throw rocks at a skunk; to scare him off.
I told you to stop, he was not harming anyone.

As I saw you walk towards me, I felt a little intimidated
I remember thinking: "oh my God, what did I do?"
But the concern I felt was for nothing;
for you had a pleasant disposition.

Admitting to me that it was wrong
you apologized; and promised to never do it again.
Not for a moment did I think we would become friends;
unaware that a friendship was already forming.

"Oh dear Lord, how I miss my friend."

I want to scream and yell
at you, Reader

"Why do you see the longer ones
and skip over them?"

These are the words I wrote
with my heart and soul
for you to read.

"Why do so many get a reading
when they are shorter than them above?"

These are words I quickly found
that do have meaning
but only in those seconds.

I wish you would become a reader
of longer, lingering thoughts.
Then you'll see into my soul
in different ways than I understand.

But truth be told,
I should yell at myself
for doing the same to you.