you are fragile
and the boy in the year above you calls you fat
and the girl in the row behind says you look like a rat
and you sit and think about it for a few minutes
minutes turn to hours, hours turn to days
and soon you've lost track of the last time you ate
and soon you've become obsessed with your weight
you forgot what colour your skin used to be
because your arms are covered in red lines
and you cry all the time

you are fragile
and the girl in the hospital bed groans
she is short and she is thin,
skin and bones
this girl is you
and there is only one thing you need to do
but again, all you can do is cry
all you hear the doctor do is sigh
you hear the boy in the year above has died
drunk with a car, an upsetting fate
and the girl in the row behinds period is late
when was the last time you ate?

you are fragile
and the man in the street smiles
he stares for a while
he soaks up any sadness
laughs at your jokes
you are happy -
madness
you remember what colour your skin was
and the last time you ate
because he has fixed you

*you are not fragile

~

Please get out of my brain

"i am happy."

repeat 15 times.

repeat until your
throat hurts from
screaming it over
the sound of the
opposition fighting
for control over
your mind.

repeat 15 times more.

repeat until it
doesn't make sense
anymore.

i didn't eat enough today
      no, i'm not anorexic
  or starving myself
               i just forgot to eat enough
                        it didn't occur to me until now
    as my stomach clenches in pain
           but i didn't need food
   until you left

Some things I cannot resist; I blame my own self worth.
I got shot in a dream once...it didn't hurt.
The apple is never as sweet
as the whispered words that slither out of your mouth.

Still moonstruck, still insane,
You throw me straight into the flame.,
and I like the burn
enough to go back for seconds.

Because even though I don't owe you anything,
I feel an obligation, like muscle memory
it falls out my open mouth, gasping
to remember the last few fragments
of the nightmare you woke me from.

So here's to biting off more than you can chew,
and having no regrets about finding yourself
cracked beneath the covers, and disarrayed
among the reflections of mistakes already made.

Maybe I needed this
reality check. I'm on my own, I know.
The temporal frustrates me, the birds
fly south for the winter, I fly...nowhere.
Permanence is a dream as fleeting as
its own contradiction.
It makes no sense, but what did I
expect from you?

Do you remember the nights
we laid across each others ankles
to see if either would break under
the weight of the other?

These fractured bones
don't mean a thing. (promise)

"that's weird",
sorry i'm not normal.

"Why do you even want to do that?",
because my pleasure manifests differently.

"that's really ******* disturbing",
you think i care how you feel about it?

"have you talked to someone about this?"
no why should i? it's not taboo, you ******* close-minded *****.

"not a lot of people like that kind of stuff.. isn't it hard to find someone that shares that interest?"
yes it is hard for me, but that's because i'm socially disabled.

"have you managed to find someone?"*
yes by some ******* miracle.

this person likes pain in their pleasure as much as i do, and it's incredible.

i don't feel like i've
really been born
yet

it seems like life doesn't
start until the age
of 18 or 21